Getting Up to Date and a Little Randomness

My life has been crazy.  There's really no other way to describe it.  It's just pretty much out of control.  Well, out of my control anyway.  Where to start?

SCHOOL:
Well, I have finished all my classroom work.  I passed my final exam for the program.  I'm currently working at Senior Care Pharmacy.  Well, it's my Externship.  My UNPAID externship.  But I'm working 40 hours a week to get my 180 hours done for certification.  At this pace, I should be done in just over 4 weeks from starting.  And I've been doing this for a week now.

I actually really enjoy it.  And they've already offered me a position to stay on after I finish my externship.  YAY!  AND the managing Pharmacist talked to me the other day about going to Pharmacy School.  Since then, I've been doing a lot of research into Pharmacy Schools and the pre-admissions requirements for said programs.  It's a lot of work.  I think I'd really like to do it.  I just don't know if it's the right course for me.  It would probably take me 2 years to get thru the prereqs since I was a history major and didn't have to take a lot of science classes.  Oh and I'd still be working throughout the process so it's not like I can really go to school full time.  And Pharmacy School is expensive.  There would definitely be student loans involved.  I'd likely have to relocate, because, let's face it, the odds of me getting into the University of Utah's Pharmacy School are not great.  And do I do all this, 6+ more years of school, in case I have to have a career for life, but really hoping I get to get married and have a family?  I know the two aren't mutually exclusive, but still.  It's causing me more than a little anxiety.

I'm still studying away too because I have to take the National Pharmacy Technician Certification Exam still.

FAMILY:
Kevin got his mission call to Washington DC North mission.  He leaves January 23rd.  He's super excited.  Tyler has crashed 2 of my family's cars in the last 4 months.  My mom and Kevin are going with Kristie, Scott, Emma and Adam to Disneyland in a week.  I'm jealous.  Mostly because I'm so stressed out, I could use an escape.  But alas, I must wait a while longer.  We did family pictures a couple weeks ago.  I'll get around to posting some soon.

HOLIDAYS:
Thanksgiving was tasty.  And the few days before that, Angie and I went on a little jaunt down to sunny California.  It was so nice and warm.  We sat by the pool for hours and got just enough sun so that when we returned to Utah, we weren't the whitest people in the state.  It was such a fun girls trip!  And I definitely needed some California time.  A most productive trip.

Christmas was good.  My mom copied my friend Lacee and did something a little different, gift-wise, for those of us still "at home".  We got a "Need It", "Want It", "Read It" and a "Wear It".  AND I got my very own Costco membership.  I love me some costco and I look forward to using it and especially for getting gas, which I use more of now that I have a daily commute.  For my Read It, I got an Amazon Kindle gift card.  So I'm looking for suggestions on what books to get.  Of course, the nieces and nephew were ADORABLE for Christmas.  I'll post more on that later when I get pictures done.  (Have I mentioned what a disaster my life is right now?)

RANDOM:
Well, Bealynn, my super messy, drives-me-crazy, roommate is moving out.  She told us at the end of November.  Lindsey and I decided not to fill the room.  It's just going to be the 2 of us now.  And we're pretty excited about it.  Bealynn hasn't moved all her stuff out yet, but like the cleaning nerds that we are, Lindsey and I are SUPER anxious to sanitize her portions of the house.

I saw The Hobbit.  It was awesome!  Also, it was completely spontaneous and before it officially opened.  So that was extra fun.

My random piece of wisdom for the day:
"Love is wanting to punch someone in the face.  But not actually doing it."

I got a stress fracture during Scarlet Pimpernel and have been wearing a special boot for the last 3 weeks.  I don't wear it to work and I think that it's starting to take it's toll.  I felt a twinge on Sunday (couldn't wear the boot cuz I had to play the organ).  So I've been a good girl and have worn it when I'm not at work.  I even wore it all day Christmas.  But it still hurt a bit today.  That's probably a sign that I should wear it to work.  Maybe it would be enough just to get some good stand/walk around all day shoes for work.  I'm on my feet for a full shift and my feet and back are really suffering for it.

I think that's all for now.  If I think of more, I'll share.  Otherwise, look for a end of year/beginning of year post soon.

Slacker

That would be me.  A Big Slacker!  I know you, my avid readers, have been greatly distressed by my MIA status here on the blog.  I humbly beg your forgiveness.  I will endeavor to do better.

Gratitude Day 1 - 2012

Yes it's that time again. Time to bake. Time to eat turkey. Time to go shopping. Time to be grateful.

On this, the first day of November, I am grateful for this last year. Just the fact that I've survived, is enough for gratitude. But also, I've learned so much. I learned that I'm stronger than I thought. I've also learned that it's ok not to be strong all the time. It's ok to rely on others sometimes. I've learned that sometimes you have to take chances. Sometimes the risk is rewarding. Sometimes things don't go according to plan. Sometimes you want to punch people in the face. Sometimes you realize there are people in your life you can't survive without. Sometimes you need a break and it's ok to take one.

I've learned a lot this year. That is just the tip of the iceberg. And as difficult as this part year has been, I'm grateful for every lesson learned.

De-Stress-ify

I've spent the last week living at my parents house while they've been in Hong Kong. On Thursday, I found myself thinking, "What's different? I feel significantly less stressed." I stopped by my apartment to pick up the mail and immediately realized what had happened.

Now, please understand that I have legitimately been trying really hard to have patience with my one roommate. I know that I don't control the choices others make. I'm also very aware that I still suffer the consequences of those choices others make( trust me, I KNOW this). I've been trying to roll with the punches and not worry about things I can't control. However, it's gotten to the point where I am suffering in most negative ways.

Due to my insanely busy schedule, which isn't going to change in the near future, I have tiny windows in which to get certain things taken care of. For example, eating. I do not have time to clean up someone else's mess, cook dinner, eat and then turn around and clean up my mess. I'm sorry, I just don't. And when I have 1 hour to do that in, i can't be competing with someone else in the kitchen.

Additionally, my job is to play the piano. If i want to keep this job, and I very much do, I need to be practicing. And that means I need to fit it in on my schedule. But i always feel like I'm inconveniencing someone.

So I just don't eat and I don't practice.

I'm sure this sounds like I'm being unreasonable and inflexible. I acknowledge that I'm not perfect, far from, and that I have less than desirable traits. Some of them I have a better handle on.

I know that not everything is in my power to change. But some things are. This is.

So I'm going to move. I guess I just need my own space. You try running a house for 8 years and then trying to have roommates. It's rough. This decision also helps me as I come to terms with the reality that I may be single for a long while. I have to figure out the best way I can deal with that. I feel this is best for me.

So I'm on the hunt. 1 or 2 bedrooms. $700 or less a month. North Salt Lake, I'm thinking.  Keep your eyes and ears open.  Making this decision as already lifted a huge weight from my shoulders.

What Must Be Done By 31

First off, I feel really clever for coming up with the title of my list.  Next, after last year's big 30 list, I've decided to do fewer items. And I'm going to try to have things on the list that really push my boundaries and make me step outside my comfort zone.

MUST BE DONE BY 31

1. Finish Pharmacy Technician Certification- I know this will get done. I only have one class left and then my externship thing. And then I'll just have to take my national and state exams.
2.  Get my own apartment. The roommate thing has been good for this transitional period as I adjust to being single again and try to get my life figured out. But, I really need my own space. I need to have a space for all my music stuff and not having to worry about roommates when I have a few seconds to practice. And sharing a bathroom is just not working out, especially with this particular roommate. And I ran my own household for 8 years. So having 2 roommates, one in particular who just doesn't think about anyone else, has been quite the adjustment.
3.  Learn to play a new instrument.  I'd really like to learn the guitar, but I don't have access to one. I do, however, have access to a flute, a violin, a trumpet, and a few saxophones. So I guess I have a lot of choices...hmmm
4.  Go on a vacation.  I definitely need one of these. Hopefully it will be a super awesome one.  But even if it is just a weekend away...I just need to get away.
5.  Figure out how to be single for life. I'm not saying this is the only option. But I have to be realistic. In my heart, I've been hoping this situation was short- term. After a year of being divorced and living the single life, I need to accept that this might be the way it is. I mean, I have been married before. I know that's something that a lot of girls don't experience. What are the odds of me finding someone else who wants to put up with me on a permanent basis? I'm not being self- deprecating and I'm not looking for pity. I'm saying it like it is. I know I'm not shiny and new like I was 10 years ago. And I don't play games. It's not that I don't want to married again. And obviously I'd still love to have kids. But if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that you can hope all you want, and work toward the things you hope, but you have to learn to be happy in whatever situation you find yourself in. And so I need a single girl plan.
6.  Do something I've been too scared to do. I did this one last year and I think it's incredibly liberating for me. I don't take a lot of chances, usually. But I was very daring this last year. And I think I'm better for it.
7.  Be a better communicator. If I can write things down, I communicate really well. If I have to be conversational about it, I'm significantly less effective. And if it's confrontational or emotional, I pretty much shut down. So I'm going to work on it.
8.  Serve others. If it's just going to be me for the rest of my life, I'm going to need a purpose.
9.  Read 5 new books. I used to devour books. And I would read constantly. I love reading, I just need to make time for it.
10.  Get healthy. I know at least half of you are going to hate me a little for this one. I need to gain weight. Over the last 3 years, I've dropped 20 pounds. Not OK. At least not for me. And for about 3/4 of this year, I exercised pretty well. But I've not been doing well recently. So I want to put on some weight and be physically fit.

I still want to add a few more items to my list here, so watch for updates. I think it's interesting that last year, I needed a lot of distractions, so my list had a lot of "do this" type of thing to keep me busy. This year's list is more focused on refining, don't you think? Obviously, I'm getting much more wise in my old age. Or more boring...

Happy Birthday to Me!

My Sister-in-law is awesome.  She is crafty and thoughtful and amazing.  And she has outdone herself this time.

She painstakingly gathered 30 notes from my closest friends and family and compiled them into this book.  On a day I'd been dreading for a year, this was such a source of comfort and so uplifting.  There were so many fond memories and kind words!

This last year has been really difficult for me.  Things still are rough more often than naught.  But this was such a blessing to me at a dark time.  To read all the things written...I just don't deserve amazing friends like you.  And I think some of you might have been drinking copiously while writing these.  Or maybe you were thinking of someone else.  Someone much more worthy of such praise.  Thank you for all your kind words!

And as for Kristie...I can't believe how much time and effort it must have taken for her to track everyone down and keep following up to get things done.  I'm so grateful for such a caring sister-in-law who is so in tune with the spirit that she knew exactly what I needed for my birthday and took the time to make me feel so special on my birthday.

30 Before I Turn 30: An Evaluation

Well, I'm 30 now.  I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed.  I didn't receive any super powers.  I didn't suddenly become all wrinkled and hobbled.  My hair didn't turn gray or fall out.  I didn't break my hip (although considering some of the things I do in the show, it wouldn't have surprised me if I had).  I don't feel different at all.  All this hype over turning 30 for nothing.

I do feel very special, though.  I had a great time celebrating my birthday.  While it wasn't an official celebration, on Thursday, I went out with Amy, Jodi, Lacee and Melina.  Lacee turned 30 a month ago, so she's a pro.  And she's handling it really well, so that gives me hope.  We went to Cafe Rio, Target and Orange Leaf.  Pretty good night, wouldn't you say?  Saturday, I spent the afternoon with Angie, Mandy and Cecily watching French Kiss, chatting and doing manicures and pedicures.  Then we got all fancied up and went to The Roof with some very handsome gentlemen.  Then we went back to Angie and Simon's and made fun of New Moon (oh Twilight, you are so delightfully terrible), tried to cram more food into our overly filled stomaches.

And on the actual day of my birthday, I decided to play hooky from school.  I mean, I can ace a test any day, does it really need to be done on my 30th birthday?  It did not.  So I called up my sister and said, "Bring me some nieces to love on!  Oh and we are going to have an epic day of trying to finish up a few of the remaining items on my 30 Before 30 List."  Fortunately, my darling Taylor is always up for an adventure with Aunt Wendi.  Susie and Pa took us to lunch at El Matador, one of my favorites, so that was awesome.  And I finished up the day by performing in The Scarlet Pimpernel.  And a bunch of my family was there to see me!  And they brought me presents.  My sister-in-law, Kristie is amazing.  And because of that, she and her EPIC present are going to get their very own blog post.

What this post is really about, is evaluating how the 30 Before 30 list went.  Let me just tell you, I started on this list a few months after my 29th birthday, so I didn't have a full year to complete these 30 things, and there were some MAJOR life-changing things on this list.  But I'm pretty proud of myself.  I managed to finished all bu 3 items on the list.

30 Things to do Before I Turn 30
(In no particular order)

1. Go Camping- Okay, so I cheated a little bit.  I didn't have time to go camping or anyone to go camping with, really.  So yesterday, Taylor and I built a blanket tent in the basement and took her little toy lantern and compass and had a little camping nap.
2. Get rid of my Data Plan (I don't have enough self-control to stay off Facebook and other soul-sucking things)- Remember how I changed my mind and decided not to do this one?  Yep.  I learned to tie a tie instead.
3. Go ice skating(I don't think I've been since I was 12)- Another thing Taylor and I did yesterday was go ice skating.  There will be pictures.  It was adorable.  And I was pretty good.  I didn't fall or anything.  Granted, I wasn't really doing a lot intense skating because I was helping a 2 year old.  But still.
4. Attend a yoga class- You are all going to think I'm a big cheater, but I didn't actually go to a yoga class.  I did, however, do several Zumba classes and do some yoga videos from the comfort of my living room.
5. Get a spray tan (I've never been tanning- fake baking or spray tanning)- I didn't get a spray tan.    But I did try out a new tanning lotion from Bath and Body Works.  I actually really liked it.  But tanner gets all over your clothes every time you get a little damp.  Not okay.
6. Eat Eggs (my mom doesn't like eggs so I've never really eaten them...but I should probably at least try them before I turn 30)- Remember how my sister-in-law made me scrambled eggs?  And I actually kind of liked them?  Yep.  I've eaten eggs a couple times since then.  I'm such a grown up.
7. Compose a piece of music (It's been far too long and I'm feeling inspired)- I got lyrics to a song done, and the melody has been bouncing around in my head, but I haven't had time to sit down and get it on paper yet.
8. Visit a State I've never been to- First, I went on the choir trip and went to Virginia, Maryland and Washington DC.  And then there was the epic road trip this summer where I went to South Dakota, Washington and Oregon.  I'm such an overachiever.
9. Stay up all night (it's been a long time since I've pulled an all nighter...but I think I'm up to the challenge)- Did it, but I'm WAY too old to stay up all night anymore.  In fact, I'm hoping to be in bed within the hour.  I know!  Before 10:00, I'm such a party animal.
10. Get a massage (Never had one...but I want one)- My friend, Heidi is a massage therapist.  And  she gave me a massage.  It was awesome!  Seriously!  I need another one.  I'm all kinds of tense.
11. Learn to swim (laugh all you want...I doggie paddle...but I mean business now)- I've worked on the swimming thing.  And I went wake boarding and I didn't drown.  So we'll call it good.
12. Kiss in the rain (there's a lot of back story to this one and I'm not going to explain it)- Okay, I didn't get this one done.  But if it's not going to happen in Germany, what's the point, really?  You know what I mean all you students of Larry Smith?
13. Brush up on my French (That would be the language...in case you're confused)- I was fortunate enough to get cast in The Scarlet Pimpernel.  And we sing in french.  And I got to be the french consultant.  This means I had to brush up on my french.  CHECK!
14. Take a tap class (I can tap, but I've never really taken a class.  I'd like to take a ballroom dance class...but it's awkward when you go to those by yourself.)- I didn't take a class, but I have been working on it on my own.  I know.  That sounds like I'm a crazy person, but I kind of am.
15. Be able to do the splits (I'm actually getting really close...how many 30 year olds do you know that can do the splits?)- It makes me die a little inside to say this is one of the things I didn't finish.  But I was getting really close and then my life got super crazy and I stopped having time to stretch much.  But I got REALLY close!
16. Watch 5 movies everyone quotes but I've never seen (there's more than 5, but I need to start somewhere)- Done.  
17. Read 5 "Classics" (Cuz I want to feel literate)- I read 5 Classics this year.  I've missed reading.
18. Make 6 new recipes (I love to cook)- Lots of tastiness.  Good thing I did this early on because I haven't cooked, I mean REALLY cooked, in weeks.
19. Learn a new car-related skill (as a single woman, I really should know more than I do)- I tried changing my own windshield wipers.  I think I know the theory behind it.  But I couldn't get the old ones off.  So...I didn't get this one done either.  FAIL.
20. Learn a new handy man skill (If I knew how to fix things I wouldn't have to sit on my washer during the spin cycle...on the down side...How do I coerce guys to my house if I know how to fix things?)- I cleaned out the sink in the bathroom.  Remember how I took apart the sink to do it?  More importantly, remember how I put it back together?  Yep.  I'm awesome.
21. Learn a new computer skill (I'm pretty tech savvy...but I'm a nerd)- Totally fixed my iPhone when I changed to t-Mobile and it wouldn't send picture texts anymore.  I'm so cool.
22. Go on a spontaneous trip- EPIC Roadtrip 2012.  Need I say  more?
23. Make a 72 hour kit (cuz, you know, I should be prepared)- CHECK!  All prepared for 72 hour disaster.
24. Wear a bikini (I never have and I if I'm ever going to, shouldn't it be before I'm 30...plus I'm working out and looking pretty hot right now)- Did it.  And might I say I look pretty darn good in one!
25. Memorize 2 piano pieces (I don't memorize as much anymore...and I really should)- I actually only got 1/2 of one song memorized.  However, I learned a lot of other new songs this year and I think my sight reading skills have improved a ton.  So I'm counting it.
26. Try new dishes at restaurants (I have a tendency to just order the same thing every time)- I'm not very daring.  I like consistency.  But I think I did a really job of it this last year.  I was very brave.  
27. Do something I've been too scared to do (I don't have anything specific in mind)- I'm not going to tell you what it is because it's a little embarrassing that I was nearly 30 before I tried this particular thing.  But I will tell you it was absolutely life changing and I don't know how I lived before.
28. Go to a foreign Country- CANADA is Foreign.
29. Get a stamp in my passport (I've had one for 4 years dang it!)- CANADA wouldn't stamp my passport.  But I had to flash it to get in.  So I did use it.  I'm counting it.  
30. Have the perfect kiss (thank you FRIENDS for this idea)- I'm not going to give you details.  A lady doesn't kiss and tell.  But suffice it to say, I can't imagine a better story or a better kiss.

So there you have it.  Honestly, 27/30 isn't too bad.  And I probably will finish up 2 of the 3 left in the next few months (I'm really determined to do the splits and get those windshield wipers fixed).

And stay tuned because I've got some awesome things on my To Do List before I'm 31.  But I'm going to go for a shorter list this time.  I'm not going to be stressed out about getting things done again.

30 Things I've Learned in 30 Years

The final countdown has begun and I only have a few days left in my 20's.  I've decided to just accept the reality of turning 30.  I mean it's happening regardless of how I feel about it. And while I'm still frantically trying to finish up the last few items on my Before 30 list, I've been thinking a lot about what the " silver lining" might be to being 30 years old. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough week for trying to look on the bright side, mostly because I have stressed myself out so much about trying to be happy for the fateful day and then worrying that something catastrophic was going to make this the 2nd worst birthday of my 30 years ( the 1st being last year). And don't worry, I have a pretty good idea of what would ruin it.  I'm certain you'll all enjoy the humor of this short list I'm freaking out about.
~ Vampires crash the party ( thanks to netflix for streaming Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
~Someone dies
~People do stupid things
~I do stupid things ( you'd think I could avoid this, but I'm history tells a different story)

Anyway, in an attempt to make myself feel less crazy ( yeah this will probably backfire), I've decided to make a list of 30 things I've learned in these 30 years.

1. There's nothing wrong with waiting. Sometimes you don't get what you want when you want it. Sometimes that's a really good thing. And some things are worth waiting for, even if it feels like you wait forever.
2. Righty tighty. Lefty loosey.
3.  Happiness is a choice. Sometimes life sucks. But sometimes it doesn't. Either way, it is your choice to be happy.
4.  Choose your friends wisely. I am blessed beyond measure to have some really awesome friends. The amazing part is that nearly every single one of them has been in my life for 15+ years, or married one of my friends of 15+ years. There are a few more recent additions. Regardless, every one of them makes my life better.
5.  Read the directions first. It just makes life easier if you know what you are starting with, where you need to end and all of the steps in between. And don't try to skip steps.
6. Ms. Frizzle has it right: Take chances. Make mistakes. Get messy.
7.  Pain can help you learn. Suffering is pointless. Learn from pain and move on. Dwelling isn't helping you. How long should you really continue to punish yourself?(FYI this is a lesson I know I struggle with)
8. You can't please everyone.
9. Everybody fails sometimes. That doesn't make you a failure.
10.  Endure with a smile. You can't stop the rain from coming. Just try to have an umbrella and make the best of it until the sun comes out again.
11. Sometimes you have to cry.
12.  Brown hair makes my eyes pop. I do think my hair is a little too dark right now. But my stylist is on bed rest, so it will have to wait.
13.  Acne is not just a problem for teens.
14.  As long as there is a piano around, I can sort through anything.
15.  We all do stupid things sometimes.
16.  Everyone has baggage. You just have to know what baggage you can deal with.
17.  Heavenly Father knows what you need and when you need it. Trust Him.
18.  The best blessings are the ones I didn't see coming. And I'm grateful for them everyday.
19.  Never give up, but know when to get out. Sometimes you have to save yourself.
20.  Life isn't easy. The things you treasure most are the things you worked hardest for.
21.  Just because you were hurt once doesn't mean you will always get hurt.
22.  It's ok to be the 2nd choice. At least you were chosen.
23.  People need to know that you need them. You can't be strong all the time. Let people help you. It's really ok. I'm still working on this one.
24.  The only thing worse than failing, is never trying.
25.  Your initial instinct is usually on target.
26.  Good things come to those who wait. And wait... And wait... and wait...
27.  You have control over what you let stress you out. I'm still working on this one.
28.  Be yourself, who cares what anyone else thinks.
29.  When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
30.  No man is an island. I would never have made it through the insanity of the last few years alone. I'm so grateful to all the people who let me lean on them.

One Year

I want to get this post out of the way before it ends up tainting my birthday. I'm already having anxiously about turning 30, and these things bouncing around in my head are not really helping. I'm trying desperately to have a good attitude about my birthday, so I think I need to get this over with.


Let's be honest, despite my attempt at clinging to the silver lining, it's been a rough year. I've had a lot of mountains to climb; a lot of changes to adjust to; a lot of baggage to support through( and quite frankly, I'll probably be carrying a bunch of it for the rest of my life); a lot of healing to do.

I think that people might think that I've handled things well and have moved on fairly quickly. I guess that's how it could be perceived. Mostly because i know life is going to go on, even when I am not ready for it, so i slap a smile on my face and try to figure out how to function in normal society in this unimaginable situation in which I find myself. And sometimes I achieve this better than other times.

The last few months have been a real struggle. I keep thinking about what was going on with my life last year, and the feelings of that awfulness come screaming back. I know what the pivotal moments were and reliving them over and over is more than a little unpleasant. And of course, I keep wondering what more I could have done to prevent life from crumbling.

And you know what the worst part is? While I felt like I was out of options, like my hand was being forced, like the choice had already been made for me, I will always be the one who left him. The woman who left her husband. Whatever the reason, it's something that weighs heavily on my mind. It's a title I never wanted to hold.

I'm doing a show right now ( The Scarlet Pimpernel) and it keeps me busy, which is good. But it reminds me of how i was doing a show last year when everything fell apart. I keep waiting for disaster to strike. I knew by the time we got back from Disney World that divorce was inevitable. And I left the day after Sleepy Hollow opened.

Pimpernel opens on Monday. And while I try to ignore the sense of foreboding (I know it's residual from last year), I can't help but prepare myself for the worst. And quite frankly, it's putting a dark cloud over my birthday.

And I've done what i can to distract myself from the epic fail of this milestone (30) for me. My 30 Before 30 list was actually one of my better ideas this year. But I still can't help but think about how I'm turning 30, I'm divorced and single, childless and without a career, back in school. By just about any standard of measure, that's some big old failure.

But I keep plugging along, trying to focus on everything I've accomplished this year. But more on that another time. Today I just needed to unload the ugliness of last year so I can try to find a way to make it through the next 2 weeks.

I'm Not Dead Yet

But really, it's just a matter of time.  And it's probably a pretty short time.

Let me outline a typical week...

Monday
6:00 am get up and get ready (if I don't beat the roommate to the bathroom, I don't get to use it at all.  If ever I go to prison for something, it will likely be for murdering her)
7:30 am- Leave the house and drive to The DATC
8:00 am- Class starts.  Right now I'm working on memorizing my medications.  They're broken down into lists.  I've taken 3 tests and there are 7 total.  I try to take a test every day I'm there.  So far, so good.
11:00 am- Lunch break.  If I've taken and passed my test for the day, I usually leave here.  Otherwise...
NOON- Class starts again.
3:00 pm- class ends and I drive home or run errands.
3:30-6:30-  This is my time to take care of things at home.  But usually, I start memorizing my next set of medications and try to squeeze in grocery shopping (or at least run to my mom's house for the basic supplies I need) and occasionally, I find the energy to clean the bathroom or my bedroom or the kitchen.  It depends on how absolutely filthy things have gotten too.  And I have to review things for the show and practice anything I need to play at the U.  And practice anything I'm working on vocally.  AND I have to get ready for rehearsal.
7:00-10:00 pm- Rehearsal
10:30 pm-  I usually get home around this time.  I get in my pajamas, I gather everything up for the next day and climb into bed hoping that my brain will turn off before midnight so I can get as much sleep as possible.  It doesn't usually work that way.

Tuesday
6:00 am- get up and get ready
7:30 am-  Leave the house to meet Cecily at her mom's so we can carpool to the U.
8:30 am-  First private lesson at the U.  We're usually there early to set up the classroom and make sure we have everything ready to go for class.
9-Noon-  Our classes end at noon.  We get a 1 hour break for lunch and to walk down to the West Institute so we can teach the rest of the private lessons in the afternoon.
3:30 pm-  Lessons start in Centerville, so we leave from the U as soon as the last student is done and we rush to Centerville to teach some more lessons.  Cecily actually has student until 8:00 pm.  But I have rehearsal right now, so I'm leaving around 6:30 so I can grab something to eat and run to the theater.
7:00 - 10:00 - Rehearsal
10:30 pm-  Bedtime routine

Wednesday
Very similar to Monday, except that now I have another teach at the U I'm playing for.  So from 3:30-6:15 I play for those lessons.  Yep.  And then I have to cruise to Centerville for rehearsal.  Awesome.

Thursday
Same schedule as Tuesday, except that we don't teach private lessons in Centerville on Thursdays.  So Thursday afternoons are like Monday afternoons where I frantically try to get things done.

Friday
Same as Mondays

Saturday
6:30 am-  ooh!  I get to sleep in for 30 extra minutes.  I get up this early to make sure I'm up and my body and voice are awake for rehearsal.
8:30 am-  Cast Zumba
9:00 am- 1:00 pm-  Rehearsal
After rehearsal, I get to scramble to try to accomplish things I wasn't able to get to during the week.  Or maybe I try to check in with family members so they know I'm still alive.  And on occasion, I attempt to have a social life.  But who has the time?

Sunday
Should be the day of rest, but with choir practice and 9 and then the regular church block, plus the fact that I have zero time to get laundry and other things done, Sunday is just a slightly less busy version of any other day of the week.  I hate it, but that's the necessity.

There you have it.  You're shocked I'm not dead yet.  And we're coming up to the point in rehearsal where we go extra late as we try to clean things up and prepare for the show to open (October 8th!  Get your tickets ASAP).

Now I'm going to fall into a deep slumber.  And in 7 hours, I'll start another day.  Ugh.  I'm too old for this.

My Brain is Full of Snot

My allergies have struck again.  And my sinuses feel like they might explode.  But I also feel like I should blog.  I'm gonna warn you, this is probably not going to be super coherent.

Sudafed really works well to decongest me.  However....an unfortunate side effect, for me anyway, is that it wires my brain.  Honestly I could be dead exhausted and still not be able to sleep while on Sudafed.  Unfortunately, I can't sleep without Sudafed right now.  Not really a great situation, huh?  I figure I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night.  And it was not good sleep.

But it's all good.  I only had a 15+ hour day.  Nothing like leaving the house at 7:30 am and not getting home until 10:30.  And by about hour 8 of piano playing, I can't tell sharps from flats and time signatures are more like guidelines than rules (SIDE NOTE: 5/8 time....really Andrew Lloyd Webber?!  Really?!)

I have the worst sinus headache EVER right now.  I don't know how I'm supposed to function.  It's only Tuesday kids!  I wanted to be finished with 3 medications test by the end of this week.  I'm thinking that's probably not going to happen.  Not okay.

You know how everyone has that breaking point?  Yep.  I'm getting close to mine.  I can feel it.  And the allergy thing isn't helping.

Oh!  About the allergies.  Apparently our house has been operating with out a furnace filter.  So pretty much all kinds of dirt, dust and debris have been flying around our house, unchecked.  No wonder I haven't been able to breathe most mornings.

I almost broke down 3 different times in rehearsal today.  I'm not sure if it's stress, or the allergies, or the lack of sleep...probably a combination.

Also, I'm trying really hard not to think about what was happening in my life a year ago.  I mean, it's unavoidable really.  It's part of my history; part of who I am.  But since we're coming up on the year mark, it's getting a little more focus than I'd really like it to have.

And I actually think it's worse that I'm doing another show this time of year.  It's like things have come full circle.

Have I mentioned how much my sinuses hurt?

If I thought punching people in the face would solve problems, I'd be punching A LOT of people.  But, my parents taught me not to hit.  Not only that, but they taught me to be nice, even to the people I want to punch in the face.  Man!  Parents ruin all the fun!

I need some absolutely irresponsible crazy fun time.  Anyone have suggestions?

Remember how I'm turning 30 soon?  Yep.  I definitely remember.

I'm sitting here thinking about when I can schedule a nervous/emotional breakdown.  Yeah...that's just not going to happen anytime soon.  I just don't have time for it.  That should be healthy.  I'll just keep holding it all in until I have the time to let it erupt.  It's gonna be a doozy.  Especially if I can't schedule it in until closer to the holiday season when I'm done with the show.  That should be GOOD.

If I thought banging my head against the wall would make me less frustrated, I'd walk around banging my head against walls everywhere I go.  My parents didn't teach me not to bang my head against walls....so sometimes I try it...just to see if it'll finally make all my problems go away.  It hasn't yet.  I'll keep you posted.

Life could always be worse.  I just have to keep telling myself.  Cecily and I were talking on the way in to the University of Utah this morning and as much as life sometimes sucks, things could always be worse.  I'm very blessed.  I have a job I love.  I mean, really.  I get to play the piano.  And people pay me for it.  If that's not living the dream, I'm not sure what is.  I have a great family who is always there for me, no matter what.  I have amazing friends who somehow find time in their busy lives to put up with my craziness.  I really do like studying Pharmacy Technician stuff (even though I'm terrified I'm going to give someone the wrong medication and kill them).  I'm healthy (allergies aside).  I have nieces and a nephew who love me unconditionally.  And an amazing sister and sister-in-law who don't mind letting me share a little of my mothering with their kidlets.  And while there are a lot of things about my life I hope change soon(ish), I know I'm far better off now than I was a year ago in my previous situation.  But somedays, it's hard to remember that.

And honestly, when my brain is this full of snot, it's hard to do anything but want to drill a hole in my head and drain it.  Don't worry.  I won't.

Unbalanced

You or your life might be unbalanced if...

The only time you can fit in grocery shopping is 10:30 at night. (as a side note:  Walmart that late at night is not okay...even in Centerville, UT)

Anytime you're in the same room with your roommate, Madame Guillotine starts playing in your head.

You get a text from your sister-in-law about your nephew just staring at a picture of you and that meaning he really loves Aunt Wendi...and you burst into tears.

You put your shoes on the wrong feet.

You've lost the will to clean. (okay, this is probably only a sign if you're me)

You obsessively color-code your medications flashcards.(let's be honest, I'm always a little unbalanced)

You dream about punching people in the face.

You consider taking up hand-to-hand combat as a form of therapy.

You eat a whole sandwich, a salad, half a baguette and a slice of chocolate cake for lunch and think, "I should have another slice of cake".

You stay up at night writing pointless blog posts when you should be sleeping because you have to get up early for pre-rehearsal Zumba.  (I love pre-rehearsal Zumba...it's almost enough to be therapeutic...almost)

This is What I Want

I want people to use their words.  I'm not a mind reader folks.  If you want something, say it.

I want people to do what they say they're going to do.  Is commitment really such a difficult concept?

I want people to be on time.  That means ON TIME not 5 minutes later.

I want people to accept responsibility for their actions.  If I have to, why doesn't everyone?

I want people to accept each other's opinions.  ESPECIALLY if they're differing.  That doesn't mean you have to like it, it just means you have to play nicely! I'm pretty sure this is Kindergarten 101, kids. Which leads me to...

I want people to stop finding reasons to argue.  We should be searching for ways NOT to argue.

I want people to understand that work is part of life.  Newsflash!  It's not easy folks!  Life, that is.  In fact, it's frequently quite difficult.  And that means you're going to have to grow a pair and do something to make what you want happen.  It's not just going to happen because you want it to.

I want people to stop using Facebook.  I was going to put "stop using Facebook for *insert specific annoying thing here*"  But I think we'd all be better off if we just stopped using Facebook.  Who's with me?!  *crickets*  Yep.  That's what I thought.

I want people to stop being selfish.

I want people to use their brains.

I want people to be grateful for the good things they have.

I want people to realize their potential.

I want people to stop taking loved ones for granted.

I want people to stop trying to make their lives SO difficult.  Life is hard, but you don't need to make it worse.

As soon as I figure out how to get all these things, you can elect me President of the World.  Until then, consider this my birthday list.  Choose an item and make it happen for an entire day.

Give Me a Reason

I was talking to a couple cast mates the other night about what shows they're looking at doing next season.  And they both said that they felt like they needed to take some time off from shows and spend more time with their family.  They seemed kind of sad about it.

And I couldn't help but thinking, "I wish I had a reason not to do shows."  Yes I like singing.  Yes I like dancing.  Yes I like performing and rehearsing and all that fun.

BUT if I had to make the choice between staying at home with kids and a husband and doing shows, I wouldn't even hesitate.  Not for a moment.

I don't know, I'm sure that doesn't surprise most of you.  After all, it's all I've ever really wanted, you know? I'm sure there's a few of you who can't believe I could make the decision so easily.  And sure maybe someday, if I have kids, we'll do a show together.  But mostly, I just don't care enough about being in a show to do it instead of being with kids that I've waited so long for.

I know that everyone's situation is different.  And I think, for me, it's one of those situations where I know that one day I'll be faced with that decision and it might be a show I REALLY love and if I make the decision now, (like making the decision not to do drugs before they're ever offered to you) it will be easier to make the decision later.

Maybe I'm just crazy.  But while they were lamenting the break that they were going to take, I just kept looking at them thinking, "Give me that reason and I'd give it up tomorrow."

I Have a Sickness

I over-book myself.  Don't get me wrong, I love being busy.  I like having things to do.  I like helping people with their things to do.  But sometimes, I have a tendency to take on too many projects.  I make my "To Do List" unmanageable.  I not only take on my tasks, but I let others pile on more.

And everyone has a breaking point.  And I feel mine approaching.

Truth be told, it's my own fault.  I'm familiar with the cycle.  And if I just said no, I wouldn't have these problems.  Or if I spread out my own projects so they didn't land all in the same time period, that would be really swell.   Unfortunately I don't appear to have a ton of control over when everything happens in life, but still, I could try harder to balance things.

And yes this is all bubbling up right now because I'm spending less than 3 hours a day at home (sleep not included).  And some days it's not even 3 hours.

Ugh.  And I need more human contact.  And by human contact, I mean with people I like.  The people at the DATC do not count.  And yes I'm doing a show...but it's just not the same as seeing my friends.  I need social interaction with people I don't want to punch in the face (or at least like enough to ignore the impulse).

Okay.  I'm done whining about this now.

Because I'm Just That Awesome

Today, I took 3 tests.  Don't worry.  I got 100% on all of them.  And just because I know someone out there is scoffing "They must have been REALLY easy".... They weren't.  It was my Pharmacology and the Human Body class.  I took the Anatomy test last week - 5 Chapters of information and I only missed 2, so suck it!  And I decided that I wanted to be DONE with this class(that and I didn't have a whole lot going on this weekend so I had loads of time to study...but I'm trying not to dwell on that).  So I took a test today on Pharmacology and Pharmacokinetics and a test on Pharmacy Math (it was a big fat nightmare of a review of basically everything I learned in that math class I took a month ago) and the Final for the class.

And now I only have 200 medications to memorize and test on and a Lab class and then I can do my Externship.  Yes.  I'm running WAY ahead of schedule.  But that's fine.

Now I have to start deciding what I want to do for my Externship.  Retail Pharmacy or Hospital Pharmacy.  The Instructor and Assistant Instructor have both only worked at Retail Pharmacies, so they aren't a lot of help in providing me with insight into the other.  So I'm going to have to do some research.  AND in the long term, where do I want to work?  I have a feeling I'll use more of the math at a Hospital.  And I am really good at the math portion (if I do say so myself).

But I just don't know.  In the meantime, I get to make 200 flashcards and carry them around with me everywhere I go.

Aren't you all jealous?

Breakout

I had FANTASTIC skin when I was a teenager.  I rarely had breakouts.  Usually it was just the occasional pimple popping up.

And now that I'm almost 30, I'm getting to enjoy the joys of acne.  Okay, it's not full blown acne, but it's not great.  AND the fact that I'm trying to date and be attractive right now is incredibly frustrating.

But it's all good.  Being stressed out is good for not wanting acne.  Oh wait.  No.  It's the CAUSE of adult acne.  Not okay.  So are sugary treats.  That's pretty much what I'm living on now that I'm doing school, work and rehearsal.  Healthy food is not necessarily portable food.  It's not good.  I'm trying to drink more water, but I hate using public restrooms, so there's that.

At this point in time, I can't really improve my sleeping habits (she says while typing a blog post at 10:45 at night).  I have rehearsal until at least 10:00 nearly every night.  And then it's up bright at early at 6:30 am.  If I could get to sleep right after rehearsal, it would probably be fine, but it takes me a little time to get calmed down for sleep.

ANYWAY... I think I need some new cleansing and possibly make up products.  So what does everyone use?  Does anyone have a suggestion?  I'm seriously dying here.  Don't say Proactive.  I'm not using Proactive.  And let's keep in mind that I'm on a budget.

And start the ideas rolling in.  I'm open to natural options too.

Glamour Shots

My friend, Ashley takes pictures.  She's swell.  Go to her website here. She took some pictures of me about a month ago.  And I am in love with them!    You've seen a few with the blog remodel.  But I thought I'd post a few more of my favorites here for your enjoyment.  Okay.  I just really like looking at them and I feel awfully vain just looking at them for no particular reason but to admire myself.

 Let me just say that I love this dress.  So.  Much.  I bought it several months ago and It's red and fantastic.  And I wore it to my Scarlet Pimpernel audition and we all know how that turned out!  Let's just say it's always a crowd pleaser.

 Okay.  This is probably my favorite of all the pictures.  The reason is going to sound a little crazy.  But this is how I picture myself in my head.  You know how when you imagine what you're wearing or what you look like or you picture yourself in a certain scenario and what you picture isn't the precise way that you look in the mirror?  Well, in my head, I'm soft and glowy.  Okay not exactly.  But this this is what I look like to myself in my head.  See, I'm a crazy person.

 Let's talk about how adorable my shoes are.

 I love photos that capture the real genuine article.  I don't love posed photos because they feel forced or fake.  But because Ashley is amazing and we have a good report, it was easy to just be myself.  Sometimes I look at other people's pictures and I think, "That doesn't look like that person."  But the awesome thing about these pictures is that I see various facets of my personality in every one of them.

 This alley was terrifying.  I was a little worried I was going to get a disease from touching things.  But it was WAY too cool and environment to not take advantage of.  I love it!

 I just think this picture is adorable.  I love my hands.  I know it's weird, but there you have it. 

 The Graffiti Wall.  Pure Awesomeness.  Plus I love my Orange Dorothy Sundress.

 Tell me you don't look at this picture and think "WENDI!"

 Anyone want to try to caption this picture?

 I don't usually like profile pictures of myself.  I have a long face and I don't love my chin.  But I like this one.  And Ashley told me I have a great chin, so I'm feeling better about that.

I love putting my hands in a sturdy door frame.

Aren't they spectacular?  I love them!  They're such fun pictures!  And they're exactly what I hoped they would be.  It was pretty much like Ashley and I were using the same brain.  It was a little scary.  She'd be like, "Okay now do... exactly what you're doing."  Cuz I'd already anticipated what she'd wanted.  We're amazing like that.

Seriously Ashley, I love them!

Just When You Think You're Prepared For the Unexpected...

You discover that there's WAY more Unexpected.  And you are completely caught off guard.  And you just have to shake your head and go, "Fine.  I get it.  I'll stop trying to prepare and anticipate everything because that's clearly an exercise in futility."

And that's all I have to say about that.

It's That Time Again

Time for another brain dump.  I'm trying to empty my brain before I go to sleep.  The nights when I have rehearsal, I can usual fall asleep in an efficient manner, and even when I don't, I get pretty high quality sleep because I'm so physically and emotionally wiped out.  But today has been a particularly loooong Sunday.  I'm a little concerned that I might not be able to get to sleep.

Part of that might be my own fault.  I don't know why, but I was So Freaking Exhausted today.  I made it thru church okay.  Mostly because I was filling in for Primary pianist, which kind of requires me to stay awake.  But post-church has been rough.  I full on fell asleep this afternoon while making flash cards for my Pharmacy class.  Yep.  It was that bad.  I pulled out the Diet Coke.  Hopefully it won't suddenly kick in with a vengence.  I didn't drink any past 6:00, so I think I should be okay. 

Lindsey and I always try to make it our goal to "make it" to 9:00 before we cave in to our old lady tendencies and go to bed.  But by 7:00, we were dead.  So we decided to take a walk.  We took a nice hour long walk.  It was pleasant weather, with the exception of all the smoke in the air.  And it killed an hour! 

Anyway, I'm definitely tired, but sometimes my brain prevents me from getting to sleep.  So I am trying to preempt that with this post.

I desperately need to memorize my Scarlet Pimpernel music.  It's really difficult to practice as much as I'd like with roommates.  I don't like feeling like I'm bothering people.  And since I'm singing Alto/2nd Soprano in this show, I need to sit at the piano a little more than I might normally so I can make sure I'm singing the right notes.  I have a few days off from rehearsal this week, so I'm going to try to get that all done this week.

On Friday, one of my days off from rehearsal, I'm going to see Angie in "9 to 5 The Musical" out at Hale.  I'm pretty excited about it. 

I don't keep Balance Sheets for my life.  I just assume that eventually the good, the bad, the ugly, the awesome, it will all balance out.  Eventually. 

I'm excited to start back playing at the University of Utah this week.  I've cleared out binders and I'm ready to go.  I haven't played a lot of hard musical theater stuff this summer, so I'm a little worried I'm going to rusty.  But I'm sure it won't take long to get back into the swing of things(I hope).

Taking a more passive approach to Facebook has been good for my sanity.  I've been much more content with life.  And I've felt a lot fewer urges to punch people in the face. 

I think I might be a tad too intense.  I know.  Brand new information.  Maybe I take myself too seriously.  I know I have incredibly high expectations for myself.  I just don't see it changing anytime soon.  What has led me to see this in myself again?  Oh.  You know.  I go to school and I'm the quiet kid who sits and studies dutifully and wants to throw things at people when they talk while I'm trying to take a test.  I just don't think some of the conversations that happen in the classroom are necessary.  And it's not like I'm opposed to a little relaxation.  I'm just a very focused person.  And I know not everyone is.  And then I go to rehearsal.  And I must have quite the expression on my face when I'm learning choreography or music because I've had multiple people come up and make comment to me about not looking so sad or smiling or having fun etc.  I'm not an unfun person....right?  I like to have fun and get to know my castmates.  But not at the expense of the production.  I just don't do anything half way.  And I like to give it my best effort every single time.  And in the beginning, especially, that takes more effort and focus.  The cast is great.  Just sometimes they're a little more social than I would like.  I know, it's not like that's hard.  I'm not Madame Social Butterfly.  I just feel like there's a time and a place for all the jabbering and the process could really be streamlined.  I know.  I just need to chill out.  I am aware that it's my issue. 

As a side note, it's been about a year since Sleepy Hollow started rehearsals.  We're approaching the year mark since my trip to Disney World.  And that means other important dates are coming up.  I'll be thirty in less than 2 months.  I've come to terms with it.  I'm not like super excited, but I don't think I'll end the evening in a drunken stupor.  And of course it's coming up on a year since that the divorce process started.  Because of this and my upcoming birthday, I've been thinking a lot about how this last year has been going.  It's definitely different than any other year of my life.  Very different.  I would never in a thousand years imagined some of the experiences I've had.  But I needed them.

Which leads me to my next thought...Heavenly Father has everything under control.  He knows where you need to be.  And even when you're stubborn and stupid and take the long route, he still makes sure you get there.  And so even when things are rough and I'm frustrated that I'm not where I'd like to be, I know that if it's where I'm supposed to be, I'll get there eventually.  I can't control everything that happens around me.  I can't control all the choices that people make.  But I have faith that Heavenly Father has it covered.  What's meant to be, will be.  Sometimes it takes longer than we'd like.  Sometimes we even have that feeling that it will be a long road.  That doesn't always make it easier.  I know from experience that things turn out the way they're supposed to.  While it still breaks my heart a little(okay a lot) that I don't get to be a mom, I know it's what had to be.  And I think it gave me some of the tools I needed to deal with the divorce and being single again. 

I still get frustrated.  There are things I want so badly.  Things I know it's not wrong to want.  Things, in fact, that I SHOULD want.  And other people have them and take them for granted and whine and complain and neglect their precious responsibilities.  And it makes me so angry when I would give up all of my so-called "freedom" as a single woman to have those commitments they are so "burdened" with.  And I feel left behind.  I feel sometimes like everyone is getting to move on with their life and I'm being left in a Groundhog's Day type scenario, forced to repeat the same lonely moments over and over. 

But I'm up to the challenge.  Everyday is a new adventure.  And I'm not afraid of what might lay ahead.  I'm so used to working so hard for everything in my life, that things being difficult don't even phase me anymore.  And isn't the things we work the hardest for, that we appreciate and love and treasure the most?  Some things are just worth waiting and working for.  And if there's anything I've learned how to do from my life experiences, it's how to wait and work.  And I definitely don't know how to quit.

Phew.  Hopefully that emptied out enough of the weighty items that I'll be able to drift off to happy thoughts and lovely dreams in no time at all.

It's About to Get Political

On Facebook, I avoid political ranting like the plague.  It's not that I'm not political.  I mean, come on kids, I have a minor in politics.  I do NOT however, like 1) arguing for the sake of arguing or 2) fighting losing battles or 3) alienating people because once every 4 years we all lose the ability to play well with each other and acknowledge that people are different and thus have different opinions. 

However, this is MY blog.  So I can do whatever I want.

That being said, this is not a bash *insert candidate name here* ad or a *insert candidate name* can do no wrong promo. 

I feel very strongly that people need to prepare themselves for the voting process.  I'd like to hope that most of you have at least passively kept tabs on things up to this point.  But now that we pretty much have confirmed tickets on both Democrat and Republican sides, it's time to get serious. 

First things first:  Make sure you're registered.  I thought that I had done that when I changed my drivers license, but apparently not.  So I've got to get on top of that myself.  And of course, make sure you know where you're assigned to vote.  Know what district you are in so you can be aware of the other items and people on the ballot, not just the "big" ticket items.

I am a firm believer that people should be informed on issues.  Now, trying to keep up with every minute detail of every issue that might come up in passing during election season is probably more than most people really want to deal with.  But at least take a look at economic policy, foreign policy and other policies that may impact you.  For example, if you're on Medicare, you're gonna want to know candidate's plans for that.  If you are struggling in the job area, please be aware of how candidates propose to create jobs.  And so on and so forth depending on your personal situation.  I'm saying at the very MINIMUM you should know what is going on with policies that might effect you directly.  Due to the nature of the beast that is Washington, Politics and the United States Government, it's likely that more will impact you than you think, but for starters, pick a handful of topics to research.

I prefer a broad overview of everything.  If there are specific policies that tickle my fancy, intrigue me or I believe have a particular application to me, I delve a little deeper.  But when it comes time for Presidential debates, I like to have a general idea of what is going on, over all.  But that's just me.

Now.  When you do your research please Please PLEASE look at a variety of sources.  Writing unbiased in politics is very difficult to do.  Everyone has an agenda and the media excels and adding crap to the pot, so to speak.  I think life is difficult enough without someone creating problems, but I guess that's why I'm not in politics or media.  What I'm saying is that what you read in, say the Huffington Post articles is going to vary greatly from say Fox News (and yes I'm aware of the extremes I just picked.  I did it on purpose to demonstrate a point).  All I'm saying is, look at a variety of sources and a variety of viewpoints.  A single article is not going to give you enough information about anything.

Look at the candidate's policy histories.  Look at their personal histories.  And please keep in mind that politicians are A) Not going to solve all the world's problems and B) Going to say what they need to in order to get elected and C) Have staff that know how to "spin" everything. 

One last thing as I ease off my soapbox for the night.  Remember that not everyone has the same priorities that you do.  Not everyone thinks and analyzes and emphasizes the same things that you do.  Even if you're the same religion or go to the same gym or own the same make and model of car.  It's okay to be different.  And remember that, eventhough you don't agree with the sign in your neighbor's yard or think that your friend is narrow-minded, after November, you're probably going to see them again and want to be friends.  Don't be so arrogant as to think your way of thinking is the only way of thinking.  Even within parties, people don't always get along.  Don't stoop to name calling and belittling.  Remember what we learn in Kindergarten.

And... If you don't vote, you don't get to complain.  Seriously.  If you can't even get your butt to a voting booth to exercise your American Privelege to vote, I don't want to hear it.  I don't care what state you live in and whether or not you think your vote "counts".  Take part in the Election process or keep your mouth shut.

Okay.  I'm done.  See how I did that and you're all still friends with me?  Right....?

Shall We Be Random? Yes, Yes, I Think We Shall.

Kelly Clarkson is trying to convince you that "What doesn't kill you makes you Stronger."  But I propose there's another option "What doesn't kill you makes you more vulnerable to the next attack."

Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night is rarely a good idea.  Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night and realizing you don't have a rolling pin...even worse.  THEN you get the "brilliant" idea to use one of those big church cannery cans.  And it's extra moist out because of the humidity...blah!  AND you have the stroke of genius to make your cinnamon rolls in cupcake papers and pans so they're easier to transport and eat at rehearsal tomorrow.  It was a HOT MESS in my kitchen (although, still less of a mess than anytime that certain roommate bakes) tonight.  My Cast-mates had better appreciate and love these cinnamon rolls!

Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night is still a better idea than putting together your new desk at 10:00 at night.  That one will have to wait until tomorrow.

Most of the time, I can convince myself that I can survive the next 50+ years (probably closer to 60+ years considering the awesome genes in the family) without a husband.  I mean, really, a lot of things are pretty much the same.  I still take care of the budget and the bills, there's just less to work with...on both ends, so that's good.  I still cook and clean.  I still do laundry.  I still grocery shop.  I still shop on sale.  I still do a lot of the things I did before.  But I don't have to share a bed and listen to anyone snore.  And I don't have to check in with anyone before I make plans.  I don't have to accomodate another person with my cooking.  I don't have to deal with in-laws.  However, I do have to be the bread-winner.  I don't mind working, especially since I know it's a necessity.  I don't have anyone else to rely on or lean on in times of crisis.  I don't have anyone to pick up the slack when I get really stressed out.  I don't have anyone to sit and help me put furniture together or make cinnamon rolls with at 10:00 at night. 

I just killed the third giant spider of the day.  It is NOT okay.  I can deal with the occassional creepy-crawly in the house.  But 3 GIANT ones in a single day?  I might not sleep tonight.  Is it inappropriate to pray for a spider incident-free night?  And I'll definitely be spraying the house with bug spray tomorrow.  Apparently with the draught, we should all be expecting to see more of the precious little darlings.  *shudder*

Jaw tension is the bane of my existence right now.  Apparently, with all the stress of the last couple years, I've been clenching my jaw while I sleep AND now that I'm aware of the problem, I catch myself doing it during the day too.  And it is wreaking havoc with my singing.  Now that I've caught on to the problem, I'm working to solve it.  But it is HARD work!  I wake up every morning and do jaw wiggling and loosening exercises.  I look like a crazy person.  And as I drive around singing, I make sure I'm keeping my jaw loose and if it starts to lock up, I sing while wiggling my jaw and sometimes my neck and shoulders.  I probably look like I'm have a seizure.  And I do my warm ups while wiggling my jaw.  And if I catch myself clenching during the day, I wiggle my jaw.  On the bright side, it seems to be helping.  Now I just have to do it so much that it retrains my body and mind not to clench my jaw. 

I am exhausted beyond description right now.  And I really just want to go to sleep.  But now that I just killed a giant spider in my room, I keep looking for more.  It might be safer if I sleep in my car.  They look like man-eating spiders.  I don't know where they're coming from, but they better go to sleep outside.  And tomorrow I'll take care of spraying all doors and windows etc so that they don't feel welcome.  If I make it to tomorrow....

*Insert Olympic Fanfare Here*

I really love watching the Olympics.  And I have been sadly deprived of the privilege for the most part this time around.  And I am most displeased.

You see, a few weeks ago, I got amitious and pulled al the furniture out from the walls to vacuum and clean and such(fine.  I found a giant spider and wanted to make sure he didn't have any friends).  While I had the TV moved out, I tried hooking up the TV to the antenna.  I don't think I got the cable on quite right.  I oculd get a picture on the TV, but no sound.  Of course, the antenna was giving me limited channels anyway... 4 and 13.  And I never got around to having someone come and try to get things situated correctly.  Part of it may be pride.  I get pretty determined that I can do things by myself.  And I get extra irritated with an Electronic device gets the best of me. 

Anyway, because of this, I haven't watch much of the Olympics, just what I catch when I'm visit other people's houses.  I feel kind of ripped off. 

Truth be told, I REALLY love the Winter Olypmics.  I always wanted to be a figure skater.

I Guess You Learn Something New Everyday?

It just might not be what you think you're going to learn.

Today was my first day of my first official Pharmacy class.  My Pharmacy Math class was actually in the Math Classroom, where as all my Pharmacy classes are held in Pharmacy Classroom.  And while I learned a lot about the history of Pharmacy and some of the things that have changed over time (that was Module 1), I also learned a lot of other very um...valuable?...and um....useful?... information.  I don't want to hoard all of this wisdom.  I would feel just plain selfish.  Allow me to share....

#1-  That whole tolerance thing I'm working really hard on, particularly where it applies to my one roommate (whom I still want to kill, btw...but I haven't), is really going to be put to the test with some of the people in the Pharmacy Technician Program.

#2-  On that note, I learned I am just one of those really intense, focused people.  Okay.  I already knew that.  What I didn't necessarily know was that it was such a complete rarity.  In my math class, I sat and did math homework for 6 hours.  And while it got a little tedious and I started to see cross-eyed, not once did I wish I had someone to chat with.  I don't like distractions.

#3-  Which leads me to...growing up the oldest of 6 kids taught me how to tune out excess noise while I work.  I can actually do it fairly effectively.  Of course, it would be nicer if there weren't so many distractions.

#4-  Dolly Parton has big boobs.  WHAT?!  This is brand new information!  Oh wait.  No it isn't.  Not only did I already have this information, but one of my best friends is gearing up to play Dolly's character from 9 to 5 in "9 to 5 the Musical" out at Hale right now.  And I've seen the padding it requires.  Also, apparently the daughter of one of my classmates has a DDD cupsize.  Really?  Thanks for sharing...WHILE I'M TRYING TO TAKE A TEST! 

#5-  That whole "dress code" thing and "Professionalism" thing that was so heavily stressed in our Welcome to Pharmacy Technician-ing packet?  Yeah apparently we don't enforce that.  Good to know.  Here I was concerned that I was going to go through sweatpant withdrawal.  Clearly that's unnecessary pain I can now avoid.  I mean, I won't wear sweatpants to class, but I guess it's always nice to know I could...and that someone will. 

#6-  My Pharmacy Tech teacher/advisor was 40 minutes late to class.  At 15 after, someone came to unlock the door and let us in.  Good thing I'm a self-starter, as it was my first day of class.  I actually found her presence a little superfluous, actually. 

#7-  If you "teach"(and I use that word liberally seeing as all she has to do is grade tests and answer questions we might have) pharmacy at the DATC, it's best to be super familiar with all kinds of drugs.

#8-  I am totally underqualified to be in this program.  I do not take hands-fulls of prescription meds or even over-the-counters, if at all avoidable.  I am not on anti-depressants.  I do not have miscreant children.  I did not get pregnant in high school and now have miscreant teenagers.  I am, however, a divorced female.  There are a lot of those in the program.  Very bitter ones.  With potty language.  Which we were also instructed not to use as per our Code of Professional Conduct in the handout we were given.  Silly me.  I actually read mine.

#9-  I don't think these people have ever met someone quite like me.  Sorry kids.  I'm not here to join your Angry Bitties club.  And I have ZERO desire to discuss your kids going to the principal's office or your daughter's boyfriend or ANYONE'S boob-size.  I'm here to take my classes, kick your butts on every test (seriously I get that we can take the test more than once.  But why plan on taking in more than once?  "Just take it and then you'll know what to study."  Yeah.  That's clearly how I function....NOT!), get certified and leave you all.  I'd even use this as a stepping stone to Pharmacy School, if it didn't take so long and cost so much money.  Oh.  And I'm older than you think.  Older than several of you, with your miscreant teenagers. 

#10-  I'm really grateful the kid with the Ukelele wasn't there today.  I might have killed him.

See?  Look at all the new things I learned today!  But you know what?  Not a one of them were on my test....which I passed the first time, thank you very much...with 100%.

Drama Free Zone

This is a Drama-Free Zone!
(Imagine me saying the above while drawing a circle around me with my hands...it's a big circle)

I do not like to create drama for myself.  I do not need other people's drama to be part of my life.  And most importantly, do not create drama for me. 

I did not like drama in Junior High.  I did not like it in High School.  And I definitely do not like it now that I'm 30 (nearly) and a grown up.

It is one of the big reasons I had a lot of guy friends growing up.  Guys are WAY less drama (consistently) than girls.  And if you tell them to just take it outside and fight to the death, they will.  End of drama.  Girls insist on dragging it on...and on...and on.  And I have zero tolerance for it.

In case you're struggling with the concept...

Don't drag me into your problems and I won't drag you into mine.  And certainly to do not try to create problems in my life.  Trust me when I tell you I have more than I can already handle.

Okay.  I'm stepping off my soapbox now.  You can return to your regularly scheduled programming.

I've Got Productivity Coming Out of My...

Well, you get the idea. 

Let me give you a little snapshot of my day...

6:00 a.m.- Alarm goes off.  I was enjoying some unusually good sleep so that was less than thrilling.  But up I got and did a little early morning workout.  Stretching for my Do the Splits goal (getting closer...I'd be closer still if I did my stretching consistently).  Got ready for the day.

7:30 a.m.- Out the door, into the car and get some singing practicing done in the car on my way to the good old DATC.  I'm pretty much the queen of multi-tasking. 

8:00 a.m.-  Class starts.  I work through my last section of my math homework.  I take my 4th test and...drumroll please... I pass with a 91%!  Huzzah!  This means I don't have to take the final.  Soooo.

11:00 a.m. to Noon - I sit and wait in the unending line to get my next class set up.  My next class is Intro to Pharmacy Technician and it's only a 15 hour class, which means I'll be done in a week.  Oh yeah.  Because I can only take 1 class at a time because of the MWF schedule I'm doing so that I can play at the University on Tuesdays and Thursday.  Oh well.  I'll still finish pretty efficiently.  Unfortunately that means I continue to have the same class for 6 hours a day.  Yucky.

Noon-ish-  Go to the Bookstore and pick up a couple more things for the class I will be taking AFTER the Intro class.  I know. I know.  I'm an overachiever.  But I have a long weekend because I don't have class on Friday ( I don't know why the DATC is closed Thursday and Friday, but it is) and so I want to make sure I have appropriate material to prepare.  Yes.  I'm that kid.

12:30 p.m.- Go to the bank.  Nothing too exciting here.  Just a deposit.  Although, I do love putting money in the bank.

1:00 p.m. -  Home.  I start cleaning my room in preparation for what ends up being an out of control cleaning afternoon.  You see, I came home from church yesterday to discover my roommate's mother (yes the roommate that drives me bonkers but I'm trying really hard to not get frustrated with) was staying with us and she'd brought a furry little rat with her.  Okay.  It was a dog.  But still.  It was some kind of long-haired ratty looking creature that made my eyes water just looking at it.  And since A) it caught me off guard and B) I'm non-confrontational, I rushed upstairs, changed and then retreated before my allergies got worse or I killed someone/thing...or both.  Anyway...because of the dog incident, I knew the house needed to be cleaned top to bottom to eliminate further allergen spreading.  And since Bea had to work, Lindsey and I got right to it.  She tackled the kitchen while I worked my OCD magic on the living room.  I'm actually doing a lot better at the not having to have things super clean, but when it comes to the animal allergy issue, I am VERY thorough.  It's either that or I suffocate.  I even vacuumed the offending roommate's Dry Clean Only blanket.  I didn't know what else to do and I certainly couldn't risk all the hair and dander transferring to the newly clean house.  So we vacuumed and mopped and wiped and dusted the house top to bottom.  And I did laundry.  Then, we went to town on our bedrooms.  I sorted and organized and...yeah I was on a ROLL!  And all the while I did some more singing practicing.  Seriously guys, my room is spotless.  And I got all my laundry done.

6:00 p.m.-  Yes we did 5 hours of cleaning.  Dinner time for me.  Lindsey and I sat down to enjoy dinner and a little Downton Abbey. 

6:45 p.m.-  Get ready and go to Centerpoint for rehearsal.

7:00 p.m.-  10:00 p.m.-  Rehearsal  We did some dancing today.  I'm so excited to be in a show where I get to sing and dance...and you know, be on stage for more than 3.5 minutes.  Unfortunately, I made another creeper friend.  I need less stalker-like friends. 

10:15 p.m.-  Get home from Rehearsal.  A little wind-down talk with Lindsey, pajama time, a little blogging, reload my T-Mobile monthly plan (stupid sales guy who said I couldn't do it online) and well, you're all caught up.

11:30ish p.m.-  (That's about now)  Go to sleep.

I mean, I should be exhausted.  Aren't you just reading it all?

Merci Beaucoup

I once told my Ex, during one of our many discussions on his belief system those last 2 years, that I thought it was the height of hubris to believe that everything good that happens to you is your own doing.

It doesn't matter if you believe in God or any higher power, or not, it doesn't make my point any less true.

How arrogant do you really have to be to think that every good thing that happens in your life is a direct result of your basic awesomeness and has nothing to do with anything anyone else did?

I know that I absolutely would not be where I am without the support, assistance, recommendation, teaching, love, encouragement, service etc of so many others.  And I'm incredibly grateful.

Which leads me to the point of this blog post.  I've been thinking a lot about my various relationships, family and friends, and I've realized what is lacking in the less than stellar ones.  It's really quite simple, which is probably one of the reasons that we allow it to fall by the wayside so easily and often without really noticing.  It's just two simple words:  Thank You.

Before you scoff and think I'm over-simplifying, stop and think about it for a minute.  In your relationships that are kind of struggling...are you feeling lazy, like it needs a bit of a caffine boost or something?  Do you just kind of hum-drum through whatever conversation or activity you're doing and then that's it?  Does it feel a little forced even?  And are you easily frustrated with that person? 

Now I want you to think about what would happen if you started saying Thank You.  Chances are that you think you're saying it more than you actually are.  I'm telling you, these two words, that we insist our small children learn and always catch them when they don't, are the magic words that will turn relationships from tedious to tremendous. 

If you start expressing your appreciation, even or rather ESPECIALLY for small and simple things, you'll notice that you'll want to do things in return and that they will also pick up on it and reciprocate.  They're start expressing their gratitude and doing more acts of kindness for you.  Because really, I think we all want to help each other be happy.  And I know that I always feel so much more helpful and important to a person when they notice the kind and generous things I do because I want to.  And then I'm more likely to want to do more to make their life easier. 

Conversely, if I feel like I'm being taken for granted and my thoughtful gestures go unnoticed, well, honestly, I still continue to try to help (I totally will let myself be taken advantage of...yeah spread that around...wink wink), but I'll do it begrudgingly and be a little bitter about it.  I definitely won't continue to do it in the spirit in which it should be done.

Anyway, I challenge you to give this a go.  Just add a few more thank you's into your relationships and notice how much brighter and easier they are.

(Also, please note how I'm practicing my French)

My Favorite Things...Yeah I've Got More

I have some new favorite things in life.  And since this is my blog, and I can write whatever I want, I'm going to share them.  Maybe they're not life-changing for you, but keep in mind that each of these things has changed me in some way.

#1-  Pharmacy Technician School-  I really like to be challenged.  I like to be pushed.  It's the kind of environment in which I thrive.  And Pharmacy is something so different than anything I've ever pursued.  But you know what?  I'm good at it.  That's not to say that I don't have to work at it.  I do.  But working hard at something doesn't bother me.  Give me a challenge, please.  I love a good challenge.

#2-  "If Only" From The Little Mermaid, the musical- I'm working on a "Role Study" right now.  When you do a Role Study, you learn all the songs that a specific character sings in the show and stuff.  So I'm learning Ariel's songs from the musical.   This particular song is a Quartet with Ariel, Prince Eric, Sebastian and King Triton.  And I really love it.  I think it's partially because I feel like I don't always have to voice I need to communicate things to people.  I try to let them know in different ways, but I'm not always great at using my words.  And Ariel's plea "If Only" Eric knew the things she wishes she could say, strikes home with me in so many aspects of my life.   If you're unfamiliar, I suggest you find it an listen to it.  Maybe it's not your cup of tea, but I love it.

#3-  Truly Great Parents- I have really awesome parents.  Not only are they being supportive of the fairly crazy ideas I've had this summer(last minute 80 hour road trip anyone?  Impulsively going to Pharmacy School?  Showing up at their house at a late hour in tears from a stress-induced breakdown?), they taught me excellent life skills that come in very handy.  In order to continue doing the things that I love (music) and pay for school, I'm definitely using my budgeting skills they taught me and really appreciative of all the saving money lessons they instilled in us growing up.  This means I know that, at the very least, all of my schooling can be covered by my savings.  But since I'm still scheduling work at the University of  Utah and anywhwere else I can squeeze it in (also thank to the parents teaching me to work my way through life), it shouldn't have to be.  For that and so many things, they get to make the Favorite Things list.

#4-  My New Pictures- I know I already mentioned how much I love them.  But seriously.  They're amazing!  And I promise to share some more with you soon.

#5-  Agency-  My Truly Great Parents always drilled Agency and Consequences into our heads.  I understand that I make choices.  And when I make choices, I have consequences.  Cause and Effect people.  This should not be a foreign concept.  What seems to be foreign for some people is that you not only have to accept the good effects, but you have to accept the bad ones too.  I have absolutely no problem accepting responsbility for my actions.  In fact, as you might have gathered from previous posts, I have a tendency to accept responsibility for other people's actions too.  But sometimes, I forget that when I'm suffering the ill effects of something, I have a choice to make it stop.  In the spirit of that, I'm taking a break from Facebook.  It's app is getting deleted off my phone.  And since I don't have 24/7 access to my computer, I won't be nearly as tempted to visit.  I just get frustrated that whenever I'm bored, I feel like I should check facebook, like that's going to solve my boredom.  It doesn't.  Particularly not when I'm bored every 3 minutes, so nothing really has time to change.  The new goal is no more than once a day.  And I won't be posting, unless it's pictures through Instagram.  I'm trying really hard not to judge people or get frustrated with people and Facebook makes those things REALLY difficult.

I think for tonight, that's all the Favorite Things I'll share.  They're really in no particular order, just as they popped into my head.

Now I'm headed back to studying for what should be my final Pharmacy Math test tomorrow morning.  Then I get to register for new classes.  I'm pretty excited to not spend 6 hours a day working on math.