Get Out of My Head!

I should be packing...or cleaning the kitchen...or blow drying my hair...or putting my room back in order(which would be easier if I finished packing)...or any number of more important things.  But instead, I'm going to do a little word vomit here for your enjoyment.  Maybe if I get it out of my head, I can focus on the things that need to be done.

I think I like my new bedroom configuration.  It's pretty functional and feels roomier.  I still might alter a few little things here and there, but for the most part, I'm pleased.  And that makes me extra happy because I'm never moving that dresser again(at least not by myself). 

I recently reread the Hunger Games series.  All three books.  I still like them.  However, this time through was different.  I couldn't help but fixate a little more than is probably healthy, on the character, Gale.  Let me tell you, I've always rooted for Peeta(although, the Peeta in the movie isn't nearly as good looking as I expected).  I don't want to go into too much because I know there might be people out there who have been living under rocks and not read Hunger Games yet.  Suffice it to say, it was a fascinating struggle for me to read the series again.  Ask me about it if you're that curious, and I'll expound.

Eventhough it's not really where I am in life right now, I still have a hard time with everyone else having babies.

I've been particularly blessed to know some amazing people in my life.  I have great examples of folk who have lived life to the fullest.  I suppose no one seizes every moment.  There have a been some recent reality checks that have led me to consider the brief time we have on this earth.  You never really know how long your visit will be here.  I don't want to wonder "what if I had taken this chance..." or "What if I had had the courage to do this..." or "How would my life be different if...".  I guess we all have things we look back on and wish we had done differently, although, it doesn't really change anything.  But when it's my time to go, I want my family and friends to think "She had a full life".  Don't worry.  I don't think this end is coming soon.  I don't want to just trudge along making the best out of what I stumble on.  I want to take giant strides and have great adventures.  I just think I need to seize more moments and not be so worried about what other people might think or who is judging me.  I need to jump in with both feet.  I spend WAY too much time testing the water.

I'm not making near as much progress on my 30 Before I Turn 30 list.  And I've only got about 6 months. tick tick tick tick tick (stupid clock)

I'm excited to go to Washington DC with the Bountiful High School A Capella Choir tomorrow.  But I really need a big giant vacation from reality.  The stress I've been keeping bottled up for the last 3 months(while I've been teaching) is about to boil over.  That never goes well.  I know, I shouldn't bottle things up in the first place.  But I really thought I had to in order to keep it together while I was teaching. 

I'm working on the Queen of the Night Aria from The Magic Flute.  It's crazy high.  Seriously.  And I love it.  It's so hard.  And I love it.  It's going to kick my trash from here to the end of time.  And I love it.

I'm done auditioning for shows.  Okay.  That's not entirely true.  I'm going to audition for Little Women at Centerpoint in June.  But after that, I'm done.  You see, I started doing theater again about 5 years ago.  I needed a distraction; something to do since I wasn't having kids.  I wanted something that would fill that void.  In that 5 years, I've done 4 shows.  Not so much is it filling any kind of void.  Also, it's just making me frustrated.  Every time I go to an audition, I stress out.  And then I go to a call back and I stress out.  And then I don't get cast and I pick myself apart until I'm in all kind of tiny pieces that never really get put back in the proper place.  So then I do it again and it's more of a disaster.  I don't like feeling like a failure.  I don't like feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone.  And so, after Little Women, I'm done.  I'm starting school in the Fall anyway(provided Financial Aid goes through) and that will take up plenty of my time.  And I can sing just because I love doing it.  Do I really need another reason?  I submit that I do not.

My head feels emptier and clearer already.  Sorry to subject you all to my insanity.  The next week should be filled with happy reports about Washington DC and all the fun we're having there.  Hopefully I'll leave some of my crazy there.  Hopefully I won't pick up much in the way of new crazy.