Heavy

So my brother, Tyler, is done with school for the semester and is taking the summer off. Obviously he has a lot of free time on his hands and needed a project. Enter Wendi and her lack of ambition when it comes to working out.

I've worked out with him before. It's always gone the same...

Wendi: hey, Tyler! I have a brilliant idea! Let's go to the gym and work out!
Tyler: That IS a brilliant idea!

At the gym..,

Tyler: Wendi, you have old lady arms. Let's fix that. How much can you bench?
Wendi: (laughs hysterically) No.
Tyler: Oh come on. We'll start with just the bar. You can handle that.
Wendi: It's heavy.
Tyler: Just try like 3 reps.
Wendi: It's heavy.(does the reps and thinks she's done)
Tyler: keep going...
Wendi: You lied! You said I only had to do 3! (as much as she fights it, she doesn't have many options and continues to lift)

Right before her arms are about to collapse, Tyler rescues the bar and sets it to rest.

Wendi: We're done now, right?
Tyler: I think you can do more. Let's add some weight to the bar.
Wendi: (pleading) It's heavy!
Tyler: You can totally do it!
Wendi: Ok. Like 3.
Tyler: Ok.

You can all see where this is going, right? After 3, Tyler makes me do more. And it's heavy.

Well, my gym pass is expired. So I decided it would be safe to let Tyler help me work out at home. However, he makes me do loads of push ups and crunches. And he bought a weight set. They're heavy.

The best part? My work out buddies.



Just so you know, I don't use the same weights as the kids. I'm not whining that the 3 pounders are too heavy.

The kids are really supportive. And they help me count my push ups, so it's a good learning experience for them too. Sometimes they do push ups too. It's pretty adorable. And when Taylor picks up a weight she says, "Heavy!"

So. Freaking. Cute.

Oh and I'm get toned too.

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Plan Bs

I've spent a lot of time having to come up with an alternative course of action to the initial concept. 

In other words, I spend a lot of time realizing Plan A is a bust and having to come up with Plan B.

I'm thinking that must mean that by now, I'm pretty good at it.

So here's the update.  The University of Utah doesn't want to give me Financial Aid or Scholarships.  So I've decided that I'm not going to go to school in the fall.  What's the Plan, then?

PLAN B(8,785,193)

I'm going to find a full time job for the summer.  Something that will pay me money and not make me want to kill myself.  Although, I'm pretty sure I can survive just about anything for 4 months.  Because when school starts again, I'm going to go back to the University of Utah and be an accompanist again.  And I can still sub.  And I'm considering picking up some private piano students. 

And it gets more exciting... with the money I earn from working full time this summer, I'm going to plan an epic European excursion.  After all, I still need to get a stamp in my passport.  Who wants to come?

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time, there was a young girl.  You could say she was like most girls her age.  You could say that she giggled with her girl friends.  You could say that she sat very lady-like.  You could say that she was sugar and spice and everything nice. You could say that she was average and perfectly ordinary. 

But you'd be wrong.

While jumping rope at recess could hold her attention for a little while, you were much more likely to find her playing football, basketball or soccer with the boys(it took them a little too long to realize they should treat her like the delicate flower they assumed her to be...to be honest, it was a lesson they learned the hard way MANY times over the years).  And many of her friends went home and spent hours playing video games or watching television. 

But not this girl.  Don't worry.  She didn't live in one of those homes without a television.  And she was allowed to watch it.  But quite frankly, there was something else she'd rather be doing.  Something she would choose over just about any activity, including sleep. 

She had an absolute passion for reading.  When she was in 1st grade, she read an impressive 512 books during the school year(it's true!  She has a plaque to prove it)!  And as she grew older, any time there was a reading related competition, she won quite handily. 

Rarely was she found without a book.  And while she did have her favorites, quite frankly, she would read just about anything she could get her hands on.  And she would stay up late into the night reading, oblivious to the time, except that she trained her ear for the clumsy tread of her father coming to make sure her reading lamp was off.  She learned to be quick...or read under the blankets with a flash light(is there really any wonder why she has such bad eye sight today?  Although, her night vision is incredibly impressive....almost super power level, I'd say).

Do you know why she loved all her books so much?  They transported her away.  Don't misunderstand.  Her life wasn't bad.  She had great parents and many friends.  But her imagination was perhaps a little too active for her own good(even now it gives her ideas that are far out of reach).  And she always aspired to greater, more exciting things.  When she would finally shut her book, turn off her light and close her eyes, she would be transported.  Her dreams would take her(quite vividly) away from hum-drum and into her books.  She could be anyone she wanted; go anywhere she wanted. 

Her passport doesn't show it, but she's been to Narnia, Platform 9 3/4, Galaxies far, far away, Middle Earth, Prairies, Jungles, Forests(enchanted and regular).  She doesn't have certificates, but she's proficient in Archery, Pulling a Handcart, Jedi Arts, Milking Cows, Witchcraft and Wizardry, and of course, Swordplay. 

You might wonder if all of these "adventures" led her to lead a slightly dysfunctional life.  You might wonder if she found everyday life to be disappointing, comparatively speaking.  And while she did try to control her expectations by having her imaginary adventuring end, shall we say, in a less ideal way, than the books on which they were based, she did, from time to time, wonder why reality couldn't emulate, at least a little, her books. 

In reality, she didn't find herself eagerly sought after by boys.  In fact, her tendancy to prefer hanging out with the boys(a little less drama, lets be honest), led to the boys not really seeing her as a girl, but rather as "one of the guys". 

In her everyday life, she didn't find herself needing her excellent skills with a sword.  Duelling wasn't really something you saw much of at her High School. 

In an average day, she never got to pilot a starfighter.  Rarely was she ever called upon to cast spells. 

And then she went to college and found that she had even less time for reading and that those imaginary adventures were a luxury she could not longer afford.

College textbooks occupied her time.  And the only reason her light was on into the wee hours of the morning was because she had procrastinated writing a paper. 

And life continued on.  She still read her books, but left her passion for them behind, assuming that it was just something she had to out grow.

Then, one day, she found herself with a gaping hole in her person(not literally, of course...that would be an entirely different kind of story).  She was not entirely at a loss as to how to fill it.  But it wasn't a hole that could be filled in over night.  She tried a few different things.  Some of them worked better than others.  Some needed time to expand to fill more space.  And then, in the back of her mind a light flickered on.  And she remembered. 

She remembered the places she could go.  She remembered the people she could be.  She remembered how she could leave everything behind for just a little while.  And just when she needed it the most, her passion re-ignited.  The possibilities became endless.  The hours flew by.  The emptiness began to fill. 

Just So You Know, I'm Always Right

I've been hesitant to hop on the Pinterest bandwagon.  I knew that if I did, I'd spend far too many of my already precious minutes "pinning". 

Last night, I hung out with my girls, Melina and Lacee.  And they introduced me to the dark side.  And Lacee sent me the invite.  And this morning, I started pinning.  It started with just a few hairstyles.  But soon, I was looking at dozens of recipes and finding new ways to exercise. 

I suppose there are worse ways to spend a Sunday.  And with Pinterest, everything is in one easy location.  And I did find lots of recipes I want to try(too bad it SUCKS to cook for 1).  And my hair should look super cool for at least a month. 

But I was right.  Pinterest is going to become my new time-waster.

Half-Way

6 months from today, I turn 30. So technically, I should be 1/2 done with my 30 before I Turn 30 (don't remember that post? Check HERE) list. Yeah. I'm not. I've done 2 things. And no. I'm not going to tell you which ones. And I'm working on about 3 others(some of them have multiple steps). For example, I sent in my passport to get my name changed so that I can go to another country and get a stamp on my passport(which would take care of 2 items on my list).

So I thought this morning, "I can find one of those to take care of this very day"! But I need a little preparation to check off most of those. I'm thinking I could eat eggs today. But you know what? I don't actually know how to cook eggs. And I would kind of like the egg experience to not be a disaster. I was kind of hoping to come out of this with a new passion for eggs(okay, passion isn't the right word, but you know what I mean).

I guess if I put my mind to it, I could memorize 2 piano pieces today. I'm already most of the way memorized on one piece. But a 2nd one too? Let's be honest, I'm old. It's not going to happen.

Going on a spontaneous trip sounds fun. But I have little munchkins to watch tomorrow.

Anyway...so here I am, blogging, which is NOT on the list. Well, I guess it's back to look at Egg Recipes(it's not going well).

Whatever. Fine.

I realize I spend a lot of time using the word "fine". 

How are you doing? "Fine"
Are you okay? "I'm fine."
Do you want to go do __________(fill in the blank). "Whatever. That's fine."

I'm not sure how often I mean my "fine"s.  I actually think it's probably just my cop-out response.  I'm not sure if you really want to know how I'm doing.  You probably don't want the back story about what I'm actually feeling.  And quite frankly I'm not sure I care if we do __________________ (fill in the blank), so my answer seems irrelevant.

However, I think there's actually a code that would be helpful for translating various "fine" responses.  And I think this actually applies to a lot of people(especially women).  But mostly it's just some theories, musings really, my roommate and I have been discussing.

Fine can mean a lot of things.  If you ask your wife if you can do something (i.e. go golfing on her birthday...but it's okay because she has the kids for company) and she says, "Whatever. Fine."  You'd better not do it.  Trust me.  Her wrath will reign down upon you.  And you'll be confused because you thought you were getting permission.  But allow me to translate... ACTUAL WORDS: "Whatever.  Fine."  ACTUAL MEANING: "I can't believe you're even asking this question. And I'm going to be passive aggressive and pretend like I'm okay with it.  But if you go ahead and do it, you'll be sleeping on the couch for a week and I'll be giving you the cold shoulder for at least 2 weeks."

If you ask someone "Are you okay?"  And they respond, "I'm fine".  They're probably a lot less than fine.  If you ask the right questions, they might tell you what's up.  But they don't want to burden you with whatever is making them definitely not fine.  If you are guy, trying to figure out how a girl is feeling, proceed with caution.  Don't push it too hard.  But if you just let it go, assuming that she is, in fact, fine, she's going to get irritated with you.  She'll be mad that you didn't ask more questions; that you didn't act more concerned.  She won't understand why you so easily accepted her answer when she is clearly not fine.  If you wait for her to open up, she'll explode a hot mess all over you.  It won't be pretty.

When someone is asked if they want to go ________________(to a movie, to dinner, to a specific eating establishment, etc), and the answer is "Sure. That's fine."  That means, "Yes!  Thank you very much for not making me make the decision.  This is quite possibly the happiest I've ever been, but I would seem like a crazy person if I acted so enthusiastically about the prospect of going to the grocery store with you."(or whatever activity were being proposed) 

Isn't that enlightening?  Life changing really.  Well, it would be if it were used properly...and if anyone actually read my blog.  Mostly it's just me being a little bit crazy again.  Oh well.  It's my blog, I can be crazy if I want.

Drug Addled Brain

Um...just so you know, the original concept for the "Hope" post was much less depressing sounding.  I'm thinking maybe it wasn't such a good idea to blog after I'd taken my cough medicine with Codine...

I'm not depressed.  Really.  I'm fine.  I promise.  Don't lose sleep worrying about me.

Hope

Back when I was going through fertility treatments and nothing seemed to be working and I just kept plugging along and congratulating new mothers and throwing showers for friends and family, people would say things like "I don't know how you do it.  I don't know how you have such a good attitude."  Usually I'd just smile and shrug.

But in my mind, I was thinking, "Is there another option"?  Certainly wallowing and throwing perpetual pity parties for myself wasn't an option.  And while, sure, I shed my share of tears, I know those tears weren't going to change anything.  All I had was hope.

Trust me when I tell you it was(and is) far from easy to keep an positive outlook on things in some of the situations in which I've found myself.  Somedays, it felt like I was holding on by a thread.  A whispy thread of spider silk.  That barely visible thread that kept me going was hope.

Hope that there was a reason for the tears I cried.  Hope that one day things would get better.  Hope that not only would things get better, but that I would actually have what I wanted.  Hope that one day I'd get to be the guest of honor at a baby shower, rather than the hostess or attendee.  Hope that things would work out.

They did, you know.  Definitely not in the way I had hoped they would.  But it turned out to be a good thing we didn't have children.  I don't even want to think about the disaster things would have been these last two years if children had been involved. 

Now I find myself facing a different set of challenges.  I'm trying to keep my chin up; I really am.  And obviously, some days are easier than others.  I have no idea how things are going to turn out.  I barely know what tomorrow will bring(FYI, that's a  HUGE stressor for someone like me who likes to plan things).  I'm having to learn, AGAIN I might add, that things are out of my hands.  I'm having to exercise IMMENSE patience in varying situations.  I'm having to find hope in new things.  And I tell you, I feel like that spider silk I cling to has never been so thin and invisible, but I keep holding on.

I hope that things will work out and I can go to the University of Utah in the fall(still waiting on Financial Aid).  I hope that one day someone besides High School boys will hit on me.  I hope that one day the scars left by the choices of others will disappear.  I hope that one day I can feel repaired.  I hope that one day I can have the things I want.  I hope that one day I fully understand why all of this had to happen.

Yep somedays it feels like I'm just holding on to a tiny thread of spider silk, wondering when it will snap.

Did you know that the tensile strength of spider silk is comparable to that of high-grade steel?  True story.  I'm pretty sure I know that from experience(you know, metaphorically speaking...I try to avoid spiders and I frequently clear their cobwebs from my living quarters).

Washington DC: The Long Road Home

After a fairly uneventful night(at least on our floor), we packed up and headed to the White House. As the official photographer of the trip(yes that's what everyone called me), I took almost 1000 pictures this week. And we got the whole group together in front of the White House for a final group picture. Of course, as the official trip photographer, I'm not so much in the pictures, but at least they'll have great photos.

And they even got permission to sing the Star Spangled Banner in front of the White House.

You'll all get to see many more pictures from the trip.

After the White House, we had a few hours to spend at the Smithsonians before we began the long trip home. Just so you know, you could spend a week in those museums and still not see everything.

We started to the airport at 2:00 pm, DC time. We will land around 11:00 pm, Utah time.

I'm composing this on the plane. It's a long flight and I have a hard time sleeping on planes.



Clearly that's not a problem for some people.

And we've landed. So excited to be home!

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Washington DC Day 5

Today is our last full day in DC. We fly out tomorrow afternoon.

We started and ended the day at the Washington DC Temple Visitors Center. In the morning, they had a special clinic with a local choral director.

After the clinic, we headed back to town and spent the afternoon exploring museums, including the Holocaust Museum.

There just aren't adequate words to describe the museum. It's incredibly powerful and very thorough. I've spent a lot of time studying history(you know, cuz of my degree) and particularly European history. And while most of this information wasn't new to me, the way it's presented is so moving. I highly recommend this museum if you're ever in the area.

After an afternoon of museum-ing, we went back to the temple for the choir to give a full concert at the visitors center.




They are really great kids and they sound pretty good(not as good as my senior choir, but we were freaks of nature).




Now I'm preparing for an all nighter. Seriously. It's the last night and the kids get extra crazy/stupid. I wasn't one of those kids, but I know there are some here. I'm not very happy about it.

I just want to sleep!

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Washington DC Day 4

Holy Crap I'm exhausted! I'm too old for the constant go-go-going.

Today, we went to the National Cathedral for a tour. And the choir got to sing too. They weren't sure they would get to. But they did and it sounded great! Best performance yet!

Then it was off to another church. They sang at the church where the president and first family attend services. It was an episcopal service and I was really impressed with how well the sheltered kids from Bountiful handled themselves!

Then it was off to the National Archives to see the Bill if Rights, Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Pretty cool, huh?

We finally had some free time.



We went to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. We have more free time over the next few days to hit other museums. I'm excited. What can I say? I'm a nerd. I love me a good museum!




I had to stop at the FBI building for a psychological evaluation by Dr Lance Sweets. He says I'm going to need a vacation to recover from this "vacation". He's a doctor! I have to do what he says, right?

We topped off the day with a tour of Ford's Theater, dinner at Hard Rock Cafe and a showing of 1776 at Ford's Theater.

And as a reward for surviving thus far...



Cupcakes!!! I just gained like 5 pounds. These things are HUGE!

Now I'm full of sugar, but I really need to sleep so I can function tomorrow.

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Washington DC Day 3

Oh such a loooong day! We started the morning attempting to visit Senator Hatch. However, the senate is in recess and he was back in Utah. But the kids got to serenade all the senatorial aides.



After that, we took a tour of the US Capitol and saw the Library of Congress etc.



Then it was out to Mount Vernon for tours, sightseeing and another performance.

After that, we loaded back in the bus and headed back into town so the kids could sing at the Washington Wizards basketball game.



They were all really excited to get to do this. And I must admit, it was cool being back"stage" with all the important people.

And even though the Wizards are a pretty crappy team, the game was fun(and significantly shorter than the baseball game). I had some Dipping' Dots, which really hit the spot since I've been fighting a cold AND allergies on this trip.




It was a full day of excitement. 3 days left!

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Washington DC Day 2

Our bright and early start today was the choir singing at the amphitheater at Arlington National Cemetary.



It was right by the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and such a moving performance for everyone participating.

We then went and watched the changing of the guard.



Arlington is so huge! I had no idea! And it's just about the only place with any cherry blossoms left.



After Arlington, we went to the Iwo Jima memorial. And we had lunch at the Pentagon Mall. Had me some Popeyes fried chicken. I grew up in the south and Popeyes is the only fried chicken I'll eat.




Much to my dismay, we spent 3 1/2 hours at a baseball game. I just can't do baseball games. Boring. At least, to me.

After the game, we headed out to dinner in Old Town Alexandria and wandered around there for a bit.

We just did room checks and now I'm ready to sleep for a previous 7 hours before we do more craziness tomorrow.

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Washington DC Day 1

Well, if nothing else comes from this trip, I am able to check off one of my 30 before I Turn 30 items. I've been in Maryland and Virginia today, both states I have never been to before(and of course Washington DC).

But there were other eventful and noteworthy things today.



Our Nations Capitol



The choir sang at both the Lincoln Memorial and the Jefferson Memorial. It was funny to see all the tourists crowd around and video tape the choir.



The best part of the trip so far(judge all you want)...



This snickerdoodle was like an inch thick and was a happy piece of heaven. We bought it at a place called Larry's Cookies(side note: the choir director's name is Larry).

We got to the hotel at about 11:00 DC time. Loooong day! And we start at 7:00 am tomorrow. Good Night from the nation's Capitol!

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Get Out of My Head!

I should be packing...or cleaning the kitchen...or blow drying my hair...or putting my room back in order(which would be easier if I finished packing)...or any number of more important things.  But instead, I'm going to do a little word vomit here for your enjoyment.  Maybe if I get it out of my head, I can focus on the things that need to be done.

I think I like my new bedroom configuration.  It's pretty functional and feels roomier.  I still might alter a few little things here and there, but for the most part, I'm pleased.  And that makes me extra happy because I'm never moving that dresser again(at least not by myself). 

I recently reread the Hunger Games series.  All three books.  I still like them.  However, this time through was different.  I couldn't help but fixate a little more than is probably healthy, on the character, Gale.  Let me tell you, I've always rooted for Peeta(although, the Peeta in the movie isn't nearly as good looking as I expected).  I don't want to go into too much because I know there might be people out there who have been living under rocks and not read Hunger Games yet.  Suffice it to say, it was a fascinating struggle for me to read the series again.  Ask me about it if you're that curious, and I'll expound.

Eventhough it's not really where I am in life right now, I still have a hard time with everyone else having babies.

I've been particularly blessed to know some amazing people in my life.  I have great examples of folk who have lived life to the fullest.  I suppose no one seizes every moment.  There have a been some recent reality checks that have led me to consider the brief time we have on this earth.  You never really know how long your visit will be here.  I don't want to wonder "what if I had taken this chance..." or "What if I had had the courage to do this..." or "How would my life be different if...".  I guess we all have things we look back on and wish we had done differently, although, it doesn't really change anything.  But when it's my time to go, I want my family and friends to think "She had a full life".  Don't worry.  I don't think this end is coming soon.  I don't want to just trudge along making the best out of what I stumble on.  I want to take giant strides and have great adventures.  I just think I need to seize more moments and not be so worried about what other people might think or who is judging me.  I need to jump in with both feet.  I spend WAY too much time testing the water.

I'm not making near as much progress on my 30 Before I Turn 30 list.  And I've only got about 6 months. tick tick tick tick tick (stupid clock)

I'm excited to go to Washington DC with the Bountiful High School A Capella Choir tomorrow.  But I really need a big giant vacation from reality.  The stress I've been keeping bottled up for the last 3 months(while I've been teaching) is about to boil over.  That never goes well.  I know, I shouldn't bottle things up in the first place.  But I really thought I had to in order to keep it together while I was teaching. 

I'm working on the Queen of the Night Aria from The Magic Flute.  It's crazy high.  Seriously.  And I love it.  It's so hard.  And I love it.  It's going to kick my trash from here to the end of time.  And I love it.

I'm done auditioning for shows.  Okay.  That's not entirely true.  I'm going to audition for Little Women at Centerpoint in June.  But after that, I'm done.  You see, I started doing theater again about 5 years ago.  I needed a distraction; something to do since I wasn't having kids.  I wanted something that would fill that void.  In that 5 years, I've done 4 shows.  Not so much is it filling any kind of void.  Also, it's just making me frustrated.  Every time I go to an audition, I stress out.  And then I go to a call back and I stress out.  And then I don't get cast and I pick myself apart until I'm in all kind of tiny pieces that never really get put back in the proper place.  So then I do it again and it's more of a disaster.  I don't like feeling like a failure.  I don't like feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone.  And so, after Little Women, I'm done.  I'm starting school in the Fall anyway(provided Financial Aid goes through) and that will take up plenty of my time.  And I can sing just because I love doing it.  Do I really need another reason?  I submit that I do not.

My head feels emptier and clearer already.  Sorry to subject you all to my insanity.  The next week should be filled with happy reports about Washington DC and all the fun we're having there.  Hopefully I'll leave some of my crazy there.  Hopefully I won't pick up much in the way of new crazy.