Things No One Tells You About Being an Adult

Mostly, it sucks.  And maybe someone mentioned that to me once, but either A) I didn't believe them or B) I didn't hear them.  Either is possible.  The second is very likely. 

And when you're younger you just can't wait until you're "grown up".  Like being an adult is one big party.  Sure, you don't have to answer to your parents...unless you live in their house, then you still have to live by their rules.  And of course, you can do whatever you want...did I mention you also get to suffer all the consequences for your "whatever you wants"?  But obviously, there are so many more opportunities...oh yeah and responsibilities.  Hard to forget those responsibilities. 

I just spent the last hour on the phone with MetLife making sure the autopay wouldn't operate this month and trying to get the paperwork to set up a new one.  And then online to make sure my Health Insurance gets paid because it turns out there is such a thing as being too on top of things, and that's my own personal sickness.  And changing addresses on all kinds of accounts.  Making sure the school district is withholding money from my paycheck so that next tax season I don't have to pay the government.  And let us not forget the lesson plans I had to review for my...J-O-B!  Seriously?  A job?  Did I think those were going to be fun after I magically turned 18, or 21 or whatever arbitrary age I had set in my head that signified the passing into that super fun time in life known as "Adulthood"?  Can we say delusional? 

Not only does all of that suck pretty royally...but I already had to make all those "early adult" decisions.  Where to go to college?  What should I major in?  What kind of a career do I want?  Oh I'm not really going to need a career!  I'll just get married and have lots of babies and live in my dream house and live Happily FREAKING Ever After!  Why not?!?  After all, it seems like that's what everyone else does.  At least, from my rose-colored glasses, it appeared that way. 

Now that I'm older and "wiser"(AKA I've been crapped on so many times by life that I just wipe it on the nearest crumpled used napkin and continue on my way waiting for the next pile of crap to step in or be dumped on), I realize that people aren't always very nice.  In fact, far too often, people are pretty awful.  Some worse than others, obviously.  Generally speaking though, when you're an adult you deal with a lot of stupid people, crazy people, stupid crazy people, meanies, liars and manipulators.  To be honest, I dealt with these people as kids too, my mom just said I had to be nice to them and accept them for who they were and bake them cookies to make it better...or something like that. 

In the real world, cookies don't make people less stupid. 

Of course, I might be a little jaded.  And I am naturally suspicious of people and their intentions.  I've learned that it's necessary.  It probably makes me not a very good person.  But what are you going to do? 

Somehow this got a little out of control.  I kind of just meant to post a warning for future generations that you want to stay young.  Junior High and High School might seem awful now (don't get me wrong, you couldn't PAY me to redo Junior High), but being an adult is worse. 

I'm really not as bitter as I sound(I hope).  I might need more chocolate in my life right now.

I Never Get to Go Anywhere

Within 10 minutes of walking into my grandparents house, you will undoubtedly hear the words, "I never get to go anywhere!"  That would be my grandpa.  He has the travel bug.  And he was kind enough to pass it down to my mom, who then passed it to me.

In a perfect world, now that I'm single again, I would travel.  I would travel all the time.  I'd go all over the world.  I'd finally get a stamp in my passport! (whoa!  While You Were Sleeping moment right there)

I have quite the list of places I'd like to go. I'm sure you're dying to know what's on the list, right?

PARIS, FRANCE

Remember how I almost got to go to Paris in the fall of 2008?  Yeah.  I'm still really bitter about that.  I took french in school.  I studied up again in 2008 in preparation for the trip.  And I love French History!  I want to go to Paris so BADLY!

LONDON, ENGLAND

Part of the awesome trip to Paris was going to involve me going to London too.  Remember how my emphasis was European History?  And I did my thesis on Queen Elizabeth I?  Yeah.  I need me some England.

ITALY

This is a picture of Venice, but I'm not too picky.  But I studied so much about the Rennaisance for my degree, that it would be an abomination if I didn't make it Italy.

A CRUISE

I don't particularly care where I go, I just want to go on a cruise.  I would prefer a warm locale.  And I don't really want to go on a cruise by myself.

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

I'm not sure I have a great reason for wanting to go to Australia, I just do.

DISNEYLAND

I'm ALWAYS up for a trip to Disneyland!  To be honest, I have a secret ambition to visit every Disney Park in the world.  I know, I'm a crazy person.  But what are you gonna do?

So who wants to go on a trip with me?  Cuz I seriously have a NEED to go on a trip!  I never get to go anywhere!











Gratitude Day 90

There are a lot of things I'm grateful for today.  Not all of them are entirely appropriate for me to say out loud.  Let's see if I can find one that would be okay to post...

1. I'm grateful for meals I don't have to fix.  Thanks mom for feeding me tonight!
2. I'm grateful for new beginnings.
3. I'm grateful for my roommates.
4. I'm grateful for cinnamon rolls.  Thanks Kristie!
5. I'm grateful for my new hair color(brace yourselves though, I want it a bit darker...pictures after that).
6. I'm grateful for Ocean Spray fruit snacks...especially since they were only $1 at Walmart!
7. I'm grateful for razors...and people who use them.
8. I'm grateful for Chocolate.
9. I'm grateful for cool Apps on my iPhone.
10. I'm grateful for a productive weekend.
11. I'm grateful for 13 hours of sleep last night(hopefully I can fall asleep tonight).
12. I'm grateful for new adventures and experiences.
13. I'm grateful for thoroughness.
14. I'm grateful for raspberry jam.
15. I'm grateful for awesome friends!
16. I'm grateful for people to vent to.
17. I'm grateful for people to laugh with.
18. I'm grateful for my amazing family!
19. I'm grateful for the gospel.
20. I'm grateful for my muppet slippers.
21. I'm grateful for music.
22. I'm grateful for my talents.
23. I'm grateful for deodorant(when was the last time you were in the same room with 35 8th grade boys?).
24. I'm grateful for a dishwasher in my apartment!
25. I'm grateful for my microfiber hair towel(Angie, how did I ever live before this?)!
26. I'm grateful for smoothe(relatively) transitions.
27. I'm grateful for unexpected opportunities.
28. I'm grateful for clean laundry.
29. I'm grateful for cookies(although I will never again eat 2.5 dozen in 3 days).
30. I'm grateful for my work ethic.
31. I'm grateful for my sense of humor.
32. I'm grateful for God's sense of humor(well, most of the time).
33. I'm grateful for my cooking abilities.
34. I'm grateful for contacts(I'm glad I don't have to wear my glasses all the time...but I love them).
35. I'm grateful for Bath and Body Works Vanilla Tini body lotion(have you smelled me lately?).
36. I'm grateful for the internet(I shouldn't waste so much time on it...but it does make some things easier).
37. I'm grateful for sweaters.
38. I'm grateful for patience.
39. I'm grateful for my trials.
40. I'm grateful for my new exercise routine(seriously, loving the results).
41. I'm grateful for my job(I get to teach music/play music!  Does it really get any better?).
42. I'm grateful for my college degree(if I needed to go back and get a teaching certificate, it really wouldn't be that hard).
43. I'm grateful for my nieces.  They seriously bring happiness and sunshine to ANY day!
44. I'm grateful for my friends' kids!  And I love how willing the parents are to lend me their children!
45. I'm grateful for deep breaths.
46. I'm grateful for Cafe Rio.
47. I'm grateful for White Collar(oh Neal Caffrey...).
48. I'm grateful for Bones.
49. I'm grateful for quiet evenings at home.
50. I'm grateful for nail polish.
51. I'm grateful for my car(it's very stealthy looking...I like to think I'm a spy).
52. I'm grateful for trial and error.
53. I'm grateful for sweat pants.
54. I'm grateful for Sleepy Hollow.
55. I'm grateful for Peanut Butter.
56. I'm grateful for iTunes(I love that all my music is in the same location).
57. I'm grateful for spray butter.
58. I'm grateful for my skinny jeans(somedays you just need a guarantee that you look hot).
59. I'm grateful for my "hooker boots".
60. I'm grateful for chips and salsa.
61. I'm grateful for friends who are much wiser than I am.
62. I'm grateful for new "1st"s.
63. I'm grateful for memories.
64. I'm grateful for learning opportunities.
65. I'm grateful for new pillow cases.
66. I'm grateful for FRIENDS(the TV show).
67. I'm grateful for late nights(I really thought I was done staying up late...I kind of like that I'm not).
68. I'm grateful for days I can sleep in.
69. I'm grateful for concerts and musicals and plays to see.
70. I'm grateful for voice lessons(and Cecily!).
71. I'm grateful for hot showers.
72. I'm grateful for people who are on time(but Angie, I still love you).
73. I'm grateful for Blueberry Muffins.
74. I'm grateful for Kneaders French Toast(but really it's the amazing syrup they have).
75. I'm grateful for water(yup...it's what I drink...soda is gross).
76. I'm grateful for made up words.
77. I'm grateful for books(wish I had more time to read them).
78. I'm grateful for Disney(movies, land, world...all of it).
79. I'm grateful for Virgin River Hotel and Casino signs(heeheehee).
80. I'm grateful for vacations(I really need one...I never get to go anywhere).
81. I'm grateful for musical theater.
82. I'm grateful for opportunities to perform(still working on that one resolution to sing in front of people...but no one wants me to sing for them...sad, huh?).
83. I'm grateful for thick hair.
84. I'm grateful for my cute little figure.
85. I'm grateful for Netflix.
86. I'm grateful for Bare Minerals foundation.
87. I'm grateful for my persistence.
88. I'm grateful for my instincts.
89. I'm grateful for my spontanaeity.
90. I'm grateful for the end of my 90 day waiting period!

Hm...I found ways to make them all appropriate(I think).  Tomorrow is the day I file my final divorce paper work.  After that, it's just a couple weeks until I have the decree and it's all finalized.  I'm ready to move to the next phase of my life!  The little steps I've already taken have been great!  But I'm ready to dive in 100% now!  The last 90 days of gratitude has gotten me through some rough patches.  I know it won't be smoothe sailing from here on out, far from.  But I know that I can plow through anything!  Bring it on! 

Gratitude Day 89

I'm grateful for days like this where I get so much done.  Truth be told, both my Friday and my Saturday have been very productive.  I've checked so many things off my list, I think I will be able to relax tomorrow and not do too much fretting next week.

Gratitude Day 88

I'm grateful for accompaniment tracks. Do you know how hard it is to play and sing? I mean, I do it. I just practice more effectively when I only have to do one or the other.


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Gratitude Day 87

I'm grateful for the part of me that is spontaneous. It's just what I needed today to recover from yesterday.

I'll post the results of my spontaneity another time. But I'm pretty pleased with the results.

(hopefully the suspense won't kill you)


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Gratitude Day 86

I'm really struggling with something I'm grateful for right now.  It was a rough day at school.  I'm going to need an entire box of Ritalin for the 8th grade boys and probably at least that much Valium for me.

Let's see...Monday, I made 5 dozen chocolate chip cookies.  They did not reflect my best work, but they seem to do the trick.  I've eaten probably half of that quantity since. 

I'm grateful I still have a pretty speedy metabolism and that I'm not opposed to exercise.

Gratitude Day 85

I'm grateful for Cecily's fill-in voice teacher.  Today, he told me to sing with a guy as often as possible.

Um...OKAY!  I'll definitely be getting my practicing done now! 

Genius

"Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things." -Ted Moseby

Yes this life-changing quote came from How I Met Your Mother. And I want to paint it on my wall.


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Gratitude Day 84

I'm grateful for How I Met Your Mother.  I'm sitting here watching it on Netflix.  I'm watching the episode called "Desperation Day".  So funny!  Seriously love it!

Gratitude Day 83

I'm grateful for Dove Promises.  Not only were they tasty to eat during church, but they were really entertaining too.  The wrappers have little sayings, words of wisdom if you will.  And some of them are awesome.

I got three that said "Linger over Chocolate".  I think Dove wants me to be fat.

Gratitude Day 82

I'm grateful for Clean Sheets.  They smell so nice!

Gratitude Day 81

I'm grateful for alone time.  I love my roommates, but sometimes it's nice to come home to an empty house and just kick back.

I Was Born at the Wrong Time

I belong in a Jane Austen novel.

And Emma is one of my particular favorites.  It seems perfect to me, really.  I could be British.  And I would look fantastic wearing those gowns.  And how studdly do the men look?  Mmhmm!  Yes please!  Plus, they had balls!  For weeks now, I've been dying to go to a ball.  But alas, none are to be found.  Also, it would be very difficult to dance at a ball alone.  And I most particularly do not want to be standing alone on the side looking lonely and feeling unwanted.

If only I had a Mr. Knightly...

Life Lessons 2 of 6,987,051

Everything I needed to know about life, I've learned from FRIENDS.  Yes.  The TV show.  So many of life's situations, I know how to handle because I've seen it on FRIENDS.  (Don't tell me that they're not functional people.  I don't want to hear it.)  Now you get to enjoy some of my favorite quotes.

"Let me tell you, it's been a long time since I've been flung." ~Rachel

"Alright.  Look, if you absolutely have to tell the truth, at least wait until the timing's right.  And that's what death beds are for!" ~Chandler

"You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistence!" ~Chandler

"And just so you know... It's NOT that common, it DOESN'T happen to ever guy, and it IS a big deal!" ~Rachel

"You know, we should probably ask the Doctor if she knows how to deliver a baby that's half human and half PURE EVIL!" ~ Ross

Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and try to woo her.
Chandler: Hey!  You know what you should do?  Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.

"You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha." ~Monica

Monica:  My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey:  That is so not my motto.

Monica:  How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel:  So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye

Chandler:  Condoms?
Joey:  We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler:  And condoms are the way to do that?

Oh there are so many, many other quotes!  And all can be applied to life on a fairly regular basis.

Gratitude Day 80

I'm so grateful for my job.  Specifically, I'm grateful that I only teach in the morning.  I'm done by 11:30.  That means, that when I have a sore throat and I desperately need to get better(and definitely not get worse), I can come home, take a nice steamy shower, relax around the house and even take a nap(that's next on the list).  It really is perfect.

(I'm not going to think about how crazy some of my classes were today)

Gratitude Day 79

I'm grateful for computers.  Well, technology in general, really.  As I sit here working on grades, typing up handouts and instructions, blogging, texting, emailing, facebooking, and other miscellaneous necessary and time-wasting activities, I think about how much more productive I would be without technology. 

Okay, that's kind of true.  But mostly, I'm thinking about what a pain it would be to try to mass produce and distribute worksheets and handouts for my classes.  Seriously.  What a nightmare!  And in my classroom today, I used my iPod and the speaker system for a relatively simple and low-key lesson.  Without those things, I would have had to...I don't know, actually prepare and teach?

Now off the computer and back to the tedious task of grading papers.  Well, maybe a little more Facebook first...

Gratitude Day 78

I am so grateful for soup! I walked out to my car this morning and the temp gauge said 14 degrees. That was not okay! And then I got to the school and I'm pretty sure they hadn't heated the room all weekend long! I was shivering and my fingers were purple. Seriously not exaggerating at all!

Fortunately, I came home, changed into a toasty warm sweater, and warmed up with a bowl of taco soup. It definitely hit the spot! And probably saved me from frostbite, pneumonia...or worse!


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I'm Working It Out

70 push ups this morning.  And 200 crunches.  That's twice as many push ups as I usually do and about half again as many crunches.  And then stretches and a little yoga.  Seriously, I might want to die tomorrow.  But I've felt great today.  Can't wait until tomorrow.

Gratitude Day 77

Things came pretty easily to me, growing up.  School wasn't hard.  I was smart.  Not like, freaking genius smart.  But nothing was much of a challenge.  I mean, as I got older, more work was required of me.  That was difficult because I hadn't really had to work much before.  And it took a while for me to really want to do the work and to really appreciate the results. 

Now, work is part of my daily life.  Hard work.  When you're a kid, you just don't understand how much work is required in life.  I don't have homework anymore.  Okay, well,  I kind of do right now because of all the teaching.  But I'm not in school. 

The thing is, I still have a ton of stuff to learn.  I love learning.  That's the thing I miss most about school.  I miss learning new things everyday.  I'm sitting here looking at my book shelf(and the many books that have been sadly neglected), and thinking how I'd love to pick up one of my old textbooks and really go to town on it.  Right now probably isn't the best time, but I'm glad they're out of storage so I can take advantage of them when I do have time.

Anyway, learning is hard work.  If I'd known the other learning methods that would be ever-present in my life, I might have appreciate homework more.  I think about everything that I've been through in the past decade, since graduating from High School.  All I've done is work.  And it's been hard.  Sometimes really hard.

College:  Did you know I had to write a 30 page paper to graduate as a History Major?  And I chose Queen Elizabeth I.  Do you know how hard it is to find Primary Sources from the 1500's?  In Ogden Utah?  Yeah.  Hard work. 

Marriage:  Did you know it takes work to live with another person?  Espcially if you want to do it some what successfully.  Hard work.  Of course, it takes both people working and fighting for success for things to really work.  Hard work....and something I can't control.

Fertility:  Did you know that I have been "inspected" by no fewer than 26 people?  Yeah.  Do you know what some of the procedures are to just diagnose (or attempt to) infertility?  If you don't, count yourself lucky.  Then there's all the planning, coordinating, medication, injections, ultrasounds, blood tests, more ultrasounds, disappointments.  Hard work.

Divorce:  It took me the better part of 2 years to realize that I needed to get a divorce.  It took me that long to come around to the idea that I couldn't save my marriage.  It took me that long to accept that, inspite of all the HARD WORK I'd put in, I had FAILED.  I don't fail at things.  Is it awful that that is probably the biggest scar I have from the whole thing?  The failure of it all.  I know that not everything was my fault.  It takes 2 people a lot of Hard Work to make a marriage work.  It takes 2 people to end a marriage too.  And the paperwork and the waiting for 90 days and the emotional issues...All HARD WORK!

Recovering:  When you get pushed down and then kicked around for a while, you have to find a way to get back up.  Everyone needs a reason to get up in the morning.  For me, it changes every day.  Every day I need a new reason just to get out of bed.  I need a new reason to get dressed.  I need a new reason to (pretend) to function.  Some days, it's not that hard.  Some days, finding a reason is HARD WORK. 

Happiness: Happiness is a choice.  I think that's something that a lot of people don't understand.  There are things that are absolutely out of my control.  I don't get to make choices for other people.  Sometimes I have to suffer consequences for choices I didn't make.  Sometimes things are just plain crappy.  But you know what?  At the end of the day, I get to choose how much I let that effect me.  I get to choose if I'm going to wallow and throw myself a giant pity party.  I get to choose if I'm going to push past it and find that sliver of a silver lining.  I get to choose if I want to be happy.  And I always choose to be happy.  Trust me.  It's far from easy.  But I can not spend my life crying.  I can not spend my life moping around waiting for someone to hand me my perfect life on a silver platter.  I refuse to put my happiness in the hands of others.  Yes.  Other people help me find happiness.  But they don't control when I feel it, or when I don't.  I get to decide what things I dwell on.  I get to decide what people I keep around me.  I get to make my own happiness.  And sometimes, that is Hard Work.

This has been a long, kind of rambling blog post to get to one little point...

I'm grateful I know how to work hard.  I'm grateful I know work is part of life.  I'm grateful for every chance I'm given to work and grow.  (But I would be okay if life got a little easier for a bit...I mean, I definitely wouldn't complain.)

2011 In Review

I stole this from my friend Miranda's blog.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before? Went to Disney World!
2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember my resolutions from last year.  But I have a few for next.  I've already made a post about it.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My Friends Lacee and Amy both gave birth.  Oh and my cousin's wife.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.5. What countries did you visit?
None.  I don't want to talk about it.6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I have a list.  And what are probably unreasonable expectations.  7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 25th- It was a REALLY awesome Christmas(and I'm focusing on the positive of the year).
8. What was your biggest personal achievement of the year? 
It might sound weird, but I was able to find the courage to get divorced. 
9. What was your biggest failure?
Interestingly enough, my divorce.  I mean, it's really for the best, but the marriage was a failure.10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Physical injury?  No.  11. What was the best thing you bought?
My little black dress for my class reunion.  I've gotten some good use out of that.12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Um, hello!  Me!  I'm so well behaved!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I don't want to talk about it.14. Where did most of your money go?
I'm going to guess house-related stuff.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
HeeHeeHee...wouldn't you like to know?  Ok....starting over.
16. What song (s) will always remind you of 2011?
Meine Lippen Sie Kussen So Heiss-  This German song has been the bane of my existence since October. 
King of Everything by Sarah Barreilles- Trust me, it hits home.17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) happier b) Thinner c) richer, in terms of blessings
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Performing
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying20. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Um....21. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate people.  I do, however, dislike their choices.
23. What was the best book you read?
I don't read enough.  And I can't remember what books I read.  Sad.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
After the divorce, my voice stopped being quite so crazy.  Apparently, my voice doesn't like stress.
25. What did you want and get?
Happiness
26. What did you want and not get? 
So many things.  Let's not dwell.
27. What was your favorite film of this year?
XMen First Class
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29. I bought myself a new pair of pants and went to the theater for a Preview of the other cast of Sleepy Hollow and enjoyed the company of my many friends there.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
You know, what had to happen, happened.  And as much as some aspects of it are awful, the outcome is really kind of satisfying.30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I spent a sad amount of time in sweats.   
31. What kept you sane?
Amazing family and friends, the gospel and a loving Heavenly Father who is in control of everything.  I'm terrified to think where I would be without all those things.

Life Lessons Part 1 of 6,987,051

The last 2 weeks, my General Music classes watched Fiddler on the Roof.  That's a lot of Fiddler on the Roof.  Plus, I was in Fiddler when I was a senior in High School. So I've really been on  Fiddler overload. 

But...there are plenty of lessons to learn from Fiddler.  And so I present the first in a series of Life Lessons posts...

Tevye says in one scene, "I know. I know. We are Your chosen people.  But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?"

I totally feel this way. So. Much. Of. The. Time.

I find myself looking skyward and saying, "Really?  Again?  Haven't I already learned this lesson?  Can't we just move on?  How about that life lesson that everything is AWESOME?  Huh?  When do I get that one?"

Apparently, there are some lessons we get to learn over and over and over.  Patience.  That's one of them.  I gotta say, I'm not a fan of the methods used to teach this one.  Oh well.  I'm getting used to it.  It's great to be chosen, right?

Gratitude Day 76

I'm grateful my body is getting back into a rhythm. I'm starting to find my groove again. I've got school and the school related activities I have to take home and I've got singing and piano stuff. I'm loving living with my roommates. I'm ready to go to the singles ward. I'm ready to file my papers in 2 weeks(2 weeks from tomorrow, thank you very much).

I'm not under near as much stress. And I love that my body is recovering from all my previous stress. I had fingers I would get warts on every time that I got really stressed. I haven't had warts since the divorce started. I lost a bit a weight, but I'm gaining some back. I'm doing it a healthy way, too. I've been working out. My arms and abs are getting really awesome.

I'm feeling great and doing great. Really. I promise.

Gratitude Day 75

I'm grateful for a little show called White Collar.  It's on the USA Network.  But it's recently come to Netflix!  The show's premise is interesting.  But that's not why I sit riveted and (re)watching episodes. No.  The reason is the main character, Neal Caffery(that's the fictional character).  He's got amazing hair.  He's good looking.  He's a fantastic dresser.

Too bad he's not real(and the real life actor is probably gay...or would be after spending much time with me...it's a talent of mine).

Gratitude Day 74

I'm grateful for Peanut Butter. I really it wish it weren't so expensive because it's basically its own food group as far as I'm concerned. (fortunately, my mom stocks it in the pantry and us happy to let me steal some) But seriously, if it weren't for peanut butter, I would starve most days.

(mock this gratitude all you want, but I was really struggling yesterday)


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They Just Pop Into My Head

I can't help it.  It usually happens when I'm driving in the car, or blow drying my hair, or watching TV, or trying to sleep.  Things just pop into my head.  It's not like I was thinking hard about them.  They're just little thoughts.  And I don't always know what to do about them.  Sometimes there's nothing that CAN be done.  So now you get to read about some of them...

• I'm really irritated that I have a Passport that I've never used.
• I'm allergic to a lot of flowers, but I kind of want to be one of those people that gets flowers delivered to them at work and everyone is all "Oh!  So cute!  He sent you flowers at work!"
• I'm a chocolate snob.  High quality chocolate is all I eat.  Lindor Truffles.  Godiva caramels.  Ghiradelli Chocolate chips(for my cookies, of course). But I really don't eat much.
• I really need to wash my make up brushes(I know, that's something that can be done).
• I have a serious love/hate relationship with my recital piece.  I love the song!  It's beautiful and I love singing the melody.  I can not, for the life of me, get my mouth to sing German.  So frustrating!
• I organize my movies by genre and then I alphabetize.  I do the same thing with my books(mostly).
• I don't like Reality TV.
• I can eat whole boxes of Nilla Wafers in the right situation.  But I don't do generic and I prefer Nabisco.
• I also don't like generic Peanut Butter.  Call me a snob if you want, that's just the way I feel about it.
• If I blogged half the things that I thought about wanting to blog, you wouldn't be able to keep up with all the reading and what you did read would probably make you very concerned for my sanity. 
• I can't wait until January 30th.
• Some things aren't polite to talk about with most people, and it definitely wouldn't be okay to blog about them.
• I've never hit a person with my car.  But I think about it...more than is probably healthy.
• I still would never intentionally hit a person with my car.
• I love going to see musicals, plays, the symphony, the opera, the ballet...all those kinds of goodness! 
• I love museums.  Pretty much any kind of museum.  And aquariums.  And when I go out of town, those are some of the things I really like doing.
• I have a secret desire to be a Librarian or a Museum Curator.  Seriously. 

There you have it.  My random thoughts.  I'm sure you don't care.  But it entertained me for a minute.

Gratitude Day 73

Today I'm grateful for the end of the semester.  I'm ready to be done watching movies.  It's not that I don't like Fiddler on the Roof(although after my senior year in high school I do have some very mixed feelings about it), but 2 class periods of it, plus talking about it during class and doing the worksheet and having to come up with a test...that's A LOT of Fiddler. 

I'm ready to be teaching.  My 2 new General Music classes and a Boys Choir class will start on Tuesday.  I'm really excited to actually teach something.  And of course, my 9th graders come back.  They're great and I can't wait to really dive into their festival music(unfortunately, that means more german). 

I've got quite a bit to do this weekend to prepare for the new classes.  But that's why I have a 4-day weekend(and yes, I'm grateful for that too).

Gratitude Day 72

Wednesday, I was grateful for my friend Amy.  She lives in North Carolina.  That's REALLY far away!  BUT she's here visiting.  And that means seeing all my other girls as well! 

We got together for Amy's birthday last night.  It was a blast to have dinner and ice cream(of course there was ice cream!) with the girls again.  We chatted and caught up and reminisced(Amy...CREEPY TINY HANDS!) and laughed...a lot!  Good times.

You know, girls, we really don't need Amy to comem to give us an excuse to hang out.  Of course, we do prefer having Amy with us...she needs to not live so far away!

Gratitude Day 71

(Because I'm lazy, I got a bit behind)

TUESDAY I was grateful that I'm not a quitter.  I know this may surprise you, but perhaps I was a little hasty in judging myself so harshly in THIS blog post.

I went to lessons on Tuesday and Cecily's interim teacher(Cecily is in Dallas doing Kismet) was very patient with me and very helpful and didn't point out how awful I was.  I didn't even see him wince(although, I spent a great deal of time wincing...but we fixed a lot of things so that got better).

And the last couple days as I've been practicing(aren't you proud of me, Cecily?) and recording myself(it really was brilliant eventhough it made me want to die a little), I'm hearing improvement and using the recordings as a way to refine my singing and help myself at home(I'm such a good little student).

Now if only I could get my mouth to speak/sing German, everything would be great.

Gratitude Day 70

You know, yesterday I had an epic idea for my gratitude post for the day. And then I took an accidental nap. So...I don't remember what it was...but it was epic. But I am grateful for the little things. The little things that make my life easier. I'm not going to get more specific than that. But I've seen a lot of them lately. And I'm most grateful. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Being Brilliant May Be Dangerous to My Health

So today I had a BRILLIANT idea(truth be told, I have brilliant ideas everyday, but I thought this one deserved mentioning).  I decided to record some of my singing practice for voice lessons.

Unfortunately(or fortunately, I suppose, depending on how you look at it), this led to me discovering that I'm one of those people.  You know the people who go on American Idol and yell at the judges and tell them that their family and friends love to hear them sing and the judges are just stupid and wouldn't talent if it spit in their face?  Yup.  I'm one of those people.  Apparently, all these years people have been too afraid of my delicate self-esteem or some crap like that and have been artificially promoting my singing "talent".  Somehow you even got Weber State in on it because they offered me a vocal scholarship and were going to let me be a Vocal Performance major!  Seriously, folks!  You weren't doing me any favors.

Yes.  I did read that and realize that it's the ranting of a crazy woman.  Fine.  It's not THAT bad.  Although, I am beginning to understand why I am not being cast and why I was cast as a silent horse in my last show. 

You know what?!  Just let me cry a little and have my freaking pity party!  I'm surrounded by incredibly talented friends!  And what I just listened to today with the help of my iPhone recording App(my iPhone is my only true friend), was NOT acceptable.  My poor roommate who has been home listening to me this afternoon(well, I assume she made it through the practice session...I should go see if she left...or worse...died)!

No more brilliant ideas.  Espeically not ones that involve me recording and listening to myself sing.  Yes.  I've already deleted the recordings.  Now I have to go curl up in the corner and die a little.  This is not helping my New Years resolution to sing in front of people I know.  Maybe I just need to know more deaf people...

Gratitude Day 69

Today, I'm particularly grateful for my piano.  It's not the prettiest piano.  It's not the greatest sounding piano.  But it's prefectly(nearly) functional.  It does what I need it to anyway.  And it's compact.  I brought it back to the apartment today from its temporary housing at Angie's.  I'm so excited to have easy access to my piano!  It makes me sooooo happy!  Hopefully my roommates won't regret telling me to bring it here... :)

Spontaneous Combustion

That Post Title seems a little intense, doesn't it?  No worries.  I'm not as worried about spontaneously combusting as I once was(it's not like I actually thought I would, it's just the way I would refer to my stress level).

I wish I were more spontaneous.  I'm such a planner.  I like my calendar.  I like to know what's going on in my life, weeks in advance even.  I don't like last minute invites to parties.  Part of that is because I get anxious in certain social situations and I like to have time to prepare myself(Yes I am aware that I'm a crazy person).  The other part is that I think it's rude for people to assume that I have nothing else going on so they can wait so long to extend an invite(yes I am aware that I'm boring and usually have nothing going on...but someday I might). 

I love to take trips, but I don't know that I could just throw a change of underwear in the car and drive off to the unknown.  It sounds very adventurous and exciting, doesn't it?  Yeah, apparently I'm not adventurous or exciting.  Maybe under the right circumstances.  Then again, I'm the person who makes Excel spreadsheets to decide what vacation to go on and who to book through and where to stop for gas. 

I'm very thorough and think things through.  Over Analyze?  Me?  Never!  Oh wait...no I do that EVERYDAY! 

Also, I'm not nearly decisive enough (particularly in the moment) to be spontaneous.  I'd think of it, and then think about it and then analyze it and then almost decide to do it and then talk myself out of it and then three days later, after everything is in place, go through with it.  Laugh all you want, this has happened to me SO MANY TIMES. 

I'm totally spontaneous....as long as you give me enough time to plan for it.

Anyway, so I need some suggestions.  Ways to be more spontaneous.  Not reckless.  Spontaneous.  Because spontaneous people are fun people.  And I should be a fun person.

Gratitude Day 68

I'm grateful we have a washer/dryer in our apartment.  Seriously so glad I don't have to haul all my dirty laundry to the laundromat (AKA my mom's house) and then back again when it's clean.  Particularly on days like today where the weather is less than desireable and it's likely I would end up slipping and dropping my newly washed clothes in a snowy street.  Plus, this way I can multi-task and try to get my life organized WHILST I wash my clothes.  YAY!

Gratitude Day 67

I'm grateful for Michael Buble.  Seriously, I may not have been able to get up and ready this morning without him.

2012 Will Be Life Changing

Actually, I feel like it's already been pretty life-changing.  A new apartment, new roommates, new job...new, new, new(that word looks weird when I type it over and over again).  Of course, in a few short weeks (22 days), I'll file the final divorce papers and a whole bunch more NEW things can happen(yes, I'm ready for that).

Obviously a lot of new changes will happen due to my situation in life.  But, as per tradition, I feel obligated to make a few adjustments to myself in an effort to become a better person(or some crap like that).

#1)  This is a BIG one: STOP HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY iPHONE AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE. It's my own fault, I know.  My contract on my iPhone is up the end of June.  I'm hoping I'll be strong enough to leave smart phones behind.  I love that I have access to email and facebook and other stuff...but I also hate it.  And I let it distract me from important things and people. 

#2)  BUILD SOME MUSCLE.  I don't want to become a body builder or anything(so gross).  But I do want(need) to put some weight on and the healthy way is with muscle.  I was actually just figuring out a little workout routine when I got sick(happens every time, I swear).  So after I recover, it's back to getting fit.

#3)  STOP CARING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME. I didn't used to care so much.  It's really frustrating to me that now I do. 

#4)  SING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE I KNOW.  Seriously.  I don't get nervous at auditions or on stage.  But I hate singing in front of friends and even family.  Especially my talented friends.  I won't even sing in the car with most people.  It's not that I get nervous, I'm just certain that they are going to tell me not to sing anymore(I've been asked not to sing, so it's not unprecedented).

Just a few little self improvement things.  I'll keep you posted on the progress.

Gratitude Day 66

Today I'm grateful for toilets.

Sounds weird, I know.  But you spend the day with your toilets out of commission because new flooring is being laid and let me know how grateful you are for access to a toilet.

Don't Hate Me Cuz I'm... Happy?

I'm a happy person. Everyone just needs to deal with it. Even growing up people criticized me for being "too happy".

Really? Is there such a thing? I suppose that, comparatively speaking, I might be a little intense sometimes for people to handle.

What I want to know is why you would want me to be anything else? Do people want me to be miserable? I mean, I suppose you should expect someone in my situation to be walking around with a storm cloud over their head. But no one should want or wish me to be utterly miserable. On the contrary, I would think, people should be hoping I could find happiness again.

Don't misunderstand. Most of you amazing folk are very supportive and encouraging and I know you are happy that I am happy. There are a few(some that I encounter regularly and a few I wish I didn't ever have to see again) who judge me and my happiness.

And you know what I will happily give them? An extra big smile! So there.

And why shouldn't I be happy? Do you have any idea what my life has been like these last 2 years? No. You don't. And there's a good chance you're not going to find out. It's not something I want to think about and relive constantly. And by judging me and telling me that it's unbecoming (or whatever far more derogatory word you want to use) for a person in my "situation" to "already" be functioning in society, makes me feel like a terrible person. And I'm not a terrible person.

Furthermore, I am not cold and unfeeling(at least I assume not considering the gallons of tears I've shed during this and my many other trials not to mention the rainbow of positive emotions i experience daily). I'm actually a very passionate person and it's incredibly frustrating that people make me doubt that or even convince me that I am cold and unfeeling.

So, when you see me smiling and being a freaking ray of sunshine, just accept it. Smile back. Don't judge me. Be happy for me. It's really ok that I move on with life. Trust me. I've earned my chance to be so happy.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 65

I am grateful for(in no particular order)...

Mucinex
Vicks vapor rub
Hot showers
Nap time
Vitamin C
Taco soup
Sweatpants

Yup I might be a little sick. I spent a couple days in denial, but now I'm hard at work trying to get better. I kind of want to live in my sweatpants, but I have to go to school. I guess my big weekend plans will involve sweatpants(if I haven't recovered by then).

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 64

Today I am grateful for my Long Term sub job. Today was day #1 of about 90. But it was awesome! I loved it! It's great because I feel like an actual teacher instead of a glorified babysitter. And it's teaching choir and General Music. I feel like I actually do a pretty good job.

Of course this was the first day, but still...at least I didn't run home crying. And a great start like this makes me more confident about the long haul.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Midnight Musings

Yes. I should be sleeping.  But I'm not.  I have a cold and it's causing a headache that my Tylenol has yet to penetrate.  So my brain is going a million miles a minute(I also took Mucinex and the decongestant in that tends to make me a little edgy....it also makes me have super crazy dreams...after I eventually get to sleep) and I thought you'd all enjoy a little rambling...

I start my long-term subbing job as Choir Teacher at Millcreek Junior High tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous.  Not about tomorrow, or any day in the next 2 weeks, not really(end of semester).  I'm nervous about preparing the 9th graders for their Festival.  I have to teach them 3 pieces and then take them and have them perform it.  They also have to sight read, and I get to teach them how to do that too.  Okay, thinking about that makes my head hurt more...moving on...

We're getting new carpet in the living room of the apartment on Wednesday.  We have to move all the furniture tomorrow night into the kitchen... We need some manly help.  On Thursday, we're getting new linoleum(sp?) in the kitchen so everything has to be moved back into the living room, plus we have to move the stove, fridge and washer and dryer off the floor.  More manly help please.

Remember how I'm taking my blog private?  Yeah you need to tell me your email address, if you haven't already, or you are going to be in tears come the end of the week when you can't access my brilliance.

I'm going to South Pacific at Capitol Theater on Wednesday.  I'm SUPER excited!

I'm wondering if you can get a British Boy with a British Accent and not get British Teeth.

I was talking to my roommate this morning about relationships and divorce and stuff.  I think relationships work when both people are more concerned about the happiness of the other person than they are their own.  If you are thinking about and taking care of the other person, and they are thinking about and taking care of you, then you both have your needs met and you don't even have to think about yourself.  When people get selfish, relationships fall apart. 

I want to travel.  I have a passport I've never used.  That's sad.

I calculated and I think I made 16 pounds of caramels this Holiday Season.  We aren't going to talk about how many pounds I ate.

I love dancing.  I miss dancing.  I should dance more.

When did groceries get to be so expensive?  I mean really!  It's getting ridiculous! 

Today, I set up the wireless router for the apartment and helped the roommates get hooked up.  Yup.  I'm basically a computer genius!

I'm itching for an adventure.  I don't know what exactly...it's a work in progress.

Well, this doesn't seem to be helping my headache.  My head might explode(and not in a good way).  And I really need to sleep since I will be getting up in about 6 hours.

Gratitude Day 63

I am grateful for my new roommates!  You'll be hearing more about them I'm sure.  There names are Lindsey and Bealynn. 

This morning we cleaned and organized the kitchen.  We chatted and laughed and there was some freaking out about bugs and some killing and disposing of bugs(you might be surprised to learn I did the killing...or it might not surprise you at all) and just had an all around good time. 

I'm really excited to get to know these girls better and spend time with them.  So far, it's been great having roommates.  I don't have to come home to an empty house.  I don't have to sit all by myself during the day or evening.  But I don't feel smothered.  So that's good.

I love my new apartment and am so grateful I found it and my new roommates!

Gratitude day 62

I am grateful for New-ness.

I'm grateful for the New Year! 2012 is going to be EPIC!
I'm grateful for New beginnings!
I'm grateful for New friends!
I'm grateful for a New apartment!
I'm grateful for New roommates!
I'm grateful for New experiences!
I'm grateful for a New job(remember how I start long-term subbing on Tuesday?)
I'm grateful for New life lessons.
I'm grateful for New adventures.

Out with the old, in with the new. 2012, you look good enough to kiss!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gratitude Day 61

I know I've done this one before, but I think it's worth repeating.

I'm grateful for my family. They put up with me invading their space on super short notice. They have put up with my crazy busy schedule and my popping in and out during the day and night. They deal with my female mood swings and grumpiness.

They helped me move in. And yesterday, they helped me move out and into a new apartment. I love that I have so many brothers to lift heavy things. It means I have to lift fewer heavy things.

And my parents are great. They may not always agree with the decisions I make, but they taught me to make good decisions. I am most grateful for that!

My family us awesome!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone