Gratitude Day 60

I'm grateful for Ikea. Man I love that place! I anticipate several more trips in coming weeks as I figure out what I need for my new single life.

But next time, I'm bringing some company. I can today to get my dresser and I came alone. Wandering Ikea is significantly less fun by myself.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 59

I'm grateful I'm not much of a pack rat. I mean, I hang on to a few things, but eventually I can throw them out. And I definitely would never be on an episode of Hoarders, so that's good. It's making the sorting/cleaning/packing portion of the move pretty easy.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 58

I'm grateful for all the skills my mother and grandmothers have taught me. Cooking, baking(you all know it's different from cooking), quilting, sewing, cleaning and so much more...all these are things I have been taught by those amazing women.

I'm so grateful I have those skills.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 57

I'm grateful for after Christmas sales! Yesterday I bought a pair of dress pants for $8.54 from New York & Company. So happy! Now I have pants to wear for my long-term subbing job!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 56

I'm grateful for Legos. That may sound weird. But it's true.

I grew up with Legos everywhere. My brothers love them. Even now they are playing with their Legos. They all got new sets for Christmas. Add that to the 37 millions they had before and they're pretty much in imagination Heaven.

It makes me smile.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 55

I'm so very grateful for the birth of the Savior.  Yesterday's gratitude was about Savior of the World.  In the scene where the shepherds find the Baby Jesus, Angels descend and stand on the stage surrounding the manger and Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus.  I was so fortunate to be one of these angels.  I'm telling you it touched me so deeply every time I did it. 

I know many of us were there that holy night.  And to portray that several times a week is one of my most treasured experiences. 

I'm so grateful for my Savior. I'm grateful for the sacrifice He made that I might return to live with Him and our Father in Heaven.  I feel so blessed to be a member of this church and to have the knowledge of the gospel in my life.

Gratitude Day 54

Last year I had the amazing opportunity to be part of Savior of the World at the Conference Center.  I feel so blessed to have been apart of this production.  It was a great experience for myself and my brother, Brian.  Being in Savior of the World was unlike being in any other show.  The environment was so uplifting.  You didn't have the usual backstage drama.  Everyone was looking out for each other.  You didn't have competing casts.  You didn't even care about that kind of stuff. 

And it was such a great way to get into the spirit of the season.  I kind of struggled feeling "Christmasy" this year.  Maybe it was the lack of snow.  Maybe it was all the craziness in my life.  Maybe it's that Christmas totally snuck up on me.  Maybe it was something completely different.  I don't know.  But it was a lot of work to be festive this year.

Last year was such an uplifting and amazing experience.  I know that it helped get me through several rough months.  It gave me strength to go through another day.  It gave me something to look forward to.  It gave me amazing people to influence me for good.  It gave me a stronger testimony of the Savior. 

I'm so grateful for my experience with Savior of the World.  Hopefully someday I'll get to do it again.

Gratitude Day 53

I'm grateful for Holiday Baking.  It hasn't made me as fat this year as I would have liked(go ahead and start with the comments on how you all hate me), but man is it tasty!  We've got lots of treats at the house right now.  And there are plans for making more today. 

I'm grateful for Holiday Baking and treats.  But I'll be happy when the temptation is gone and I can go back to eating healthy things.

Gratitude Day 52

I have some pretty awesome genetics. I know that sounds odd. But it's pretty true. Allow me to elaborate.

I've never had a cavity. No. It's true! I do not know what it feels like to have my teeth drilled. I know what it feels like to be numbed because I had my 2 front teeth pulled when I was about 5. But aside from that, I've never had a traumatizing experience at the dentist. I go, I'm cleaned, x-rayed and counted and I go home. My dentist used to tell me to rinse with coke. He thought it was funny, so I laughed. So yeah, I'm 29 and cavity free. Never had braces either. I know this is genetics because my siblings are the same way.

I still get to enjoy the company of both sets of grandparents! First, how lucky am I?! I mean, I know I'm one of the older grandchildren on both sides, but I still think it's pretty impressive. And both sets are still kicking(mostly). I mean, they've had to slow down a bit and none of them really want to admit they are aging, but for the most part, they've lived very healthy, very active lives! And you know, I have great grandparents that lived into their 90's? Yup I'm pretty much going to live forever.

Something else that I think goes along with that....I have a super immune system. I don't spend much time being sick. An annual sinus infection, which can usually be blamed on allergies, is about all I suffer from. Don't misunderstand. I catch colds and other bugs too. But not near so often as others. I know there's a lot of gross things going around right now. I've been healthy and happy(I actually remember reading some article one that happy people tend to get sick less. I think that's true.), even though a lot of people I know have been ill(knock on wood, of course).

There are a lot of other great things I got through genetics, but I don't want to bore you further. Just know....I'm grateful!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 51

I'm grateful it's FINALLY snowing! Now keep it coming! I need to get some skiing in this year! Also, I'm dreaming of a white Christmas!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Don't I Know It...

"Faith makes things possible...not easy."

I saw this quote on a plaque at Deseret Book yesterday. It pretty much reached out and grabbed me.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 50

Today I'm grateful for patience. I haven't always been a particularly patient person. Even now, sometimes I struggle. But not usually when it really counts.

I've learned the value of patience the hard way. I've had to exercise it a lot. And while that can be frustrating, there are times when I am very grateful for it. I know when I need to take a deep breath, step back and take a chill pill.

And now, I don't mind waiting to see what happens in my life. I'm excited and nervous to start anew, but I know that I can't rush it.

Good things come to those who wait...and wait...and wait some more.... Man I've been waiting a loooong time! I think my "good thing" is going to be AWESOME!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 49

I'm grateful for my brain. Oh ok. That sounded even weirder out loud than it did in my head. Excellent. Let me explain.

As I'm sure you "regular" readers (I flatter myself to think I have them, I'm sure) have discovered, my brain works incredibly fast. This is great when I'm writing. Less great when I want to speak. It's the reason I don't comment often in church. I have a stroke of brilliance and then it's gone and I sit and try to reformulate...by then I've had 6 more thoughts and we've moved on to a different topic. It's the reason I'm not great with idle chit chat. My brain gets ahead of me.

But, my brain does really great things too. It's very methodical. It's efficient though. So what it would take some people a loooong time to think through, I can do in a relatively short period. And I do so thoroughly.

I didn't take the decision to start my life over easily. It's one that took months and months. Honestly, it took longer than it should have mostly because I was so worried about what kind of person it would make me. I was worried about what other people would think. I was worried about hurting him. The funny thing is, when I thought about a new life, I knew I would be ok. I have great family and friends. I have a lot of things that keep me busy. I'm smart. I'm not too hard on the eyes. I'm mostly a nice person(just don't be stupid and I won't have to punch you in the face or run you over with my car). I wasn't worried about finding my place and moving on with life. I was(and still am) worried for him. And the more I thought about it, the more I worried. Eventually I got to a breaking point that forced my hand. But since I had a brain that works in over time, when I realized it was time to act, I could because I'd already thought things though. I already had a plan(yes I'm one of those crazy people who always has a plan...I've just learned to be much more flexible because things rarely go according to my plans).

My brain is pretty sure this post makes zero sense. I should probably stop before you all decide to send me to the loony bin.

So I'm grateful for the way my brain works. I'm grateful it's speedy and flexible(mostly). I just wish that what came out of my mouth sometimes was as brilliant as what my brain thinks.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No Looking Back

I've been thinking a lot over the last few months about regrets.  I hear a lot of people say things like, "I don't want to have any regrets" or "I have no regrets".  And as I think about the experiences in my life, I wondered if I have regrets.  I desperately wanted to say that I didn't regret anything.  But that's just not true.  I have regrets.  I think everyone does and people who say they don't are kidding themselves.

That being said, I can't dwell on my regrets.  There's a lot of things that, with the help of hind-sight, if I could go back in time, I would change.  But I can't go back.  And honestly, would I really change them?  I'm not sure that I actually would.  Most of these things have been instrumental in building me into my charming self.  And quite frankly, several of the things I regret were out of my control to begin with.  I'm not certain I could change them if I wanted to.  I guess I could change the circumstances that put me in those situations in the first place(is your head spinning yet?). 

Anyway, as I've been thinking about regrets and how I wish I didn't have regrets, but how they're really unavoidable.  I think about how, despite the struggles I've had, I've managed to pick myself up, dust things off, and rebuild my life and continue on.  How do I keep doing that?  And what often boggles my mind is that I manage to do it and seem happy...well, actually BE happy doing it. 

I might be a freak.  But I don't like to wallow.  Very rarely am I one of those girls who curls up with a gallon of ice cream, a Chick Flick, a box of tissues and spends the better part of a weekend in this state(complete the picture with sweats and skip hygiene).  I don't broadcast my woes.  I don't talk to the general public or even some of my friends and acquaintances about all my problems.  Rarely will you see me cry, especially in public.  I often joke that I'm dead inside. 

What if that's kind of true?  My ability to move ahead so easily from the divorce sometimes worries me a little.  Maybe there's an issue I'm not dealing with.  Maybe I'm ignoring the pain.  Maybe I really am cold, unfeeling and dead inside.  Honestly, sometimes I wonder.

Part of the problem, is that I'm a bottler.  I take my problems and I put them in a jar.  I keep adding to that jar.  Eventually, it gets too full and explodes in what is usually a mental and emotional breakdown of epic proportions. 

Another issue is that it takes me a little while to mull things over and think them through.  I have my own little process.  I have to let things bounce around in my head a bit.  I have to look at them from all different views.  I have to do my research.  I have to come to a couple possible conclusions/solutions.  Then I go to one of my close friends and talk it over.  But I'm really quite pragmatic about the whole thing.  Usually I don't get overly emotional(there it is again...I'm dead inside). 

And then I just move on. 

I can't afford to think of it as a regret.

I can't afford to think of it much at all.

I just don't look back.

I figure out what I needed to learn from the experience.  And then I look ahead to the next adventure.  I remember the life lesson.  I don't need to relive the pain everyday to remember what I learned.  I don't need to dwell on the misery of my life.  I don't need to talk about it in Relief Society.  I don't need to broadcast it daily on facebook(on occassion, I have a moment of weakness and I'm a little whiney). 

The whole "No Looking Back" thing typically works.  Although, to be honest, there are several things in my past that haunt me fairly regularly.  They take up a lot of space in my jar and I wish I could just move past them.  These are things that have left quite the scar on my psyche.  They keep me from fully jumping into certain situations.  They make me doubt my abilities.  They make me doubt that I can be the person I want to be.  They make me doubt my worth.  They nibble at my confidence and erode foundations I've tried to build. 

And then I put up walls.  I make myself unapproachable.  (don't lie and tell me it's not true, people have told me I'm unapproachable)  I take that deadness inside me and let the world think that's who I really am; someone incapable of sympathy and compassion. 

It's a process I guess.  And recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it, right? 

Not looking back is how I'm getting through this tough time in my life.  I can't think "What ifs" or "Could have beens".  I just have to move on.  It happened.  It was crappy, but it happened.  I didn't have control over the situation, it just happened. 

So I put it in a jar and bottle it up.  I ignore the pain.  I ignore the betrayal.  I ignore the nibbles and pretend I can't feel it dragging me down. 

I take another step forward.  I have to keep trudging along.  Everyday, another tiny step forward; another step away from the hurt.  It's a choice I make to try to get past the agony.  It's the choice I have to make if I think I want happiness.  It's my choice. 

And I just do it.  No looking back.

Gratitude Day 48

I'm grateful for my blog.  It's kind of like my journal.  I'm so much better at sorting things trough when I write things down.  I appreciate all of you humoring me and reading the rants of a crazy person(that would be me). 

And not to worry.  A few more weeks of Gratitude (it really does help me be positive during this change in my life), and then I can guarantee things are going to get a lot more exciting on this blog.  That's all I can say.  I guess you're just going to have to stick around to find out. 

On that note, I've decided that I'm going to take the blog private.  So... a lot of you know the routine.  If you want to be able to read my ramblings, I'll need you to send me a message or email or something and tell  me your email address and I'll send you an invite.  You have until January 1st.  And then it's going private.  If you make a comment here with your email address, I won't post it, I'll just make note of the email.

Gratitude Day 47

I'm grateful for my new living situation!

I found out I should be moving in sometime at the end of December/beginning of January.  Hopefully, I can get in at the end of December.  I have to start my long-term subbing job January 3rd.  It would be nice if my life weren't a complete disaster at that point.

I'm excited to get to know my 2 new roommates.  I'm excited to try the roommate thing.  I'm excited to go to a Singles Ward (never got to do that the 1st time around).  I'm excited for all the new adventures that await me!

Gratitude Day 46

I'm grateful for free time. 

I'm finding I have more than I thought.  I didn't make The Importance of Being Earnest.  This is my way of spinning it so that I don't become extra bitter. 

Now that I'm not going to bogged down with rehearsals and performances(or preparing for auditions because I'm emotionally worn out), I'll have time to do all the things I've been putting off. Such as...

Write the next Great American Novel
Cure Cancer
Run for Political Office
Learn to Ride a Unicycle
Hitchhike Across the Country
Solve World Hunger
Learn to Golf
Date (Okay, I actually plan on doing this one)
Work on My Fusion Reactor
Become a Racecar Driver
Practice my Lightsaber Technique
Watch Trashy Reality TV
Earn my Millions Creating Useless iPhone Apps
Travel Abroad (I really want to do this one too)
Join the Circus
Practice the Art of Seduction

And that's just the tip of the ice berg.  The World is my oyster!  I can do anything!  I've been given the gift of time!  If you have any other ideas I should add to my list, let me know!

Gratitude day 45

I'm grateful for Christmas music! I love it! I haven't really played it as much this year as in the past. But I do love it! These are some of my favorites...

Sleigh Ride- I love playing this on the piano. The duet is awesome...if only I had some to play it with me.
All I Want For Christmas is You- you know, the Mariah Carey one. Takes me back. I have several interesting memories about this one.
Cold December Night- have heard this new one from Michael Buble? No?! You need to remedy that right now!
The Christmas Waltz- a classic and a long time favorite of mine.
Baby it's Cold Outside- brilliant! Now I just need me a man to sing it with.
White Christmas- I need a white Christmas people!

Just a few of my favorites... What are yours?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Frogs Like the Tissue Paper

Random, right?  Prepare yourself for a whole post like that...

RANDOM: Sometimes I look at my life right now and think, "WHAT?  How did this happen?  It's so...AWESOME!"  I mean, yes, getting a divorce is less than awesome.  But I didn't realize how truly unhappy and even miserable I was until now.  I must be a fairly good actress since most people didn't really know anything was wrong(yes, I'll be happy to accept an oscar...well, a nomination at least).  I know I don't talk about the divorce much.  And I don't want to smear his name through the mud or anything unseemly like that.  But I've been unhappy for at least a year and a half.  I can't count the number of times I've cried in the last 2 years(but at least once a day is a safe estimate).  I suppose something like that should have tipped me off to the state of my happiness, or rather, unhappiness. 

RANDOM: I was talking to one of my younger theater friends a few months ago, during Sleepy Hollow rehearsals, and she was talking about the guy she was dating. She said something about how she would be happy to give up doing shows for him. You have to know her to understand what an amazing statement this was. She's a theater major.  I know she loves shows.  And she said to me that she never thought she'd find a something she'd rather have than theater(I'm paraphrasing, of course).  And I thought to myself, "That is exactly what I want."  The only reason I started doing theater again is because of the no kids thing.  I needed something to distract me from the life I couldn't have.  Don't get me wrong, I really like doing shows.  But I'd give it up in a second for the chance at that other life.   

RANDOM:  And you know what, I can count how many times I've cried since I left.  I cried that night.  I cried the night I went to the house to split the stuff up.  And I cried one other night about 2 1/2 weeks ago, but that was just because I was feeling so overwhelmed with all the things that seemed so out of my control.  Oh, and I cried on Sunday during sacrament meeting. That was entirely my mom's fault.  It was testimony meeting...need I say more?  (And I kind of teared up writing that paragraph about my adorable friend loving her man more than theater...I'm not counting it)

RANDOM:  Sometimes, when I can't go to sleep at night, I imagine I'm somewhere else.  Anywhere else.  I've been to Hogwarts, a Galaxy Far, Far Away, Narnia, Neverland, Middle Earth, Elizabethan England, Olympus, Disneyland(yes, I visit even more often than you thought) and many, many other places.  Sometimes, I just need to escape.  But you know what, I haven't had to do that for a few weeks now.  I think it's because I've got a pretty good happy place here in reality(you know it's good when Disneyland can't even compete)!

RANDOM:  Crocheting clears my mind.  It also makes my wrists hurt.  I haven't crocheted for a while.

RANDOM:  I don't sing in the shower.  Well, I rarely sing in the shower.  I sing just about everywhere else.  But not in the shower.  My brothers all sing in the shower.  I know because my bedroom shares a wall with said shower and I often get serenaded in the morning(the very early morning).  I will sing before I get in the shower, but rarely will I actually sing while I'm IN the shower.

RANDOM:  Sometimes I listen to Taylor Swift music.  It's one of my guilty pleasures.

RANDOM:  I really don't eat a lot of junk food.  I have bags of candy I got for my birthday that remain unopened.  I go through phases of having a bit of a sweet tooth.  But they rarely last longer than 2 weeks. 

RANDOM:  I really like cooking.  It's another one of those things that soothes me.  I do NOT like choosing what to cook!  Especially when I'm cooking for other people.  But I do like cooking for other people.  I also don't love the aftermath of cooking...which is why I try to clean as I go. 

RANDOM:  If I could go anywhere in the world it would be Paris.  I studied French in Jr High and College.  I even brushed up on it 3 years ago when a trip to Paris was cruelly dangled in front of me and then yanked away at the last minute(I'm not bitter).  I want to go to the museums.  I want to go to all the places I've read about in my history studies (Versailles, here I come).  I want to go to Disneyland Paris(judge all you want, I plan on going to every Disneyland park before I die).  I want to drive through the French Countryside.  I want to eat French food.  Of course, I'd also want to go to London.  But that's entirely doable from Paris.

RANDOM:  I'm not a sit-around-and-do-nothing vacationer.  When I go places, I GO places!  I want to see things and do things.  Don't take me to the beach and hand me a book and expect me to be happy for hours.  Not going to happen.  Plus, I have a very fair complexion and would turn into a lobster(and unhappy one at that) in short order.

RANDOM:  I love Apples to Apples.  Amy, do you remember how I video conferenced in for your birthday party and played Apples to Apples?  That was Josh's first exposure to me.  I'm surprised he lets you talk to me still.  Poor Josh.  I'm not sure he realized exactly what he was getting himself into.  Oh well.  You have a cute baby.

RANDOM:  I'd go back and do High School again.  Not Junior High.  But High School for sure.  It wasn't particularly emotionally scarring for me(although there are a few people and experiences I could've done without). 

RANDOM:  I want to go on a cruise.  But I'm terrified the boat might sink.  I mean it's a floating city, right?  Cities don't float!  I mean, where's Atlantis?  Oh on the bottom of the ocean.  And don't even get me started on the Titanic.  However, I'm willing to give it a go.  With the right person, of course.  What?  I'd need someone to hold my hand and tell me I wasn't going to die.  Also, I really want to swim with dolphins.  Have I mentioned that for like 5 years I wanted to be a Marine Biologist?  But I have a slightly irrational fear of the water...so that didn't work out so well.  Also, I like in Land-Locked Utah.

RANDOM:  I don't have a favorite color.  I do prefer Blues and Greens though.  And Pink and Purple. 

RANDOM:  I like being busy.  But I also like just sitting with friends and watching a movie.  Or staying up all night talking.  And I love inside jokes. 

RANDOM:  All growing up, when I'd picture "Prince Charming" (don't judge me, you all know you did it too...well at least the girls did).... he looked nothing like that certain someone I married.  I'm not sure I've ever said that out loud before. 

Did you survive all that?  I'm sorry.  But I had a little bit of Blog Vomit.  I think it's out of my system.  Besides, you were all getting tired of just reading my Gratitudes anyway.

Gratitude Day 44

I'm grateful for DSW. 

If you've never been, you're missing out!  They have awesome clearance deals on designer shoes.  I bought two pairs of AWESOME Steve Madden flats there the other day.  A pair of patent leather blue ones (they're blue, not purple...that's a story for another time) and a pair of black lacey looking ones.  And I had $10 off, so that made the EVEN MORE AFFORDABLE!  Love it!  And now I can be nice and comfortable and stylish when I start subbing right after the Christmas break!

Seriously, go to DSW!

Gratitude Day 43

Yesterday (Tuesday) I found out that I get to move into my new apartment the end of December/beginning of January (depending on when I can get my brute strength organized)!  I'm so excited!

Thus, I'm grateful for my new apartment, my new roommates and the girl who is moving out efficiently, allowing me to move in!

Pet Peeve

I hate when people are late. I hate when things are running behind schedule. Do not tell me we're eating at 6:00 and not start dinner until 6:45. It's just not ok. When you tell me to be somewhere at 3:00, I will be there by 2:50. I won't expect you to be ready for me until 3:00, but I will be there early.

What spawned this rant, you ask? I'm sitting in the Performing Arts Building waiting to play for a student's jury. They are running more than 30 minutes behind. It is NOT ok! If you have 5 minute slots, keep them to 5 minutes!!!

Deep, cleansing breaths.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 42

I am so grateful for my job at the University of Utah.  It really is a dream job for me.  I get to play the piano!  And they pay me for it!  Seriously, it does not get any better than that.  As I look forward to being single, I have carefully considered what I want to do with my life.  I really want to do everything humanly possible to keep my job at the University of Utah and to keep playing the piano for Cecily and to keep subbing.  I love all these things so much and they are such a perfect fit for me.  I'm budgeting so very carefully and praying that's how it will work out.  I guess we'll see.

Gratitude Day 41

I'm grateful today for Hot Chocolate, Sticky Popcorn and favorite movie from the past (While You Were Sleeping)!

It's the simple things in life, really.

Gratitude Day 40

Saturday was an AWESOME day!  I had an audition for The Importance of Being Earnest.  I can't tell you how much I've wanted to be in this show!  I love it sooo much!  Plus, I get to pretend to be British!  I mean, that's living the dream(okay, the actual dream is to date someone with a hot british accent...but a close second is me being British).  The audition went quite well.  Call backs are on Tuesday, so we'll see how that goes.  I would love love LOVE to be in this show! (SIDE NOTE:  I did not make Drowsy Chaperone.  But I'm totally over that.  I would MUCH rather do this play.)

After my super awesome audition, I went and took pictures for one of my friends from back in the good old days.  We went to the Utah State Botanical Center in Kaysville.  It's one of my new favorite places for pictures.  I'll definitely be headed there again soon.

Then I did some quick Christmas shopping(quick because I was on a schedule) and managed to pretty much finish up everything.  WOOHOO! 

Next on the schedule was meeting with some gals about the possibility of moving into their town home(I found them through ksl.com).  It turned out to be a match made in heaven.  The girls are super cute and we seemed to fit pretty well.  I'm really excited!  I have a place to live!  My life doesn't feel quite so much like it's in limbo!  I love when things fall into place!  I find out Monday if I can move in the end of December or the end of January.  I'm really fine either way(but everyone keep your fingers crossed for the end of December because I'm TOO EXCITED TO WAIT!). 

I spent the afternoon taking care of some housekeeping and such.  Then I had BHS Christmas Dance photoshoots.  And topped it off with a lovely evening with friends. 

I'm grateful for ABSOLUTELY PERFECT SATURDAYS.  Cuz that's what this one was!(Seriously there are very few things that coule have made it better...very few...but there's always room for improvement, I suppose)

Gratitude Day 39

I woke up Friday and shockingly, my knees were not blue and purple(not gonna lie, I'm a little disappointed because now people will think I was just a big old whiner about the pain).  Also, they weren't all that sore and stiff.  I could walk up and down stairs like a normal person(I still winced internally a little, but I didn't have to wimper with every step I took and I didn't look particularly gimpy). 

I'm grateful that I didn't do permanent damage to myself.

Gratitude Day 38

I woke up this morning and got all dolled up to go play at the University of Utah.   It was the final recital for the class I play for.  I looked pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.  And I opted for my black 3" heels. 

I was running right on schedule as I started walking up the street to my car.  And then it happened.  Actually, I'm not entirely sure what happened.  Suddenly I wasn't so much upright, but sprawled on all fours.  My best guess is that my heel caught on a crack or something and I lost balance and shot forward.

My knees got the worst of it.  My right one got scraped up pretty badly and for a moment, I thought I might have shattered my left knee cap.  I can't remember the last time I was in such excruciating physical pain.  I didn't really have time to run back in and clean up.  So I got up, brushed myself off and kept going.  I was able to sort of clean up my bleeding knee.  Somehow, the pantyhose survived completely intact.  But my left leg was throbbing from the knee down. 

Fortunately, I found a parking spot that was relatively close to the Performing Arts Building.  That way I didn't have hobble too far.  Stairs were not my friend and sent shooting pains up and down my leg.  I was lucky that I got to sit behind the piano so pretty much no one knew of my injuries. 

I survived the University and went home to make another batch of caramels.  I took Ibuprofen first.  Still, standing and stirring caramels for over an hour wasn't great therapy for my legs.  After that, I debated going to the gym to lift, which was my original plan.  After a few trips up and down the stairs at the house and a few very painful mishaps involving my knee, I opted for a nap.  It was a GOOOOD nap.  Mmhmm......

Oh, right...after my nap, I showered, which felt very nice.  And then settled down to watch a movie and ice my knee.  It's doing much better.  My left knee had gotten very swollen, thus impeding my movement and causing the aforementioned pain.  Ibuprofen and icing it did wonders.  I'm a much happier girl now. 

Here's a picture I took at the University.  It really doesn't do it justice.  And I'm certain I'll want to take another tomorrow when they both turn very pretty colors.  I did a little damage to the palms of my hands as well(something had to stop me from scarring my pretty face).  Aside from being a little tender, they're okay. 

So today, I'm grateful that there were no witnesses to this epic display of grace.  It would've been really embarrassing.

Gratitude Day 37

I'm grateful for my Great Aunt Joyce's caramel recipe. I don't make them quite as well as she does, but I'm getting closer every year. And they oh so tasty!

And now you all wish you were eating them too...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 36

Today, I'm grateful for all those people who listen to me whine about my not-really-as-bad-as-I-think life. I have some awesome friends who know what to say to me and how to kindly kick my butt and give me perspective. I'm super lucky!

Thanks to my friends for tolerating my insanity.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 35

Last night I had call backs for Drowsy Chaperone. It's been a while since I've done a call back with singing and dancing. It was rough. I came home feeling really frustrated. Frustrated with myself for not doing better. And I spent most of the rest of the evening really sad(truth be told, I spent most of today sad too).

I was really struggling to find something to be grateful for. Soooo...here it is:

I'm grateful I was called back at all. I don't know how casting will go, they won't cast until Saturday. But at least I was called back.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 34

Sunday was an interesting day. I woke up and was just preparing myself to get out of bed and get ready for church, when my dad came down and told me church was cancelled so we could all help with clean up from Thursday's storm.

It was a very unique experience and I'm grateful I got to be part of it. It was amazing to see everyone come together to clean up yards, load up tree pieces and drive out to the city dump. The city opened it Sunday just so the clean up could get taken care of. The line to the dump was crazy! I couldn't believe how many trees were downed in the storm!

It was so surreal. I'd never been part of a "disaster" clean up before. How amazing it was to see a community pull together!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 33

On Saturday, I was grateful for Saturdays.

I just really needed a great weekend.(It was, by the way...one of the best in a loooong time)

I auditioned for Drowsy Chaperone. I Searched in vain for a Christmas present. I went with friends to see Christmas Carol at Centerpoint (also grateful for free tickets). And had a tasty dinner with said friends and an evening of fun, games and general merriment.

It was a perfect Saturday, and I'm so grateful!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 32

I'm grateful for email.  Sometimes I  just don't want to call people on the phone.  Sometimes it's just easier to send an email.  Plus, when you get email that isn't junk,  it makes you really excited!  Almost as excited as when I get ACTUAL mail that isn't junk.

Gratitude Day 31

Remember when I said I was going to keep being grateful until approximately the end of January? No?  Read about it HERE.

We had a really awful wind storm yesterday.  Fortunately, the house and everyone in it came out relatively unscathed.  However, I had to go to the University of Utah to play the piano.  It was already quite cold and the wind made it colder...and very treacherous. 

So...I am very grateful for my wool peacoat.  I love it so much for so many reasons.  But it especially protected me from the elements yesterday.  And I'm grateful for blankets and sweats and muppet socks.  Our power didn't come back on until midnight.  That  meant a lot of bundling.  We weren't sure when it was coming back on, so we had to be prepared for Human Popsicle scenario.

So grateful for the people who worked so hard to restore power!  So grateful for the heat that I usually enjoy!  So grateful the giant pine tree in our yard didn't fall!

Gratitude Day 30

Today I am really grateful for my Patriarchal Blessing.  Maybe it's the trying time I'm going through right now.  Maybe it's because I stumbled on the journal that had my patriarchal blessing tucked in it. (Maybe it's both)  But I take great comfort in knowing that the Lord has a plan for me and that if I am obedient and righteous, there are blessings far beyong my imagination just waiting for me. 

Gratitude Day 29

Today, I'm grateful for Bones.  I really enjoy watching this show.  Because of my crazy schedule, and the fact that I don't really watch TV at all anymore, I watch online.  I'm getting all caught up.  I'm really excited to see how everything plays out this season.  It makes me feel smart and dumb at the same time. 

Gratitude Day 28

I'm grateful for a washer and dryer.  I can't even imagine having to wash my clothes by hand.  Also, I'm grateful for irons(although, I'm more grateful for wrinkle-free fabrics...but alas that is NOT what several of my recent purchases have been).  I was able to run my laundry in a matter of a couple hours...instead of a day or two!  Can you imagine NOT having a washer and dryer?! *shudder*

Gratitude Day 27

Yesterday, I went to a baby blessing.  It was my friend Cecily's baby.  He's super cute.  Seriously.  But what I wanted to talk about is how grateful I am that I met Cecily and that we're friends!  My life seriously would not be the same without her in it!  She's the reason I do shows again.  She's the reason I play at the University of Utah.  Basically, she's the driving force behind a lot of things that are super awesome in my life!  I love her to pieces and it makes me feel warm inside that I got to be part of such a special day for her family!

I'm honestly grateful every single day for Cecily! 

Gratitude Day 26

I'm grateful it's not after Thanksgiving so I can break out the Christmas music.  I love having it on in the car.  I love to play it on the piano.  I don't love it 24/7 at this stage of the holiday.  But it does make me feel more festive and get me ready for the season. 

Gratitude Day 25

Day 25 was Black Friday...

I'm grateful for online shopping.  Enough said.

Gratitude Day 24

On this Thanksgiving Day, I'm grateful for my Family!

I have an AMAZING family! My Mom, dad and 3 brothers shifted their lives fairly dramatically to accommodate me. I mean I'd barely squeaked out the words, "Can I live here?" before my mom was figuring out where everyone would sleep that night. And the next morning they were up rearranging the entire house to make a space for me(and as much if my stuff as I could carry). And I know it hasn't been easy on any of them(as much as I like to think I'm a joy 100% of the time) to have their 29 year old (they thought I was independent and headstrong when I was 20...) daughter/sister living with them 24/7. But they've been exceptional. The boys don't even make me empty the dishwasher and my mother regularly reassures me that Santa will be able to find me.

My extended family is also AMAZING! Most people didn't know about the ongoing situation. The divorce came as quite a shock to pretty much everyone. In my struggles with my decision, I was concerned that people would judge me for not being able to make my marriage work. My Type A/RED personality doesn't allow Failure and I pretty much felt like a giant FAILURE! But I received encouragement, hugs and more love than I thought it was possible to receive(I also was the happy recipient of a tasty chocolate cheesecake)! I don't know what I did to get to part of such an awesome family, but I'm definitely grateful!

And then there's my "Extended" Family! I've been blessed with the greatest friends on the planet! Many of them, I've known since childhood. Some of them I met in my "wayward" teenage years. And even as I've continued on into adulthood, I've maintained these precious relationships and been blessed with other super awesome people to add to my "family". I'm so grateful for the kind words, the prayers and the hugs(yes, even the hugs...sometimes a girl needs them...even if she has an unexplainable aversion to them)!

My life would absolutely be empty and lackluster without all of my AMAZING(generous, loving, selfless, supportive...insert really awesome adjective here) FAMILY!!! I am so grateful!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 23

I'm so grateful for the temple. I'm especially grateful that it is so close by! Living out of state and having at least a 2 hour drive to the temple, really makes you appreciate what we can so easily take for granted along the wasatch front.

Going to the temple clears my mind, eases my heavy heart and gives me the strength to do a little more. I love it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 22

This might sound really vain...you've been warned!

I'm grateful for my hair! No. It's true. I haven't always been, that's for sure. Years of sleeping in curlers and having your mom scalp you every morning(well, it felt that way to my 6 year old head) only to get to puberty and have your whole dead go poodle on you, makes you resent your hair a little.

After it started curling like crazy on it's own, I was grateful for styling products. Aussie Scrunch Spray gel was one of my go-tos, as well as Herbal Essence Spray Gel(which actually what I still use to this day, although it's been reformulated a number of times). It is sometimes difficult to find the right product for my hair. I've tried some of the more expensive ones, and they do a great job...but I have so much hair, it's really not economical in any way.

The inventor of the straight iron deserves a national holiday. Having curly hair as a teen was miserable for me. So few people had curly hair, particularly as curly as mine. Straight was always in. I remember my first flat iron. My friend, Jodi, gave it to me for Christmas. As weird as this will sound... Life Changing Gift!

The one I have today is a power little devil and can tame my hair without breaking a sweat! That, in conjunction with a hair routine I have carefully honed over the years, enables me to have soft, silky, run my fingers through hair.(seriously have you ever tried to "run your fingers" through curly gel-encrusted hair?)

Not that I don't love my curly hair. We've been around the block a few times and I no longer resent it. Actually, it's great now that I know how to tame it. First, I make sure I get a hair cut from someone who knows curly hair. It makes a big difference. Right now, I go to my cousin Alexa at Garden Day Spa. She has curly hair. She totally gets it. I hope she cuts hair forever(it's also nice because it's never awkward hair chair chit chat). I don't do my hair curly everyday for several reasons. I have a tendency to get product build up. I can't go as long between washes when it's curly(due to product and the frizzier, less tamed nature). And washing everyday is not something my hair loves. It's much healthier and happier if it gets a few days break.

But I do like the variety that my hair offers. It's like my 2 personalities. I'll let you guess what those might be. I bet you start paying closer attention to my hair and the way I act.

We've had our share if tangles(ha ha I'm so funny), but I'm grateful for my hair!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 21

I'm grateful for my iPhone's iPod shuffling capabilities. No I don't want to listen to songs in order. Not only that, but I want it to read my mood and choose appropriate artists and songs.

I tell you, I should probably be creeped out a little, but tonight it was spot on. John Mayer, Billy Joel and of course some Barenaked Ladies! Epic shuffling, I tell you what!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 20

Today I am so grateful for inspired church leaders.  The talks in church today were specially chosen for me, I have no doubt.  Listening to others speak about Tender Mercies and Gratitude lifted my heart and made me that much more grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows our needs, especially when we might think we need something else, and attends to each us in a very personal way.

I never would have thought or imagined that I would have gone through so much by the age of 29.  But I am so absolutely grateful that I have.  I don't regret my decisions.  At the time, they were the ones I needed to make.  I needed these experiences to make me into the person I am today.  I needed to go through these trials and learn these lessons so that I could be better prepared for... I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I know it will be amazing. 

I've already seen so many blessings pouring out in the last few weeks, and I know more await.  I know that as I continue to be faithful and find joy in the journey, that I will continue to be blessed in ways I can not possibly imagine.  I know this, because I've already seen it in my life.  I know that when I put my faith and trust in the Lord and His plan for me, that everything just takes care of itself.  When I try to fight against the path I need to take, things are much more difficult.  I usually end up where I need to be, but it takes much longer and the process is much more agonizing. 

Someone in church today made a comment that struck me.  They said something about happy people are thankful people.  You'll never see someone who is happy, who is not also full of gratitude.  So, I decided...Even after November is over, I'm going to keep up my daily gratitudes on the Blog.  Not forever, I'm sure you'll all grow tired of that.  But until the Divorce is finalized(so approximately the end of January).  Because I have so much for which to be thankful.  And I know that this trial isn't at it's end yet, and I need to be happy.  And Happy people are Grateful people!

Gratitude Day 19

I'm grateful for pants that fit!  I finally managed to find some today!  I've been on the search for just the right ones(at just the right price, because let's be honest, I'm cheap).  And today my mom and I were at Layton Hills Mall and hit the Pants-That-Fit-Wendi Jackpot!  New York and Company had a pair of kind of dressy pants that are super cute and fit(though I won't tell you the size because there would rioting)!  And then Charlotte Russe came through in the Jeans department!  I got two pair there(thanks mommy!) because one of them was only $7.50 and the other was $15!  Hooray!  I won't have to continue to live in shame as my pants slowly fall down around my ankles(some of you may be disappointed...you'll survive).

Now I just need a reason/place to wear them!(and my cute new shirts from H&M...but that's another post altogether)

Gratitude Day 18

I'm grateful for winter and snow.  I don't love driving in it.  It sure is awfully cold.  And quite frankly, I'd be pretty content if after January, it just stayed up in the mountains.  But it is pretty after a fresh snow.  And it does mean I'll get to ski soon(or rather spend hours tumbling down the hills).  And I love winter clothes!  I love sweaters and boots(not the sensible snow kind, but still)!  And I love Hot Chocolate(I definitely have not had enough of that this year)! 

So while I might not adore the snow.  I am grateful for it and the changes it brings!

Gratitude Day 17

I'm grateful for food. Yes. I eat. I'm not anorexic. Yes. I have recently experienced a little weight loss. You go through my recent stress and see if your body doesn't change a little. This just happens to be how my body responds to stress. Fine. Sometimes I don't eat as much or as often as I should. Once again, when I'm stressed, I just don't have much of an appetite. But I do like to eat. And I'm not some kind of health freak. Granted, I don't have as much of a sweet tooth as others, but we all have our weaknesses. One of mine just came back for the holidays...White Chocolate Covered Oreos.

I could eat boxes and boxes of these.

I do have fairly decent self control.  And I have been exercising lately(as in yesterday and then I'm trying a Zumba class today). And yes. I would like to stay thin. Not THIS thin, but thin.

I'm particularly excited about tonight's dinner.  My mom is making Cafe Rio Pork.  Really tasty!  I'll only eat one.  But not because I'm watching my weight.  Because the tacos are really big and that's all I can eat without wanting to vomit. I'm pretty sure that dish would be very unpleasant in reverse.

So yes. Today I am grateful for food. I'm excited for the holiday season because it means some of my favorite treats. And I will eat quantities of them. Look for me after New Years and things have calmed down. If I'm still too thin by February, you can all start planning the Intervention.



Gratitude Day 16

I am so grateful for Adobe Lightroom. Sometimes as a photographer (or just in everyday life), I make stupid little mistakes. Fortunately, Lightroom makes it easy to fix these(for photography...not everyday mistakes). It's super easy to use and takes care of a lot of things!

Love it!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 15

Today I am really grateful for classical music.  It was a rough day.  But I played a little Debussy and some Puccini and everything just lined up in my brain and it was so elegantly simple(yes.  Debussy...elegantly simple...I promise). 

It just helped clear my mind and made me relax.  I love it!

Gratitude Day 14

For Day 14, I'm grateful for the opportunity I have to be the lucky "Oldest Child" in my family.  It's a heavy burden, but someone must carry it.  I love when my younger siblings come to me for advice (I usually explain that I make mistakes so that THEY don't have to, I'm just generous that way), or for help with a project.  It's a lot of pressure knowing how much they look up to me and watch me closely to see what choices I'm making.  Not going to lie, it's a little stressful sometimes.  I like taking care of them when they are sick or sad or struggling with something.  I love to see each of them grow as they go through particular challenges in their lives. 

Of course, I love torturing them endlessly when they do goofy things!  (It's all good, they do it right back)  I was worried when I decided to go ahead with the divorce that somehow I would lose respect or something, but not at all.  I'm so grateful that they all understand the difficult choice I had and more than that, they understand why it was so important that I make it. 

I love being the oldest!  And I think I do it pretty well.  I guess I was just born bossy. :)

Gratitude Day 13

As I sit here thinking through all the things that I'm grateful for, that really wouldn't make a good post...I get the feeling this is just going to be a random blog post.  Good luck with that...

Random Gratitudes....(in no particular order...just as they pop into my head)

Jamba Juice....Not really sure why...except that I love them...and it sounds really good right now.
Blankets...basements tend to be kind of chilly in the winter....but I don't mind because I LOVE blankets
Sweatpants...because some days are just comfy days
Full Episodes Online...due to the show, I've been having to keep up with shows online...it makes me happy
Music...I'm always grateful for this, but particularly when I'm agitated and something is bothering me, I can always count on music to help me feel better.
My iPhone...honestly, I have a love/hate relationship with that thing...but I love having a phone to call and text my favorite people with
Cute Glasses....because I have awful vision and sometimes I don't want to wear contacts!
My Pink Sony VAIO...Seriously love it!
Chocolate...I can tell it's going to be one of those weeks...bring it on
Soup...when it's cold outside, you can heat up your insides
Allergy Pills....now if I only remembered to take them when I know I'm going to need them
Movie Nights...for when you and your friends don't want to do anything
My Car...I like to go places...in High School I didn't have one...living with my parents again makes me realize how grateful I am to have my own car(which is not to say that I don't like living with my parents or that I use it to escape...it just means that last time around when I lived here, I didn't have my own car and unlimited acess and often had to share and always had to ask permission...not so much now)
Michael Buble....do I really need to elaborate?
Playing the Piano....it's cheaper and less painful than therapy
Lily's Eyes from The Secret Garden....seriously guys, sing this and girls will melt for you.  That's a guarantee
My Camera...ooh!  I should edit some pictures!
Sunday Afternoon Naps....though I probably should've made it a little shorter and just gone to bed earlier so I wasn't up all hyper and productive at 11:00 at night....
Normal Sleeping Schedule...I'd like mine back please
Deodorant....trust me...work at a Junior High and you'll be grateful too...also for parents who teach their kids to use it

And quite frankly, the thing I'm most often grateful for is a Fresh Start.  I'm ready for my next great adventure, whatever it might be.  I know it's going to be amazing and help sculpt me into an even more Super Awesome person!

Gratitude Day 12

So the new H&M store at Fashion Place Mall opened up last Friday.  I had to teach.  So Angie and I made plans to go out Saturday to do some shopping(so grateful I had the foresight to ask for gift cards for my birthday).

We got out there and the mall was PACKED!  Seriously I've done Disneyland with fewer people.  There was a LINE to get INTO the store.  I estimate it was about 2 hours long.  Yup.  Not going to happen. 

So on Day 12, I'm grateful my mom raised me to use my brain.  H&M, I'll be back!

Gratitude Day 11

I know that on Veterans Day, I should post about how grateful I am for all the men and women who have served our country.  I am definitely grateful for the sacrifices made.  But I'd already kind of formulated my post for this day...

November 11th, this last Friday, was closing night for Sleepy Hollow.  So I decided that for Day 11, it should be my post.  (I'm a little behind because it's been such a crazy weekend)  Being in Sleepy Hollow wasn't really easy for me.  As many of you know, I played Daemon, or the Headless Horseman's Horse.  In the show, part of the legend involves Deitrich and Sabine, two of the townspeople.  They ran off to get marriend and were turned into the Headless Horseman and his Horse, Daemon, by a witch from their village.  But yep, I played a horse.  The costume was really cool(though really difficult to dance in) and in the end, when the curse is lifted, I transform back into a human.  Just a little back story.

For this role, I was onstage for a grand total of 3 minutes.  I put a lot of work into this role.  The dancing wasn't hard...except I had a big leather horse head strapped on.  And it was an amazing opportunity to work with Jim Christian(who incidentally wrote the musical and directed).  I feel very fortunate.  I did my share(okay maybe more than my share) of whining because it was more than a little difficult to be in a show for only 3 minutes.

But I am absolutely grateful for this show for so many reasons.  First, I haven't done a show in about 3 1/2 years.  It was great to get back into the theater circle.  I know that "theater people" can be a lot to handle, but, well, I'm a theater person.  What can I say?  I actually love it.  I'm not a super social person, but I loved hanging out with my cast every night!  We enjoyed one another's company so much that we often hung out after the show as well. (I'm old and can not stay up as late as I used to...at least not without serious repercussions)  Second, it gave me something to do.  The divorce was initiated just a couple days after we opened the show.  I can't tell you how great it was to have the show as a distraction.  It was something I could always look forward to.  I knew what I was doing in the evenings and didn't have to worry about being lonely.  Which leads me to number Three.... I made some great friends doing this show!  As I find myself gearing up for the single life once again, I wondered where I was going to meet people and make new friends.  And the theater is an easy answer.  I already had something in common with these people.  Now don't get me wrong, I didn't get along with everyone there.  But there are definitely some friends I made that I plan to keep in touch with.  They were a great strength to me during the last few rough weeks.  I'm not much of a hugger(yes, I know, I have issues...it's something I'm working on), but even I need/want them sometimes.  And I never had to look far at the theater.  There was always someone ready to put their arm around me and ask how things were going or tell me how great they thought I was.  It really lifted my spirits and I'm forever grateful for all the love and kindness that I was shown by these awesome people. 

Now that it's over, I'm not really sure what to do with myself.  I have about 3 weeks before my next audition.  (I'll keep you posted, not to worry)  I'm trying to keep myself busy.  And while I don't love huge groups of people, I do like to be with people and be social. (someone plan a party before I go crazy)  Good thing I have my friends from before the show and my friends from the show to keep me entertained! (Right guys?  Right?!)

Seriously I'm so grateful for Sleepy Hollow!

Gratitude Day 10

The day isn't quite over yet. But I foresee being very grateful for Tylenol by the end. On my way over to the theater, I recognized the early pangs of a headache.

Now I'm lying on the couch in the green room, anticipating my 3 minutes of glory, with a throbbing headache. I'm none too happy about it. And I'm without drugs. It's going to be a long night.

And tomorrow I sub Jr High Band. Yes I think today I will be very grateful for Tylenol!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 9

I realized that days 7 and 8 were very similar. Forgive me. Apparently sleep related things are incredibly important to me. That and I've been a little loopy as of late.

Today I am striving for a little more variety. Also, this is one I should have done a long time ago.

I am oh so, indescribably grateful for my mother. I've moved back home. Turned life there upside down and really don't even know how to express my thanks for everything. She's been so patient as I continually bring more things to the house(even though there isn't room). She hasn't mentioned how the late hours I've been keeping(thank you Sleepy Hollow), have undoubtedly disrupted her sleep cycles. She fixes me tasty meals and tries to keep me healthy(let us not mention recent weight loss, ok). She's packed and carried boxes. She's rearranged her house and her life.

And she doesn't complain. That's pretty much unconditional love in action right there.

I don't have the words to express how truly grateful I am. Thank you mom! You're the best!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 8

Today I am grateful for sleep.  Sometimes you don't realize how important something is until you don't get it.  And I've been not getting a lot of sleep recently.  Yes.  That's mostly my own fault.  And after this weekend, it probably won't be as much of an issue because the show will be over. 

But today I am grateful for sleep.  I took a bit of a nap this afternoon and that's helped me feel so much better.  And I'm looking forward to a good night's rest tonight!  Here's to a much more engergized Wendi tomorrow!

Gratitude Day 7

I know I'm falling a little behind.  Yesterday(Monday) was a really busy day.

Yesterday I was really grateful for nap time.  Not my nap time, mind you.  I watch two little kiddies(almost 2 year old boy and a 2 month old girl) for my friend Lacee, while she works a few days a month.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I was not feeling top notch.  I think kids have a sense about these things too.  Wilson was being more difficult than usual.  By the time nap time rolled around, I was definitely ready.  Fortunately they were too.  Wilson actually slept for quite some time. and Gretchen, well she didn't sleep quite as well, but she's a pretty good baby and sat in the swing.  I didn't nap(though I definitely could have used one), but I did kind of kick back and relax for a bit. 

So definitely grateful for nap time!

Gratitude Day 6

I am so grateful for music in my life! My life would be hollow and empty without it. When I'm singing, playing or listening to music, I feel alive; I feel whole.

And music expresses things do much better than I can. Here's one of my favorite pieces. I can't sing it right now without getting choked up, but I love it!!!

How Many Tears?
From Martin Guerre (musical)

Oh Lord, I'm not the one to blame.
Oh Lord, why must I live in shame?
Each night I light a candle in his name.

How many tears through the years must I cry?
How many prayers to the Lord must I try?
Still the pain tears at my broken heart.
Sometimes I feel I was cursed from the start.

All I could hold, all I could see,
So full of promise, each day reaching out before me.
Once... Now there's nothing,
Lost as if you never saw me.

How many tears through the years can I cry?
How many tears until my heart runs dry, through the fights that a girl needs to fight
Only to do what she feels must be right.

Sometimes I wonder if someone hears.
Why must I live through so many tears?


Amazing, right?! And the melody is beautiful!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 5

I'm not going to lie, this post is going to sound a little odd.  Just preare yourself now.

Yesterday(Saturday, the official 5th Day of Gratitude), I decided to be grateful that I'm not in charge.  I'm grateful that I don't always have control over what happens in life.  I'm grateful for the unknown.  I'm grateful that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and does what is necessary to help me find what I need. 

I can say with a great deal of confidence that if everything went the way I had planned, my life would pretty much be a disaster.  Some of you might think, "Wait, it's not a disaster"?  No.  Not even a little.  Sure, when I'm in the middle of trying to get things straightened out and take care of all the little details, it does feel awfully crazy.  BUT, when I step back and look at my life, right this minute, it's actually really, really great. 

I have everything I could possibly think of needing and somethings I would never have thought of needing, but desperately do.  I am honestly so grateful for a Heaven Father who blesses me endlessly and takes care of all the little details and throws in a few surprises too.  My life is infintely easier when I just place my faith and trust in Him and let Him take care of things.  When I try to get in the way and steer the boat the way I want to, well, things get awfully rocky. 

So on the 5th day of gratitude (and every day, really) I am eternally grateful for those things I didn't see coming.

Gratitude Day 4

While I'm grateful for ALL my wonderful family, on Friday(which was the 4th day....I've been really busy), I felt extra special love and gratitude for some extra awesome family members.

The divorce has meant a lot of change.  I've spent the last couple weeks working on the details of the divorce, as well as putting things together for my new life as a single woman.  It's been a lot of hard work; a lot of tears; a lot of heartache.  I've been under a lot of stress, but it's nothing to the chest-crushing, suffocating stress I've been experiencing for the last two years.  There were a lot of things I'm still trying to work out, but I have some awesome family that would bend over backwards, upside down, side ways and generally become contortionists to help me out.

Friday afternoon, my family and I packed up my allocation of personal property from the house.  Until a week prior, I was planning to just rent a storage unit.  It was another expense I wasn't thrilled about having to add to my monthly spending, but was necessary...or so I thought.  Then, my super-hero uncle, Anthony(seriously Karalynn, thank you so much for marrying someone so awesome), said they had storage in their basement and they would move things around so they could put my stuff there.  I was astonished and absolutely overwhelmed by the generosity(I've trained myself not to cry in public so I was completely embarrassed).  I said I had some bigger furniture pieces along with boxes of stuff.  He told me not to worry; that it was a done deal.  Seriously he wasn't going to take no for an answer(from me or the stuff he would have to rearrange to make room). 

They came with their truck Friday afternoon.  And within a few hours, we were all packed up and done with that part of the awfulness. 

This was such a tiny thing on the long list I have of stuff I have to do to move on with life, but it was such a burden they relieved.  Karalynn even told me that I was welcome to come stay with them if I ever get uncomfortable at the Home Ward(and yes, that is a little weird).  So many people have made similar offers, and every time it happens, my spirit soars and I think of how blessed I am to have such amazingly generous people in my life!

Gratitude Day 3

Today I am grateful for the weather we had.  Seriously the day was so beautiful!  The sky was really blue.  The temperature wasn't that cold(I'm trying not to think about what might be coming this weekend).  And the leaves on the trees were colorful and vibrant.  Driving up to the University of Utah, I was in awe of the beauty around me, which made me less irritated at the stupid drivers who were also around me.

I love Autumn and not just because my birthday is in October.  I love when the leaves change.  I love the cooler(but not cold) temperatures. 

And today, I just really needed beautiful, cheery weather!  I'm so grateful I got my wish!

Gratitude Day 2

You know what this blog needs?  Pictures!

For Day 2, I'm grateful for these two...

Emma Mouse and Taylorella

I can't imagine loving anything more than I love these two little cuties!  I feel so blessed to be their favorite Aunt!  Any day, no matter how dark, immediately brightens when either of these girls come to visit!  How empty my life would be without these two!

Gratitude Day 1

I know it's already November 2nd, but I wanted to do this little Daily Gratitude thing on my blog.  I just didn't have the time yesterday.  So I'll post yesterday's and today's by the end of the evening. 

Day 1
I have so very many things to be grateful for, which makes it difficult for me to pick one.  But I had do and I think I picked a great one for the first day.

I am grateful today, and every day of my life, for the Gospel and my testimony!  It is such a pillar in my life.  I've seen, first hand, what has happened to people who knock that pillar down:  Their lives crumble.  I know that without the Gospel in my life, I would not have made it thru the last few years in tact.  I'm so grateful that my testimony has been strong enough to help me endure the trials I have faced.

I think I chose the right Gratitude for the first day.

The Type of Hugs I Like

Those of you who know me really well, know that I'm not a very physically affectionate(touchy-feely) person.  I accept tokens such as hugs when they are given, but I'm not typically a Hug Initiator.  I do hug family and close friends, when it's appropriate, which is probably still less often than is typical. 

The last week or so, I've been so touched by the outpouring of love and support from all my friends and family.  It's not that I expected any less.  I know how truly blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life.  But I can honestly say I feel like I've been walking around in a giant warm fuzzy hug at all times.  In the moments when I need them most, I can feel thoughts and prayers racing my way, buoying me up. 

Thank you all so much for your love, concern, support and prayers!  They are much need and MUCH appreciated!  I seriously couldn't go through life without each and every one of you awesome people!  I am so grateful and can not possibly express all that your friendship means to me!

I'm still plugging along.  Things are getting sorted out and are progressing.  I'm very grateful for Sleepy Hollow right now.  It's interesting that when I first auditioned I wasn't emotionally invested in getting a part.  I had a giant conflict and even assumed I wouldn't make the show.  But it's been a great blessing as it's kept me busy and allowed me to add to the list of super awesome people in my life!  And I have missed performing more than I realized(eventhough this particular part is short on stage time). 

I'm looking forward to all the new adventures that await me in the coming months and years.  With friends like all of you, I know I can make it through ANYTHING!

When Life Gives You Lemons

I've found that most often you can't even begin to guess how things will go.  If you'd told me two years ago that I would be living with my parents at the age of 29, trying to figure out what my life will be now and that my marriage would end in divorce...well, I probably would've punched you in the face and called you a liar.  But then, when things in my life started changing almost two years ago, I had a hard time convincing myself that what was happening was real, and I was living it.

I'm pretty sure this comes a shock to most of you, as it's something that's been played pretty close to the vest.  So let me explain, briefly(the journey was a long and difficult one, trust me)...

Nearly 2 years ago just after the new year 2010, my husband, Gale informed me that he no longer believed in God.  Can you say bombshell?  We'd both been raised members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and had been careful in our choice of spouses so that we could marry in the Temple and have an eternal family. (For more information about the LDS Church, click HERE)  This sudden and dramatic change threw me for a loop.  I tried what I could to help him regain a testimony and come to know God better.  My dad even flew to Midland, TX(where we were living at the time) to talk to both of us and try to help.  Priesthood leaders and others offered counsel.  I confided in a few very close friends and family, seeking advice and support.  Fortunately I have AMAZING friends and family and I constantly had all the support I could ever need!  We moved back to Utah July of 2010.  I hoped that being back in Utah, close to family and friends, that Gale would be able to rediscover his testimony and relationship with God. 

At times, I believed that things were improving, that he was coming back to the path we had chosen in 2003 when we married.  We bought a house and started making plans to fill it with children.  Looking back, I think I was in denial.  Don't get me wrong, hope and faith are great things, and I did what I could to encourage where I could.  But it came down to the fact that he truly didn't want to come back to the Church.  He spent time listening to podcasts and in online communities working really hard to be an atheist. 

All the while, I have a strong testimony, but I could feel it being nibbled at.  As I said, things continued to deteriorate(in my mind), eventhough I was deserately clingly to everything I had worked for 8 years to build. 

Ulitmately, I realized that I had to take care of my testimony, my eternal salvation and myself.  So last Wednesday, Gale and I talked and we decided divorce was the path that we needed to take.  That makes it sound so easy and logical, and efficient.  It wasn't really any of those.  I struggled for a long time trying to figure out what to do.  If he didn't want to raise our children in the church, could I still risk having a family with him?  If I wasn't going to have a family, what was I going to do with myself for what could be another 50-60 years?  Could I be happy?  How much was I risking to stay with him?  Obviously a great deal of prayer and pleading with Heavenly Father went into this.

It's been a difficult week, but I'm settling in with my parents(for now) and starting to figure out where I'll be going from here.  Honestly, I already feel like a huge burden has been lifted and I'm SO grateful for the outpouring of love and support I've had from everyone.  I really am so blessed to be surrounded by so many awesome people who love me so unconditionally!

I've been staying busy with Subbing, playing at the University of Utah and doing my show, Sleepy Hollow!  I'm really anxious about what the next chapter in my life will bring, but I know that whatever is in store for me, I can handle it, with Heavenly Father's help. 

Things change.  Life doesn't go the way you plan.  But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.