When Life Gives You Lemons

I've found that most often you can't even begin to guess how things will go.  If you'd told me two years ago that I would be living with my parents at the age of 29, trying to figure out what my life will be now and that my marriage would end in divorce...well, I probably would've punched you in the face and called you a liar.  But then, when things in my life started changing almost two years ago, I had a hard time convincing myself that what was happening was real, and I was living it.

I'm pretty sure this comes a shock to most of you, as it's something that's been played pretty close to the vest.  So let me explain, briefly(the journey was a long and difficult one, trust me)...

Nearly 2 years ago just after the new year 2010, my husband, Gale informed me that he no longer believed in God.  Can you say bombshell?  We'd both been raised members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and had been careful in our choice of spouses so that we could marry in the Temple and have an eternal family. (For more information about the LDS Church, click HERE)  This sudden and dramatic change threw me for a loop.  I tried what I could to help him regain a testimony and come to know God better.  My dad even flew to Midland, TX(where we were living at the time) to talk to both of us and try to help.  Priesthood leaders and others offered counsel.  I confided in a few very close friends and family, seeking advice and support.  Fortunately I have AMAZING friends and family and I constantly had all the support I could ever need!  We moved back to Utah July of 2010.  I hoped that being back in Utah, close to family and friends, that Gale would be able to rediscover his testimony and relationship with God. 

At times, I believed that things were improving, that he was coming back to the path we had chosen in 2003 when we married.  We bought a house and started making plans to fill it with children.  Looking back, I think I was in denial.  Don't get me wrong, hope and faith are great things, and I did what I could to encourage where I could.  But it came down to the fact that he truly didn't want to come back to the Church.  He spent time listening to podcasts and in online communities working really hard to be an atheist. 

All the while, I have a strong testimony, but I could feel it being nibbled at.  As I said, things continued to deteriorate(in my mind), eventhough I was deserately clingly to everything I had worked for 8 years to build. 

Ulitmately, I realized that I had to take care of my testimony, my eternal salvation and myself.  So last Wednesday, Gale and I talked and we decided divorce was the path that we needed to take.  That makes it sound so easy and logical, and efficient.  It wasn't really any of those.  I struggled for a long time trying to figure out what to do.  If he didn't want to raise our children in the church, could I still risk having a family with him?  If I wasn't going to have a family, what was I going to do with myself for what could be another 50-60 years?  Could I be happy?  How much was I risking to stay with him?  Obviously a great deal of prayer and pleading with Heavenly Father went into this.

It's been a difficult week, but I'm settling in with my parents(for now) and starting to figure out where I'll be going from here.  Honestly, I already feel like a huge burden has been lifted and I'm SO grateful for the outpouring of love and support I've had from everyone.  I really am so blessed to be surrounded by so many awesome people who love me so unconditionally!

I've been staying busy with Subbing, playing at the University of Utah and doing my show, Sleepy Hollow!  I'm really anxious about what the next chapter in my life will bring, but I know that whatever is in store for me, I can handle it, with Heavenly Father's help. 

Things change.  Life doesn't go the way you plan.  But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.