I had FANTASTIC skin when I was a teenager. I rarely had breakouts. Usually it was just the occasional pimple popping up.
And now that I'm almost 30, I'm getting to enjoy the joys of acne. Okay, it's not full blown acne, but it's not great. AND the fact that I'm trying to date and be attractive right now is incredibly frustrating.
But it's all good. Being stressed out is good for not wanting acne. Oh wait. No. It's the CAUSE of adult acne. Not okay. So are sugary treats. That's pretty much what I'm living on now that I'm doing school, work and rehearsal. Healthy food is not necessarily portable food. It's not good. I'm trying to drink more water, but I hate using public restrooms, so there's that.
At this point in time, I can't really improve my sleeping habits (she says while typing a blog post at 10:45 at night). I have rehearsal until at least 10:00 nearly every night. And then it's up bright at early at 6:30 am. If I could get to sleep right after rehearsal, it would probably be fine, but it takes me a little time to get calmed down for sleep.
ANYWAY... I think I need some new cleansing and possibly make up products. So what does everyone use? Does anyone have a suggestion? I'm seriously dying here. Don't say Proactive. I'm not using Proactive. And let's keep in mind that I'm on a budget.
And start the ideas rolling in. I'm open to natural options too.
I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Glamour Shots
My friend, Ashley takes pictures. She's swell. Go to her website here. She took some pictures of me about a month ago. And I am in love with them! You've seen a few with the blog remodel. But I thought I'd post a few more of my favorites here for your enjoyment. Okay. I just really like looking at them and I feel awfully vain just looking at them for no particular reason but to admire myself.
Let me just say that I love this dress. So. Much. I bought it several months ago and It's red and fantastic. And I wore it to my Scarlet Pimpernel audition and we all know how that turned out! Let's just say it's always a crowd pleaser.
Okay. This is probably my favorite of all the pictures. The reason is going to sound a little crazy. But this is how I picture myself in my head. You know how when you imagine what you're wearing or what you look like or you picture yourself in a certain scenario and what you picture isn't the precise way that you look in the mirror? Well, in my head, I'm soft and glowy. Okay not exactly. But this this is what I look like to myself in my head. See, I'm a crazy person.
Let's talk about how adorable my shoes are.
I love photos that capture the real genuine article. I don't love posed photos because they feel forced or fake. But because Ashley is amazing and we have a good report, it was easy to just be myself. Sometimes I look at other people's pictures and I think, "That doesn't look like that person." But the awesome thing about these pictures is that I see various facets of my personality in every one of them.
This alley was terrifying. I was a little worried I was going to get a disease from touching things. But it was WAY too cool and environment to not take advantage of. I love it!
I just think this picture is adorable. I love my hands. I know it's weird, but there you have it.
The Graffiti Wall. Pure Awesomeness. Plus I love my Orange Dorothy Sundress.
Tell me you don't look at this picture and think "WENDI!"
Anyone want to try to caption this picture?
I don't usually like profile pictures of myself. I have a long face and I don't love my chin. But I like this one. And Ashley told me I have a great chin, so I'm feeling better about that.
I love putting my hands in a sturdy door frame.
Aren't they spectacular? I love them! They're such fun pictures! And they're exactly what I hoped they would be. It was pretty much like Ashley and I were using the same brain. It was a little scary. She'd be like, "Okay now do... exactly what you're doing." Cuz I'd already anticipated what she'd wanted. We're amazing like that.
Seriously Ashley, I love them!
Just When You Think You're Prepared For the Unexpected...
You discover that there's WAY more Unexpected. And you are completely caught off guard. And you just have to shake your head and go, "Fine. I get it. I'll stop trying to prepare and anticipate everything because that's clearly an exercise in futility."
And that's all I have to say about that.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
It's That Time Again
Time for another brain dump. I'm trying to empty my brain before I go to sleep. The nights when I have rehearsal, I can usual fall asleep in an efficient manner, and even when I don't, I get pretty high quality sleep because I'm so physically and emotionally wiped out. But today has been a particularly loooong Sunday. I'm a little concerned that I might not be able to get to sleep.
Part of that might be my own fault. I don't know why, but I was So Freaking Exhausted today. I made it thru church okay. Mostly because I was filling in for Primary pianist, which kind of requires me to stay awake. But post-church has been rough. I full on fell asleep this afternoon while making flash cards for my Pharmacy class. Yep. It was that bad. I pulled out the Diet Coke. Hopefully it won't suddenly kick in with a vengence. I didn't drink any past 6:00, so I think I should be okay.
Lindsey and I always try to make it our goal to "make it" to 9:00 before we cave in to our old lady tendencies and go to bed. But by 7:00, we were dead. So we decided to take a walk. We took a nice hour long walk. It was pleasant weather, with the exception of all the smoke in the air. And it killed an hour!
Anyway, I'm definitely tired, but sometimes my brain prevents me from getting to sleep. So I am trying to preempt that with this post.
I desperately need to memorize my Scarlet Pimpernel music. It's really difficult to practice as much as I'd like with roommates. I don't like feeling like I'm bothering people. And since I'm singing Alto/2nd Soprano in this show, I need to sit at the piano a little more than I might normally so I can make sure I'm singing the right notes. I have a few days off from rehearsal this week, so I'm going to try to get that all done this week.
On Friday, one of my days off from rehearsal, I'm going to see Angie in "9 to 5 The Musical" out at Hale. I'm pretty excited about it.
I don't keep Balance Sheets for my life. I just assume that eventually the good, the bad, the ugly, the awesome, it will all balance out. Eventually.
I'm excited to start back playing at the University of Utah this week. I've cleared out binders and I'm ready to go. I haven't played a lot of hard musical theater stuff this summer, so I'm a little worried I'm going to rusty. But I'm sure it won't take long to get back into the swing of things(I hope).
Taking a more passive approach to Facebook has been good for my sanity. I've been much more content with life. And I've felt a lot fewer urges to punch people in the face.
I think I might be a tad too intense. I know. Brand new information. Maybe I take myself too seriously. I know I have incredibly high expectations for myself. I just don't see it changing anytime soon. What has led me to see this in myself again? Oh. You know. I go to school and I'm the quiet kid who sits and studies dutifully and wants to throw things at people when they talk while I'm trying to take a test. I just don't think some of the conversations that happen in the classroom are necessary. And it's not like I'm opposed to a little relaxation. I'm just a very focused person. And I know not everyone is. And then I go to rehearsal. And I must have quite the expression on my face when I'm learning choreography or music because I've had multiple people come up and make comment to me about not looking so sad or smiling or having fun etc. I'm not an unfun person....right? I like to have fun and get to know my castmates. But not at the expense of the production. I just don't do anything half way. And I like to give it my best effort every single time. And in the beginning, especially, that takes more effort and focus. The cast is great. Just sometimes they're a little more social than I would like. I know, it's not like that's hard. I'm not Madame Social Butterfly. I just feel like there's a time and a place for all the jabbering and the process could really be streamlined. I know. I just need to chill out. I am aware that it's my issue.
As a side note, it's been about a year since Sleepy Hollow started rehearsals. We're approaching the year mark since my trip to Disney World. And that means other important dates are coming up. I'll be thirty in less than 2 months. I've come to terms with it. I'm not like super excited, but I don't think I'll end the evening in a drunken stupor. And of course it's coming up on a year since that the divorce process started. Because of this and my upcoming birthday, I've been thinking a lot about how this last year has been going. It's definitely different than any other year of my life. Very different. I would never in a thousand years imagined some of the experiences I've had. But I needed them.
Which leads me to my next thought...Heavenly Father has everything under control. He knows where you need to be. And even when you're stubborn and stupid and take the long route, he still makes sure you get there. And so even when things are rough and I'm frustrated that I'm not where I'd like to be, I know that if it's where I'm supposed to be, I'll get there eventually. I can't control everything that happens around me. I can't control all the choices that people make. But I have faith that Heavenly Father has it covered. What's meant to be, will be. Sometimes it takes longer than we'd like. Sometimes we even have that feeling that it will be a long road. That doesn't always make it easier. I know from experience that things turn out the way they're supposed to. While it still breaks my heart a little(okay a lot) that I don't get to be a mom, I know it's what had to be. And I think it gave me some of the tools I needed to deal with the divorce and being single again.
I still get frustrated. There are things I want so badly. Things I know it's not wrong to want. Things, in fact, that I SHOULD want. And other people have them and take them for granted and whine and complain and neglect their precious responsibilities. And it makes me so angry when I would give up all of my so-called "freedom" as a single woman to have those commitments they are so "burdened" with. And I feel left behind. I feel sometimes like everyone is getting to move on with their life and I'm being left in a Groundhog's Day type scenario, forced to repeat the same lonely moments over and over.
But I'm up to the challenge. Everyday is a new adventure. And I'm not afraid of what might lay ahead. I'm so used to working so hard for everything in my life, that things being difficult don't even phase me anymore. And isn't the things we work the hardest for, that we appreciate and love and treasure the most? Some things are just worth waiting and working for. And if there's anything I've learned how to do from my life experiences, it's how to wait and work. And I definitely don't know how to quit.
Phew. Hopefully that emptied out enough of the weighty items that I'll be able to drift off to happy thoughts and lovely dreams in no time at all.
Part of that might be my own fault. I don't know why, but I was So Freaking Exhausted today. I made it thru church okay. Mostly because I was filling in for Primary pianist, which kind of requires me to stay awake. But post-church has been rough. I full on fell asleep this afternoon while making flash cards for my Pharmacy class. Yep. It was that bad. I pulled out the Diet Coke. Hopefully it won't suddenly kick in with a vengence. I didn't drink any past 6:00, so I think I should be okay.
Lindsey and I always try to make it our goal to "make it" to 9:00 before we cave in to our old lady tendencies and go to bed. But by 7:00, we were dead. So we decided to take a walk. We took a nice hour long walk. It was pleasant weather, with the exception of all the smoke in the air. And it killed an hour!
Anyway, I'm definitely tired, but sometimes my brain prevents me from getting to sleep. So I am trying to preempt that with this post.
I desperately need to memorize my Scarlet Pimpernel music. It's really difficult to practice as much as I'd like with roommates. I don't like feeling like I'm bothering people. And since I'm singing Alto/2nd Soprano in this show, I need to sit at the piano a little more than I might normally so I can make sure I'm singing the right notes. I have a few days off from rehearsal this week, so I'm going to try to get that all done this week.
On Friday, one of my days off from rehearsal, I'm going to see Angie in "9 to 5 The Musical" out at Hale. I'm pretty excited about it.
I don't keep Balance Sheets for my life. I just assume that eventually the good, the bad, the ugly, the awesome, it will all balance out. Eventually.
I'm excited to start back playing at the University of Utah this week. I've cleared out binders and I'm ready to go. I haven't played a lot of hard musical theater stuff this summer, so I'm a little worried I'm going to rusty. But I'm sure it won't take long to get back into the swing of things(I hope).
Taking a more passive approach to Facebook has been good for my sanity. I've been much more content with life. And I've felt a lot fewer urges to punch people in the face.
I think I might be a tad too intense. I know. Brand new information. Maybe I take myself too seriously. I know I have incredibly high expectations for myself. I just don't see it changing anytime soon. What has led me to see this in myself again? Oh. You know. I go to school and I'm the quiet kid who sits and studies dutifully and wants to throw things at people when they talk while I'm trying to take a test. I just don't think some of the conversations that happen in the classroom are necessary. And it's not like I'm opposed to a little relaxation. I'm just a very focused person. And I know not everyone is. And then I go to rehearsal. And I must have quite the expression on my face when I'm learning choreography or music because I've had multiple people come up and make comment to me about not looking so sad or smiling or having fun etc. I'm not an unfun person....right? I like to have fun and get to know my castmates. But not at the expense of the production. I just don't do anything half way. And I like to give it my best effort every single time. And in the beginning, especially, that takes more effort and focus. The cast is great. Just sometimes they're a little more social than I would like. I know, it's not like that's hard. I'm not Madame Social Butterfly. I just feel like there's a time and a place for all the jabbering and the process could really be streamlined. I know. I just need to chill out. I am aware that it's my issue.
As a side note, it's been about a year since Sleepy Hollow started rehearsals. We're approaching the year mark since my trip to Disney World. And that means other important dates are coming up. I'll be thirty in less than 2 months. I've come to terms with it. I'm not like super excited, but I don't think I'll end the evening in a drunken stupor. And of course it's coming up on a year since that the divorce process started. Because of this and my upcoming birthday, I've been thinking a lot about how this last year has been going. It's definitely different than any other year of my life. Very different. I would never in a thousand years imagined some of the experiences I've had. But I needed them.
Which leads me to my next thought...Heavenly Father has everything under control. He knows where you need to be. And even when you're stubborn and stupid and take the long route, he still makes sure you get there. And so even when things are rough and I'm frustrated that I'm not where I'd like to be, I know that if it's where I'm supposed to be, I'll get there eventually. I can't control everything that happens around me. I can't control all the choices that people make. But I have faith that Heavenly Father has it covered. What's meant to be, will be. Sometimes it takes longer than we'd like. Sometimes we even have that feeling that it will be a long road. That doesn't always make it easier. I know from experience that things turn out the way they're supposed to. While it still breaks my heart a little(okay a lot) that I don't get to be a mom, I know it's what had to be. And I think it gave me some of the tools I needed to deal with the divorce and being single again.
I still get frustrated. There are things I want so badly. Things I know it's not wrong to want. Things, in fact, that I SHOULD want. And other people have them and take them for granted and whine and complain and neglect their precious responsibilities. And it makes me so angry when I would give up all of my so-called "freedom" as a single woman to have those commitments they are so "burdened" with. And I feel left behind. I feel sometimes like everyone is getting to move on with their life and I'm being left in a Groundhog's Day type scenario, forced to repeat the same lonely moments over and over.
But I'm up to the challenge. Everyday is a new adventure. And I'm not afraid of what might lay ahead. I'm so used to working so hard for everything in my life, that things being difficult don't even phase me anymore. And isn't the things we work the hardest for, that we appreciate and love and treasure the most? Some things are just worth waiting and working for. And if there's anything I've learned how to do from my life experiences, it's how to wait and work. And I definitely don't know how to quit.
Phew. Hopefully that emptied out enough of the weighty items that I'll be able to drift off to happy thoughts and lovely dreams in no time at all.
Friday, August 17, 2012
It's About to Get Political
On Facebook, I avoid political ranting like the plague. It's not that I'm not political. I mean, come on kids, I have a minor in politics. I do NOT however, like 1) arguing for the sake of arguing or 2) fighting losing battles or 3) alienating people because once every 4 years we all lose the ability to play well with each other and acknowledge that people are different and thus have different opinions.
However, this is MY blog. So I can do whatever I want.
That being said, this is not a bash *insert candidate name here* ad or a *insert candidate name* can do no wrong promo.
I feel very strongly that people need to prepare themselves for the voting process. I'd like to hope that most of you have at least passively kept tabs on things up to this point. But now that we pretty much have confirmed tickets on both Democrat and Republican sides, it's time to get serious.
First things first: Make sure you're registered. I thought that I had done that when I changed my drivers license, but apparently not. So I've got to get on top of that myself. And of course, make sure you know where you're assigned to vote. Know what district you are in so you can be aware of the other items and people on the ballot, not just the "big" ticket items.
I am a firm believer that people should be informed on issues. Now, trying to keep up with every minute detail of every issue that might come up in passing during election season is probably more than most people really want to deal with. But at least take a look at economic policy, foreign policy and other policies that may impact you. For example, if you're on Medicare, you're gonna want to know candidate's plans for that. If you are struggling in the job area, please be aware of how candidates propose to create jobs. And so on and so forth depending on your personal situation. I'm saying at the very MINIMUM you should know what is going on with policies that might effect you directly. Due to the nature of the beast that is Washington, Politics and the United States Government, it's likely that more will impact you than you think, but for starters, pick a handful of topics to research.
I prefer a broad overview of everything. If there are specific policies that tickle my fancy, intrigue me or I believe have a particular application to me, I delve a little deeper. But when it comes time for Presidential debates, I like to have a general idea of what is going on, over all. But that's just me.
Now. When you do your research please Please PLEASE look at a variety of sources. Writing unbiased in politics is very difficult to do. Everyone has an agenda and the media excels and adding crap to the pot, so to speak. I think life is difficult enough without someone creating problems, but I guess that's why I'm not in politics or media. What I'm saying is that what you read in, say the Huffington Post articles is going to vary greatly from say Fox News (and yes I'm aware of the extremes I just picked. I did it on purpose to demonstrate a point). All I'm saying is, look at a variety of sources and a variety of viewpoints. A single article is not going to give you enough information about anything.
Look at the candidate's policy histories. Look at their personal histories. And please keep in mind that politicians are A) Not going to solve all the world's problems and B) Going to say what they need to in order to get elected and C) Have staff that know how to "spin" everything.
One last thing as I ease off my soapbox for the night. Remember that not everyone has the same priorities that you do. Not everyone thinks and analyzes and emphasizes the same things that you do. Even if you're the same religion or go to the same gym or own the same make and model of car. It's okay to be different. And remember that, eventhough you don't agree with the sign in your neighbor's yard or think that your friend is narrow-minded, after November, you're probably going to see them again and want to be friends. Don't be so arrogant as to think your way of thinking is the only way of thinking. Even within parties, people don't always get along. Don't stoop to name calling and belittling. Remember what we learn in Kindergarten.
And... If you don't vote, you don't get to complain. Seriously. If you can't even get your butt to a voting booth to exercise your American Privelege to vote, I don't want to hear it. I don't care what state you live in and whether or not you think your vote "counts". Take part in the Election process or keep your mouth shut.
Okay. I'm done. See how I did that and you're all still friends with me? Right....?
However, this is MY blog. So I can do whatever I want.
That being said, this is not a bash *insert candidate name here* ad or a *insert candidate name* can do no wrong promo.
I feel very strongly that people need to prepare themselves for the voting process. I'd like to hope that most of you have at least passively kept tabs on things up to this point. But now that we pretty much have confirmed tickets on both Democrat and Republican sides, it's time to get serious.
First things first: Make sure you're registered. I thought that I had done that when I changed my drivers license, but apparently not. So I've got to get on top of that myself. And of course, make sure you know where you're assigned to vote. Know what district you are in so you can be aware of the other items and people on the ballot, not just the "big" ticket items.
I am a firm believer that people should be informed on issues. Now, trying to keep up with every minute detail of every issue that might come up in passing during election season is probably more than most people really want to deal with. But at least take a look at economic policy, foreign policy and other policies that may impact you. For example, if you're on Medicare, you're gonna want to know candidate's plans for that. If you are struggling in the job area, please be aware of how candidates propose to create jobs. And so on and so forth depending on your personal situation. I'm saying at the very MINIMUM you should know what is going on with policies that might effect you directly. Due to the nature of the beast that is Washington, Politics and the United States Government, it's likely that more will impact you than you think, but for starters, pick a handful of topics to research.
I prefer a broad overview of everything. If there are specific policies that tickle my fancy, intrigue me or I believe have a particular application to me, I delve a little deeper. But when it comes time for Presidential debates, I like to have a general idea of what is going on, over all. But that's just me.
Now. When you do your research please Please PLEASE look at a variety of sources. Writing unbiased in politics is very difficult to do. Everyone has an agenda and the media excels and adding crap to the pot, so to speak. I think life is difficult enough without someone creating problems, but I guess that's why I'm not in politics or media. What I'm saying is that what you read in, say the Huffington Post articles is going to vary greatly from say Fox News (and yes I'm aware of the extremes I just picked. I did it on purpose to demonstrate a point). All I'm saying is, look at a variety of sources and a variety of viewpoints. A single article is not going to give you enough information about anything.
Look at the candidate's policy histories. Look at their personal histories. And please keep in mind that politicians are A) Not going to solve all the world's problems and B) Going to say what they need to in order to get elected and C) Have staff that know how to "spin" everything.
One last thing as I ease off my soapbox for the night. Remember that not everyone has the same priorities that you do. Not everyone thinks and analyzes and emphasizes the same things that you do. Even if you're the same religion or go to the same gym or own the same make and model of car. It's okay to be different. And remember that, eventhough you don't agree with the sign in your neighbor's yard or think that your friend is narrow-minded, after November, you're probably going to see them again and want to be friends. Don't be so arrogant as to think your way of thinking is the only way of thinking. Even within parties, people don't always get along. Don't stoop to name calling and belittling. Remember what we learn in Kindergarten.
And... If you don't vote, you don't get to complain. Seriously. If you can't even get your butt to a voting booth to exercise your American Privelege to vote, I don't want to hear it. I don't care what state you live in and whether or not you think your vote "counts". Take part in the Election process or keep your mouth shut.
Okay. I'm done. See how I did that and you're all still friends with me? Right....?
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Shall We Be Random? Yes, Yes, I Think We Shall.
Kelly Clarkson is trying to convince you that "What doesn't kill you makes you Stronger." But I propose there's another option "What doesn't kill you makes you more vulnerable to the next attack."
Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night is rarely a good idea. Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night and realizing you don't have a rolling pin...even worse. THEN you get the "brilliant" idea to use one of those big church cannery cans. And it's extra moist out because of the humidity...blah! AND you have the stroke of genius to make your cinnamon rolls in cupcake papers and pans so they're easier to transport and eat at rehearsal tomorrow. It was a HOT MESS in my kitchen (although, still less of a mess than anytime that certain roommate bakes) tonight. My Cast-mates had better appreciate and love these cinnamon rolls!
Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night is still a better idea than putting together your new desk at 10:00 at night. That one will have to wait until tomorrow.
Most of the time, I can convince myself that I can survive the next 50+ years (probably closer to 60+ years considering the awesome genes in the family) without a husband. I mean, really, a lot of things are pretty much the same. I still take care of the budget and the bills, there's just less to work with...on both ends, so that's good. I still cook and clean. I still do laundry. I still grocery shop. I still shop on sale. I still do a lot of the things I did before. But I don't have to share a bed and listen to anyone snore. And I don't have to check in with anyone before I make plans. I don't have to accomodate another person with my cooking. I don't have to deal with in-laws. However, I do have to be the bread-winner. I don't mind working, especially since I know it's a necessity. I don't have anyone else to rely on or lean on in times of crisis. I don't have anyone to pick up the slack when I get really stressed out. I don't have anyone to sit and help me put furniture together or make cinnamon rolls with at 10:00 at night.
I just killed the third giant spider of the day. It is NOT okay. I can deal with the occassional creepy-crawly in the house. But 3 GIANT ones in a single day? I might not sleep tonight. Is it inappropriate to pray for a spider incident-free night? And I'll definitely be spraying the house with bug spray tomorrow. Apparently with the draught, we should all be expecting to see more of the precious little darlings. *shudder*
Jaw tension is the bane of my existence right now. Apparently, with all the stress of the last couple years, I've been clenching my jaw while I sleep AND now that I'm aware of the problem, I catch myself doing it during the day too. And it is wreaking havoc with my singing. Now that I've caught on to the problem, I'm working to solve it. But it is HARD work! I wake up every morning and do jaw wiggling and loosening exercises. I look like a crazy person. And as I drive around singing, I make sure I'm keeping my jaw loose and if it starts to lock up, I sing while wiggling my jaw and sometimes my neck and shoulders. I probably look like I'm have a seizure. And I do my warm ups while wiggling my jaw. And if I catch myself clenching during the day, I wiggle my jaw. On the bright side, it seems to be helping. Now I just have to do it so much that it retrains my body and mind not to clench my jaw.
I am exhausted beyond description right now. And I really just want to go to sleep. But now that I just killed a giant spider in my room, I keep looking for more. It might be safer if I sleep in my car. They look like man-eating spiders. I don't know where they're coming from, but they better go to sleep outside. And tomorrow I'll take care of spraying all doors and windows etc so that they don't feel welcome. If I make it to tomorrow....
Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night is rarely a good idea. Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night and realizing you don't have a rolling pin...even worse. THEN you get the "brilliant" idea to use one of those big church cannery cans. And it's extra moist out because of the humidity...blah! AND you have the stroke of genius to make your cinnamon rolls in cupcake papers and pans so they're easier to transport and eat at rehearsal tomorrow. It was a HOT MESS in my kitchen (although, still less of a mess than anytime that certain roommate bakes) tonight. My Cast-mates had better appreciate and love these cinnamon rolls!
Making Cinnamon Rolls at 10:00 at night is still a better idea than putting together your new desk at 10:00 at night. That one will have to wait until tomorrow.
Most of the time, I can convince myself that I can survive the next 50+ years (probably closer to 60+ years considering the awesome genes in the family) without a husband. I mean, really, a lot of things are pretty much the same. I still take care of the budget and the bills, there's just less to work with...on both ends, so that's good. I still cook and clean. I still do laundry. I still grocery shop. I still shop on sale. I still do a lot of the things I did before. But I don't have to share a bed and listen to anyone snore. And I don't have to check in with anyone before I make plans. I don't have to accomodate another person with my cooking. I don't have to deal with in-laws. However, I do have to be the bread-winner. I don't mind working, especially since I know it's a necessity. I don't have anyone else to rely on or lean on in times of crisis. I don't have anyone to pick up the slack when I get really stressed out. I don't have anyone to sit and help me put furniture together or make cinnamon rolls with at 10:00 at night.
I just killed the third giant spider of the day. It is NOT okay. I can deal with the occassional creepy-crawly in the house. But 3 GIANT ones in a single day? I might not sleep tonight. Is it inappropriate to pray for a spider incident-free night? And I'll definitely be spraying the house with bug spray tomorrow. Apparently with the draught, we should all be expecting to see more of the precious little darlings. *shudder*
Jaw tension is the bane of my existence right now. Apparently, with all the stress of the last couple years, I've been clenching my jaw while I sleep AND now that I'm aware of the problem, I catch myself doing it during the day too. And it is wreaking havoc with my singing. Now that I've caught on to the problem, I'm working to solve it. But it is HARD work! I wake up every morning and do jaw wiggling and loosening exercises. I look like a crazy person. And as I drive around singing, I make sure I'm keeping my jaw loose and if it starts to lock up, I sing while wiggling my jaw and sometimes my neck and shoulders. I probably look like I'm have a seizure. And I do my warm ups while wiggling my jaw. And if I catch myself clenching during the day, I wiggle my jaw. On the bright side, it seems to be helping. Now I just have to do it so much that it retrains my body and mind not to clench my jaw.
I am exhausted beyond description right now. And I really just want to go to sleep. But now that I just killed a giant spider in my room, I keep looking for more. It might be safer if I sleep in my car. They look like man-eating spiders. I don't know where they're coming from, but they better go to sleep outside. And tomorrow I'll take care of spraying all doors and windows etc so that they don't feel welcome. If I make it to tomorrow....
Thursday, August 9, 2012
*Insert Olympic Fanfare Here*
I really love watching the Olympics. And I have been sadly deprived of the privilege for the most part this time around. And I am most displeased.
You see, a few weeks ago, I got amitious and pulled al the furniture out from the walls to vacuum and clean and such(fine. I found a giant spider and wanted to make sure he didn't have any friends). While I had the TV moved out, I tried hooking up the TV to the antenna. I don't think I got the cable on quite right. I oculd get a picture on the TV, but no sound. Of course, the antenna was giving me limited channels anyway... 4 and 13. And I never got around to having someone come and try to get things situated correctly. Part of it may be pride. I get pretty determined that I can do things by myself. And I get extra irritated with an Electronic device gets the best of me.
Anyway, because of this, I haven't watch much of the Olympics, just what I catch when I'm visit other people's houses. I feel kind of ripped off.
Truth be told, I REALLY love the Winter Olypmics. I always wanted to be a figure skater.
You see, a few weeks ago, I got amitious and pulled al the furniture out from the walls to vacuum and clean and such(fine. I found a giant spider and wanted to make sure he didn't have any friends). While I had the TV moved out, I tried hooking up the TV to the antenna. I don't think I got the cable on quite right. I oculd get a picture on the TV, but no sound. Of course, the antenna was giving me limited channels anyway... 4 and 13. And I never got around to having someone come and try to get things situated correctly. Part of it may be pride. I get pretty determined that I can do things by myself. And I get extra irritated with an Electronic device gets the best of me.
Anyway, because of this, I haven't watch much of the Olympics, just what I catch when I'm visit other people's houses. I feel kind of ripped off.
Truth be told, I REALLY love the Winter Olypmics. I always wanted to be a figure skater.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
I Guess You Learn Something New Everyday?
It just might not be what you think you're going to learn.
Today was my first day of my first official Pharmacy class. My Pharmacy Math class was actually in the Math Classroom, where as all my Pharmacy classes are held in Pharmacy Classroom. And while I learned a lot about the history of Pharmacy and some of the things that have changed over time (that was Module 1), I also learned a lot of other very um...valuable?...and um....useful?... information. I don't want to hoard all of this wisdom. I would feel just plain selfish. Allow me to share....
#1- That whole tolerance thing I'm working really hard on, particularly where it applies to my one roommate (whom I still want to kill, btw...but I haven't), is really going to be put to the test with some of the people in the Pharmacy Technician Program.
#2- On that note, I learned I am just one of those really intense, focused people. Okay. I already knew that. What I didn't necessarily know was that it was such a complete rarity. In my math class, I sat and did math homework for 6 hours. And while it got a little tedious and I started to see cross-eyed, not once did I wish I had someone to chat with. I don't like distractions.
#3- Which leads me to...growing up the oldest of 6 kids taught me how to tune out excess noise while I work. I can actually do it fairly effectively. Of course, it would be nicer if there weren't so many distractions.
#4- Dolly Parton has big boobs. WHAT?! This is brand new information! Oh wait. No it isn't. Not only did I already have this information, but one of my best friends is gearing up to play Dolly's character from 9 to 5 in "9 to 5 the Musical" out at Hale right now. And I've seen the padding it requires. Also, apparently the daughter of one of my classmates has a DDD cupsize. Really? Thanks for sharing...WHILE I'M TRYING TO TAKE A TEST!
#5- That whole "dress code" thing and "Professionalism" thing that was so heavily stressed in our Welcome to Pharmacy Technician-ing packet? Yeah apparently we don't enforce that. Good to know. Here I was concerned that I was going to go through sweatpant withdrawal. Clearly that's unnecessary pain I can now avoid. I mean, I won't wear sweatpants to class, but I guess it's always nice to know I could...and that someone will.
#6- My Pharmacy Tech teacher/advisor was 40 minutes late to class. At 15 after, someone came to unlock the door and let us in. Good thing I'm a self-starter, as it was my first day of class. I actually found her presence a little superfluous, actually.
#7- If you "teach"(and I use that word liberally seeing as all she has to do is grade tests and answer questions we might have) pharmacy at the DATC, it's best to be super familiar with all kinds of drugs.
#8- I am totally underqualified to be in this program. I do not take hands-fulls of prescription meds or even over-the-counters, if at all avoidable. I am not on anti-depressants. I do not have miscreant children. I did not get pregnant in high school and now have miscreant teenagers. I am, however, a divorced female. There are a lot of those in the program. Very bitter ones. With potty language. Which we were also instructed not to use as per our Code of Professional Conduct in the handout we were given. Silly me. I actually read mine.
#9- I don't think these people have ever met someone quite like me. Sorry kids. I'm not here to join your Angry Bitties club. And I have ZERO desire to discuss your kids going to the principal's office or your daughter's boyfriend or ANYONE'S boob-size. I'm here to take my classes, kick your butts on every test (seriously I get that we can take the test more than once. But why plan on taking in more than once? "Just take it and then you'll know what to study." Yeah. That's clearly how I function....NOT!), get certified and leave you all. I'd even use this as a stepping stone to Pharmacy School, if it didn't take so long and cost so much money. Oh. And I'm older than you think. Older than several of you, with your miscreant teenagers.
#10- I'm really grateful the kid with the Ukelele wasn't there today. I might have killed him.
See? Look at all the new things I learned today! But you know what? Not a one of them were on my test....which I passed the first time, thank you very much...with 100%.
Today was my first day of my first official Pharmacy class. My Pharmacy Math class was actually in the Math Classroom, where as all my Pharmacy classes are held in Pharmacy Classroom. And while I learned a lot about the history of Pharmacy and some of the things that have changed over time (that was Module 1), I also learned a lot of other very um...valuable?...and um....useful?... information. I don't want to hoard all of this wisdom. I would feel just plain selfish. Allow me to share....
#1- That whole tolerance thing I'm working really hard on, particularly where it applies to my one roommate (whom I still want to kill, btw...but I haven't), is really going to be put to the test with some of the people in the Pharmacy Technician Program.
#2- On that note, I learned I am just one of those really intense, focused people. Okay. I already knew that. What I didn't necessarily know was that it was such a complete rarity. In my math class, I sat and did math homework for 6 hours. And while it got a little tedious and I started to see cross-eyed, not once did I wish I had someone to chat with. I don't like distractions.
#3- Which leads me to...growing up the oldest of 6 kids taught me how to tune out excess noise while I work. I can actually do it fairly effectively. Of course, it would be nicer if there weren't so many distractions.
#4- Dolly Parton has big boobs. WHAT?! This is brand new information! Oh wait. No it isn't. Not only did I already have this information, but one of my best friends is gearing up to play Dolly's character from 9 to 5 in "9 to 5 the Musical" out at Hale right now. And I've seen the padding it requires. Also, apparently the daughter of one of my classmates has a DDD cupsize. Really? Thanks for sharing...WHILE I'M TRYING TO TAKE A TEST!
#5- That whole "dress code" thing and "Professionalism" thing that was so heavily stressed in our Welcome to Pharmacy Technician-ing packet? Yeah apparently we don't enforce that. Good to know. Here I was concerned that I was going to go through sweatpant withdrawal. Clearly that's unnecessary pain I can now avoid. I mean, I won't wear sweatpants to class, but I guess it's always nice to know I could...and that someone will.
#6- My Pharmacy Tech teacher/advisor was 40 minutes late to class. At 15 after, someone came to unlock the door and let us in. Good thing I'm a self-starter, as it was my first day of class. I actually found her presence a little superfluous, actually.
#7- If you "teach"(and I use that word liberally seeing as all she has to do is grade tests and answer questions we might have) pharmacy at the DATC, it's best to be super familiar with all kinds of drugs.
#8- I am totally underqualified to be in this program. I do not take hands-fulls of prescription meds or even over-the-counters, if at all avoidable. I am not on anti-depressants. I do not have miscreant children. I did not get pregnant in high school and now have miscreant teenagers. I am, however, a divorced female. There are a lot of those in the program. Very bitter ones. With potty language. Which we were also instructed not to use as per our Code of Professional Conduct in the handout we were given. Silly me. I actually read mine.
#9- I don't think these people have ever met someone quite like me. Sorry kids. I'm not here to join your Angry Bitties club. And I have ZERO desire to discuss your kids going to the principal's office or your daughter's boyfriend or ANYONE'S boob-size. I'm here to take my classes, kick your butts on every test (seriously I get that we can take the test more than once. But why plan on taking in more than once? "Just take it and then you'll know what to study." Yeah. That's clearly how I function....NOT!), get certified and leave you all. I'd even use this as a stepping stone to Pharmacy School, if it didn't take so long and cost so much money. Oh. And I'm older than you think. Older than several of you, with your miscreant teenagers.
#10- I'm really grateful the kid with the Ukelele wasn't there today. I might have killed him.
See? Look at all the new things I learned today! But you know what? Not a one of them were on my test....which I passed the first time, thank you very much...with 100%.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Drama Free Zone
This is a Drama-Free Zone!
(Imagine me saying the above while drawing a circle around me with my hands...it's a big circle)
I do not like to create drama for myself. I do not need other people's drama to be part of my life. And most importantly, do not create drama for me.
I did not like drama in Junior High. I did not like it in High School. And I definitely do not like it now that I'm 30 (nearly) and a grown up.
It is one of the big reasons I had a lot of guy friends growing up. Guys are WAY less drama (consistently) than girls. And if you tell them to just take it outside and fight to the death, they will. End of drama. Girls insist on dragging it on...and on...and on. And I have zero tolerance for it.
In case you're struggling with the concept...
Don't drag me into your problems and I won't drag you into mine. And certainly to do not try to create problems in my life. Trust me when I tell you I have more than I can already handle.
Okay. I'm stepping off my soapbox now. You can return to your regularly scheduled programming.
(Imagine me saying the above while drawing a circle around me with my hands...it's a big circle)
I do not like to create drama for myself. I do not need other people's drama to be part of my life. And most importantly, do not create drama for me.
I did not like drama in Junior High. I did not like it in High School. And I definitely do not like it now that I'm 30 (nearly) and a grown up.
It is one of the big reasons I had a lot of guy friends growing up. Guys are WAY less drama (consistently) than girls. And if you tell them to just take it outside and fight to the death, they will. End of drama. Girls insist on dragging it on...and on...and on. And I have zero tolerance for it.
In case you're struggling with the concept...
Don't drag me into your problems and I won't drag you into mine. And certainly to do not try to create problems in my life. Trust me when I tell you I have more than I can already handle.
Okay. I'm stepping off my soapbox now. You can return to your regularly scheduled programming.
Monday, August 6, 2012
I've Got Productivity Coming Out of My...
Well, you get the idea.
Let me give you a little snapshot of my day...
6:00 a.m.- Alarm goes off. I was enjoying some unusually good sleep so that was less than thrilling. But up I got and did a little early morning workout. Stretching for my Do the Splits goal (getting closer...I'd be closer still if I did my stretching consistently). Got ready for the day.
7:30 a.m.- Out the door, into the car and get some singing practicing done in the car on my way to the good old DATC. I'm pretty much the queen of multi-tasking.
8:00 a.m.- Class starts. I work through my last section of my math homework. I take my 4th test and...drumroll please... I pass with a 91%! Huzzah! This means I don't have to take the final. Soooo.
11:00 a.m. to Noon - I sit and wait in the unending line to get my next class set up. My next class is Intro to Pharmacy Technician and it's only a 15 hour class, which means I'll be done in a week. Oh yeah. Because I can only take 1 class at a time because of the MWF schedule I'm doing so that I can play at the University on Tuesdays and Thursday. Oh well. I'll still finish pretty efficiently. Unfortunately that means I continue to have the same class for 6 hours a day. Yucky.
Noon-ish- Go to the Bookstore and pick up a couple more things for the class I will be taking AFTER the Intro class. I know. I know. I'm an overachiever. But I have a long weekend because I don't have class on Friday ( I don't know why the DATC is closed Thursday and Friday, but it is) and so I want to make sure I have appropriate material to prepare. Yes. I'm that kid.
12:30 p.m.- Go to the bank. Nothing too exciting here. Just a deposit. Although, I do love putting money in the bank.
1:00 p.m. - Home. I start cleaning my room in preparation for what ends up being an out of control cleaning afternoon. You see, I came home from church yesterday to discover my roommate's mother (yes the roommate that drives me bonkers but I'm trying really hard to not get frustrated with) was staying with us and she'd brought a furry little rat with her. Okay. It was a dog. But still. It was some kind of long-haired ratty looking creature that made my eyes water just looking at it. And since A) it caught me off guard and B) I'm non-confrontational, I rushed upstairs, changed and then retreated before my allergies got worse or I killed someone/thing...or both. Anyway...because of the dog incident, I knew the house needed to be cleaned top to bottom to eliminate further allergen spreading. And since Bea had to work, Lindsey and I got right to it. She tackled the kitchen while I worked my OCD magic on the living room. I'm actually doing a lot better at the not having to have things super clean, but when it comes to the animal allergy issue, I am VERY thorough. It's either that or I suffocate. I even vacuumed the offending roommate's Dry Clean Only blanket. I didn't know what else to do and I certainly couldn't risk all the hair and dander transferring to the newly clean house. So we vacuumed and mopped and wiped and dusted the house top to bottom. And I did laundry. Then, we went to town on our bedrooms. I sorted and organized and...yeah I was on a ROLL! And all the while I did some more singing practicing. Seriously guys, my room is spotless. And I got all my laundry done.
6:00 p.m.- Yes we did 5 hours of cleaning. Dinner time for me. Lindsey and I sat down to enjoy dinner and a little Downton Abbey.
6:45 p.m.- Get ready and go to Centerpoint for rehearsal.
7:00 p.m.- 10:00 p.m.- Rehearsal We did some dancing today. I'm so excited to be in a show where I get to sing and dance...and you know, be on stage for more than 3.5 minutes. Unfortunately, I made another creeper friend. I need less stalker-like friends.
10:15 p.m.- Get home from Rehearsal. A little wind-down talk with Lindsey, pajama time, a little blogging, reload my T-Mobile monthly plan (stupid sales guy who said I couldn't do it online) and well, you're all caught up.
11:30ish p.m.- (That's about now) Go to sleep.
I mean, I should be exhausted. Aren't you just reading it all?
Let me give you a little snapshot of my day...
6:00 a.m.- Alarm goes off. I was enjoying some unusually good sleep so that was less than thrilling. But up I got and did a little early morning workout. Stretching for my Do the Splits goal (getting closer...I'd be closer still if I did my stretching consistently). Got ready for the day.
7:30 a.m.- Out the door, into the car and get some singing practicing done in the car on my way to the good old DATC. I'm pretty much the queen of multi-tasking.
8:00 a.m.- Class starts. I work through my last section of my math homework. I take my 4th test and...drumroll please... I pass with a 91%! Huzzah! This means I don't have to take the final. Soooo.
11:00 a.m. to Noon - I sit and wait in the unending line to get my next class set up. My next class is Intro to Pharmacy Technician and it's only a 15 hour class, which means I'll be done in a week. Oh yeah. Because I can only take 1 class at a time because of the MWF schedule I'm doing so that I can play at the University on Tuesdays and Thursday. Oh well. I'll still finish pretty efficiently. Unfortunately that means I continue to have the same class for 6 hours a day. Yucky.
Noon-ish- Go to the Bookstore and pick up a couple more things for the class I will be taking AFTER the Intro class. I know. I know. I'm an overachiever. But I have a long weekend because I don't have class on Friday ( I don't know why the DATC is closed Thursday and Friday, but it is) and so I want to make sure I have appropriate material to prepare. Yes. I'm that kid.
12:30 p.m.- Go to the bank. Nothing too exciting here. Just a deposit. Although, I do love putting money in the bank.
1:00 p.m. - Home. I start cleaning my room in preparation for what ends up being an out of control cleaning afternoon. You see, I came home from church yesterday to discover my roommate's mother (yes the roommate that drives me bonkers but I'm trying really hard to not get frustrated with) was staying with us and she'd brought a furry little rat with her. Okay. It was a dog. But still. It was some kind of long-haired ratty looking creature that made my eyes water just looking at it. And since A) it caught me off guard and B) I'm non-confrontational, I rushed upstairs, changed and then retreated before my allergies got worse or I killed someone/thing...or both. Anyway...because of the dog incident, I knew the house needed to be cleaned top to bottom to eliminate further allergen spreading. And since Bea had to work, Lindsey and I got right to it. She tackled the kitchen while I worked my OCD magic on the living room. I'm actually doing a lot better at the not having to have things super clean, but when it comes to the animal allergy issue, I am VERY thorough. It's either that or I suffocate. I even vacuumed the offending roommate's Dry Clean Only blanket. I didn't know what else to do and I certainly couldn't risk all the hair and dander transferring to the newly clean house. So we vacuumed and mopped and wiped and dusted the house top to bottom. And I did laundry. Then, we went to town on our bedrooms. I sorted and organized and...yeah I was on a ROLL! And all the while I did some more singing practicing. Seriously guys, my room is spotless. And I got all my laundry done.
6:00 p.m.- Yes we did 5 hours of cleaning. Dinner time for me. Lindsey and I sat down to enjoy dinner and a little Downton Abbey.
6:45 p.m.- Get ready and go to Centerpoint for rehearsal.
7:00 p.m.- 10:00 p.m.- Rehearsal We did some dancing today. I'm so excited to be in a show where I get to sing and dance...and you know, be on stage for more than 3.5 minutes. Unfortunately, I made another creeper friend. I need less stalker-like friends.
10:15 p.m.- Get home from Rehearsal. A little wind-down talk with Lindsey, pajama time, a little blogging, reload my T-Mobile monthly plan (stupid sales guy who said I couldn't do it online) and well, you're all caught up.
11:30ish p.m.- (That's about now) Go to sleep.
I mean, I should be exhausted. Aren't you just reading it all?
Merci Beaucoup
I once told my Ex, during one of our many discussions on his belief system those last 2 years, that I thought it was the height of hubris to believe that everything good that happens to you is your own doing.
It doesn't matter if you believe in God or any higher power, or not, it doesn't make my point any less true.
How arrogant do you really have to be to think that every good thing that happens in your life is a direct result of your basic awesomeness and has nothing to do with anything anyone else did?
I know that I absolutely would not be where I am without the support, assistance, recommendation, teaching, love, encouragement, service etc of so many others. And I'm incredibly grateful.
Which leads me to the point of this blog post. I've been thinking a lot about my various relationships, family and friends, and I've realized what is lacking in the less than stellar ones. It's really quite simple, which is probably one of the reasons that we allow it to fall by the wayside so easily and often without really noticing. It's just two simple words: Thank You.
Before you scoff and think I'm over-simplifying, stop and think about it for a minute. In your relationships that are kind of struggling...are you feeling lazy, like it needs a bit of a caffine boost or something? Do you just kind of hum-drum through whatever conversation or activity you're doing and then that's it? Does it feel a little forced even? And are you easily frustrated with that person?
Now I want you to think about what would happen if you started saying Thank You. Chances are that you think you're saying it more than you actually are. I'm telling you, these two words, that we insist our small children learn and always catch them when they don't, are the magic words that will turn relationships from tedious to tremendous.
If you start expressing your appreciation, even or rather ESPECIALLY for small and simple things, you'll notice that you'll want to do things in return and that they will also pick up on it and reciprocate. They're start expressing their gratitude and doing more acts of kindness for you. Because really, I think we all want to help each other be happy. And I know that I always feel so much more helpful and important to a person when they notice the kind and generous things I do because I want to. And then I'm more likely to want to do more to make their life easier.
Conversely, if I feel like I'm being taken for granted and my thoughtful gestures go unnoticed, well, honestly, I still continue to try to help (I totally will let myself be taken advantage of...yeah spread that around...wink wink), but I'll do it begrudgingly and be a little bitter about it. I definitely won't continue to do it in the spirit in which it should be done.
Anyway, I challenge you to give this a go. Just add a few more thank you's into your relationships and notice how much brighter and easier they are.
(Also, please note how I'm practicing my French)
It doesn't matter if you believe in God or any higher power, or not, it doesn't make my point any less true.
How arrogant do you really have to be to think that every good thing that happens in your life is a direct result of your basic awesomeness and has nothing to do with anything anyone else did?
I know that I absolutely would not be where I am without the support, assistance, recommendation, teaching, love, encouragement, service etc of so many others. And I'm incredibly grateful.
Which leads me to the point of this blog post. I've been thinking a lot about my various relationships, family and friends, and I've realized what is lacking in the less than stellar ones. It's really quite simple, which is probably one of the reasons that we allow it to fall by the wayside so easily and often without really noticing. It's just two simple words: Thank You.
Before you scoff and think I'm over-simplifying, stop and think about it for a minute. In your relationships that are kind of struggling...are you feeling lazy, like it needs a bit of a caffine boost or something? Do you just kind of hum-drum through whatever conversation or activity you're doing and then that's it? Does it feel a little forced even? And are you easily frustrated with that person?
Now I want you to think about what would happen if you started saying Thank You. Chances are that you think you're saying it more than you actually are. I'm telling you, these two words, that we insist our small children learn and always catch them when they don't, are the magic words that will turn relationships from tedious to tremendous.
If you start expressing your appreciation, even or rather ESPECIALLY for small and simple things, you'll notice that you'll want to do things in return and that they will also pick up on it and reciprocate. They're start expressing their gratitude and doing more acts of kindness for you. Because really, I think we all want to help each other be happy. And I know that I always feel so much more helpful and important to a person when they notice the kind and generous things I do because I want to. And then I'm more likely to want to do more to make their life easier.
Conversely, if I feel like I'm being taken for granted and my thoughtful gestures go unnoticed, well, honestly, I still continue to try to help (I totally will let myself be taken advantage of...yeah spread that around...wink wink), but I'll do it begrudgingly and be a little bitter about it. I definitely won't continue to do it in the spirit in which it should be done.
Anyway, I challenge you to give this a go. Just add a few more thank you's into your relationships and notice how much brighter and easier they are.
(Also, please note how I'm practicing my French)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
My Favorite Things...Yeah I've Got More
I have some new favorite things in life. And since this is my blog, and I can write whatever I want, I'm going to share them. Maybe they're not life-changing for you, but keep in mind that each of these things has changed me in some way.
#1- Pharmacy Technician School- I really like to be challenged. I like to be pushed. It's the kind of environment in which I thrive. And Pharmacy is something so different than anything I've ever pursued. But you know what? I'm good at it. That's not to say that I don't have to work at it. I do. But working hard at something doesn't bother me. Give me a challenge, please. I love a good challenge.
#2- "If Only" From The Little Mermaid, the musical- I'm working on a "Role Study" right now. When you do a Role Study, you learn all the songs that a specific character sings in the show and stuff. So I'm learning Ariel's songs from the musical. This particular song is a Quartet with Ariel, Prince Eric, Sebastian and King Triton. And I really love it. I think it's partially because I feel like I don't always have to voice I need to communicate things to people. I try to let them know in different ways, but I'm not always great at using my words. And Ariel's plea "If Only" Eric knew the things she wishes she could say, strikes home with me in so many aspects of my life. If you're unfamiliar, I suggest you find it an listen to it. Maybe it's not your cup of tea, but I love it.
#3- Truly Great Parents- I have really awesome parents. Not only are they being supportive of the fairly crazy ideas I've had this summer(last minute 80 hour road trip anyone? Impulsively going to Pharmacy School? Showing up at their house at a late hour in tears from a stress-induced breakdown?), they taught me excellent life skills that come in very handy. In order to continue doing the things that I love (music) and pay for school, I'm definitely using my budgeting skills they taught me and really appreciative of all the saving money lessons they instilled in us growing up. This means I know that, at the very least, all of my schooling can be covered by my savings. But since I'm still scheduling work at the University of Utah and anywhwere else I can squeeze it in (also thank to the parents teaching me to work my way through life), it shouldn't have to be. For that and so many things, they get to make the Favorite Things list.
#4- My New Pictures- I know I already mentioned how much I love them. But seriously. They're amazing! And I promise to share some more with you soon.
#5- Agency- My Truly Great Parents always drilled Agency and Consequences into our heads. I understand that I make choices. And when I make choices, I have consequences. Cause and Effect people. This should not be a foreign concept. What seems to be foreign for some people is that you not only have to accept the good effects, but you have to accept the bad ones too. I have absolutely no problem accepting responsbility for my actions. In fact, as you might have gathered from previous posts, I have a tendency to accept responsibility for other people's actions too. But sometimes, I forget that when I'm suffering the ill effects of something, I have a choice to make it stop. In the spirit of that, I'm taking a break from Facebook. It's app is getting deleted off my phone. And since I don't have 24/7 access to my computer, I won't be nearly as tempted to visit. I just get frustrated that whenever I'm bored, I feel like I should check facebook, like that's going to solve my boredom. It doesn't. Particularly not when I'm bored every 3 minutes, so nothing really has time to change. The new goal is no more than once a day. And I won't be posting, unless it's pictures through Instagram. I'm trying really hard not to judge people or get frustrated with people and Facebook makes those things REALLY difficult.
I think for tonight, that's all the Favorite Things I'll share. They're really in no particular order, just as they popped into my head.
Now I'm headed back to studying for what should be my final Pharmacy Math test tomorrow morning. Then I get to register for new classes. I'm pretty excited to not spend 6 hours a day working on math.
#1- Pharmacy Technician School- I really like to be challenged. I like to be pushed. It's the kind of environment in which I thrive. And Pharmacy is something so different than anything I've ever pursued. But you know what? I'm good at it. That's not to say that I don't have to work at it. I do. But working hard at something doesn't bother me. Give me a challenge, please. I love a good challenge.
#2- "If Only" From The Little Mermaid, the musical- I'm working on a "Role Study" right now. When you do a Role Study, you learn all the songs that a specific character sings in the show and stuff. So I'm learning Ariel's songs from the musical. This particular song is a Quartet with Ariel, Prince Eric, Sebastian and King Triton. And I really love it. I think it's partially because I feel like I don't always have to voice I need to communicate things to people. I try to let them know in different ways, but I'm not always great at using my words. And Ariel's plea "If Only" Eric knew the things she wishes she could say, strikes home with me in so many aspects of my life. If you're unfamiliar, I suggest you find it an listen to it. Maybe it's not your cup of tea, but I love it.
#3- Truly Great Parents- I have really awesome parents. Not only are they being supportive of the fairly crazy ideas I've had this summer(last minute 80 hour road trip anyone? Impulsively going to Pharmacy School? Showing up at their house at a late hour in tears from a stress-induced breakdown?), they taught me excellent life skills that come in very handy. In order to continue doing the things that I love (music) and pay for school, I'm definitely using my budgeting skills they taught me and really appreciative of all the saving money lessons they instilled in us growing up. This means I know that, at the very least, all of my schooling can be covered by my savings. But since I'm still scheduling work at the University of Utah and anywhwere else I can squeeze it in (also thank to the parents teaching me to work my way through life), it shouldn't have to be. For that and so many things, they get to make the Favorite Things list.
#4- My New Pictures- I know I already mentioned how much I love them. But seriously. They're amazing! And I promise to share some more with you soon.
#5- Agency- My Truly Great Parents always drilled Agency and Consequences into our heads. I understand that I make choices. And when I make choices, I have consequences. Cause and Effect people. This should not be a foreign concept. What seems to be foreign for some people is that you not only have to accept the good effects, but you have to accept the bad ones too. I have absolutely no problem accepting responsbility for my actions. In fact, as you might have gathered from previous posts, I have a tendency to accept responsibility for other people's actions too. But sometimes, I forget that when I'm suffering the ill effects of something, I have a choice to make it stop. In the spirit of that, I'm taking a break from Facebook. It's app is getting deleted off my phone. And since I don't have 24/7 access to my computer, I won't be nearly as tempted to visit. I just get frustrated that whenever I'm bored, I feel like I should check facebook, like that's going to solve my boredom. It doesn't. Particularly not when I'm bored every 3 minutes, so nothing really has time to change. The new goal is no more than once a day. And I won't be posting, unless it's pictures through Instagram. I'm trying really hard not to judge people or get frustrated with people and Facebook makes those things REALLY difficult.
I think for tonight, that's all the Favorite Things I'll share. They're really in no particular order, just as they popped into my head.
Now I'm headed back to studying for what should be my final Pharmacy Math test tomorrow morning. Then I get to register for new classes. I'm pretty excited to not spend 6 hours a day working on math.
Tolerance, Blame and Forgiveness
I've had a lot of kind of heavy topics bouncing around in my head for, well a couple months now. I think it's because as I look back on where I was a year ago, I can't help to feel a everything all over again. I know we're still a couple months out from when I actually left, but things were set in motion, like unstopable bullet train motion, in May of 2011. At least, that's about where I can trace The Point of No Return to. And everything is kind of compounded by the fact that tomorrow (August 6) would have been our 9 year anniversary.
Remembering the events of last summer, the snowball effect and the effects one man's choices had on my life and many others, has caused me a lot of angst the last few months. I've had to wrestle a lot internally and I know it has caused a lot of the stress and anxiety that I've suffered the last bit.
Pardon me while I go back in time a bit so you better understand where this post is coming from.
When I came home from the Girls Disneyland trip in May 2011, he had decided to stop wearing his garments. He never told me. But I was the one who did his laundry, so obviously I noticed. And it made me sick to my stomach. And considering the flu bug that had plagued the Disneyland trip, I had an easy excuse to him for not feeling well. I suffered fairly silently for a few weeks, but I realized quickly, that a decision was going to have to be made. A family picture, family reunion, planning for a Disney World trip and many other things were coming up.
Please understand that while I can express myself fairly effectively through the written word, confrontation face-to-face is very difficult for me. And this is particularly true with delicate topics very close to my heart. I have a tendency to cry when I feel like I'm being attacked or blamed or anything like that. So I decided to write him a letter. The thing is, I had kind of seen the signs before I left and I had left him one note for everyday I was gone on the trip, hidden through the house, telling him different reasons I loved and appreciated him, and one very vulnerable letter detailing my concerns about some of his life decisions. And then he went and did what he wanted anyway.
I wasn't sure that another letter was going to do anything, but I felt like this time, he needed to understand the new potential consequences that I was starting to see. I told him that while we hadn't to this point considered divorce, it was something we could no longer ignore as a possiblity. We had become too different and wanted very different things out of our lives and the lives of any children we might bring to family. I expressed my heartbreak at all the promises he had made me when we first got married, that he would no longer, if he continued down this path, be able to fulfill.
I found this letter on my computer in May when I was working on cleaning somethings off. When I read it, I realized how much he truly did not want to be with me. I had given him every chance to try to be with me. I had tried to be fairly tolerant of his new views and had given him plenty of time and space to explore things. But I always made it very clear that the path he was choosing was not an option for me.
From about the time I got home from California until I moved out in October, I slept downstairs on the sectional. I claimed it was because it was so much cooler downstairs and I slept better. Both of which are true. But it was more than that.
I knew from that point in June, with the letter, and his lack of enthusiasm to try to keep me, that divorce was inevitable. But it just never seemed to be the right time. And somehow I felt that if I told him the marriage would need to come to an end, I would be the one to blame. After all, I asked for it, right? At that point I couldn't think of all the chances I had given him; all the different ways I had tried to be supportive and encouraging and loving. All I could think of was that I was a horrible person for not understanding or accepting him and ultimately it was my fault the marriage couldn't work.
Even when the fateful day finally arrived, and he just let me go without much of a fight, I still felt like it was my fault. And what's worse, he allowed and encouraged that thinking in our future interactions. Somehow I was the one who ruined his life.
I went through quite the cycle. And as the days, weeks and months went by, I went back and forth between guilt for being the one to initiate the divorce, to anger over the fact that he didn't fight it but still wanted to play the victim, to anger at him for his decisions and the fact that he didn't seem to be suffering consequences while I was starting over, basically from scratch. In so many ways, where I am now, is strikingly similar to where I was 10 years ago. Except that now I'm 10 years older and that makes everything a little more complicated. PLUS, I get frustrated that I've already been through this part of life. And then I feel guilty for being angry at him.
And occassionally, I hear or read stories that make me feel like I didn't try hard enough. Or if I'd really loved him, I would have stood by him. And I even feel like some people close to me think that I shouldn't have gotten a divorce or think I'm the one to blame. I know each situation is unique and I don't for one minute think that this could have ended any other way, especially knowing what I know now. But still. Sometimes things eat at me.
But just recently, a change happened. I realized I wasn't angry. I wasn't resentful. I was just, MEH. Whatever. He made his choices. What consequences he doesn't face in this life, he will face in the next. And it is unfortunate that I am having such a hard time adjusting to this new life, or that I even have to go through this at all. But that doesn't really change anything.
I'm not sure I've reach the point where I'm ready to 100% forgive him for all the pain and heartache that he's caused me. I know I have some issues directly related to the experience that cause relationship problems and I'm sure others will crop up every once in a while; baggage I haven't predicted. But the point is, I'm getting closer to being able to forgive him.
And that's definitely a step in the right direction.
Remembering the events of last summer, the snowball effect and the effects one man's choices had on my life and many others, has caused me a lot of angst the last few months. I've had to wrestle a lot internally and I know it has caused a lot of the stress and anxiety that I've suffered the last bit.
Pardon me while I go back in time a bit so you better understand where this post is coming from.
When I came home from the Girls Disneyland trip in May 2011, he had decided to stop wearing his garments. He never told me. But I was the one who did his laundry, so obviously I noticed. And it made me sick to my stomach. And considering the flu bug that had plagued the Disneyland trip, I had an easy excuse to him for not feeling well. I suffered fairly silently for a few weeks, but I realized quickly, that a decision was going to have to be made. A family picture, family reunion, planning for a Disney World trip and many other things were coming up.
Please understand that while I can express myself fairly effectively through the written word, confrontation face-to-face is very difficult for me. And this is particularly true with delicate topics very close to my heart. I have a tendency to cry when I feel like I'm being attacked or blamed or anything like that. So I decided to write him a letter. The thing is, I had kind of seen the signs before I left and I had left him one note for everyday I was gone on the trip, hidden through the house, telling him different reasons I loved and appreciated him, and one very vulnerable letter detailing my concerns about some of his life decisions. And then he went and did what he wanted anyway.
I wasn't sure that another letter was going to do anything, but I felt like this time, he needed to understand the new potential consequences that I was starting to see. I told him that while we hadn't to this point considered divorce, it was something we could no longer ignore as a possiblity. We had become too different and wanted very different things out of our lives and the lives of any children we might bring to family. I expressed my heartbreak at all the promises he had made me when we first got married, that he would no longer, if he continued down this path, be able to fulfill.
I found this letter on my computer in May when I was working on cleaning somethings off. When I read it, I realized how much he truly did not want to be with me. I had given him every chance to try to be with me. I had tried to be fairly tolerant of his new views and had given him plenty of time and space to explore things. But I always made it very clear that the path he was choosing was not an option for me.
From about the time I got home from California until I moved out in October, I slept downstairs on the sectional. I claimed it was because it was so much cooler downstairs and I slept better. Both of which are true. But it was more than that.
I knew from that point in June, with the letter, and his lack of enthusiasm to try to keep me, that divorce was inevitable. But it just never seemed to be the right time. And somehow I felt that if I told him the marriage would need to come to an end, I would be the one to blame. After all, I asked for it, right? At that point I couldn't think of all the chances I had given him; all the different ways I had tried to be supportive and encouraging and loving. All I could think of was that I was a horrible person for not understanding or accepting him and ultimately it was my fault the marriage couldn't work.
Even when the fateful day finally arrived, and he just let me go without much of a fight, I still felt like it was my fault. And what's worse, he allowed and encouraged that thinking in our future interactions. Somehow I was the one who ruined his life.
I went through quite the cycle. And as the days, weeks and months went by, I went back and forth between guilt for being the one to initiate the divorce, to anger over the fact that he didn't fight it but still wanted to play the victim, to anger at him for his decisions and the fact that he didn't seem to be suffering consequences while I was starting over, basically from scratch. In so many ways, where I am now, is strikingly similar to where I was 10 years ago. Except that now I'm 10 years older and that makes everything a little more complicated. PLUS, I get frustrated that I've already been through this part of life. And then I feel guilty for being angry at him.
And occassionally, I hear or read stories that make me feel like I didn't try hard enough. Or if I'd really loved him, I would have stood by him. And I even feel like some people close to me think that I shouldn't have gotten a divorce or think I'm the one to blame. I know each situation is unique and I don't for one minute think that this could have ended any other way, especially knowing what I know now. But still. Sometimes things eat at me.
But just recently, a change happened. I realized I wasn't angry. I wasn't resentful. I was just, MEH. Whatever. He made his choices. What consequences he doesn't face in this life, he will face in the next. And it is unfortunate that I am having such a hard time adjusting to this new life, or that I even have to go through this at all. But that doesn't really change anything.
I'm not sure I've reach the point where I'm ready to 100% forgive him for all the pain and heartache that he's caused me. I know I have some issues directly related to the experience that cause relationship problems and I'm sure others will crop up every once in a while; baggage I haven't predicted. But the point is, I'm getting closer to being able to forgive him.
And that's definitely a step in the right direction.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Change is Good
I hope you don't get confused or lost on the blog. I've made a few changes. I hope you at least noticed...
I have to say something really quickly about the new pictures. My friend Ashley is AMAZING! And we got together a couple weeks ago and she took some pictures of me. After all, we should have documented evidence of the dark hair, yes(my mom's right when she says it's the one thing I have total control over). Anyway, she did all the pictures in the new banner and the new one that I absolutely love on the right hand side of the blog.
She did a perfect job! I'll be blogging a few more of them soon, but I've got places to go right now. But they are EPIC! Truly.
More changes on their way.
I have to say something really quickly about the new pictures. My friend Ashley is AMAZING! And we got together a couple weeks ago and she took some pictures of me. After all, we should have documented evidence of the dark hair, yes(my mom's right when she says it's the one thing I have total control over). Anyway, she did all the pictures in the new banner and the new one that I absolutely love on the right hand side of the blog.
She did a perfect job! I'll be blogging a few more of them soon, but I've got places to go right now. But they are EPIC! Truly.
More changes on their way.
My Element
I've had a lot of life changes come up recently. It's really altered my groove.
But you know what, I like it. I really thrive when I am busy. It means I have to structure and schedule myself so much better. It's hard to organize stuff when you have nothing to organize. I'm so much more productive when I have loads to do.
Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8-3 I'm at school. Awesome. After Monday morning, I'll get to go to more than just 1 class all day and that will help my sanity. Seriously. 6 hours of math is so much! I took my 3rd test on Friday. It didn't go quite as well as my first 2 tests. I got 92%. But that still puts me on track to not have to take the final. So that's good. I'm spending a good chunk of my weekend finishing the last 3 chapters and making sure I am ready to go on that last test. And then I can go register for my next classes. I love this whole go at your own pace thing! It's really nice for people like me.
And then in the evenings I've got rehearsal for Scarlet Pimpernel. With the craziness of summer, we're not rehearsing every night yet, but it's enough to keep me entertained in the evening.
Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll be playing up at the University of Utah.
I've got homework I'll have to do in the in between times. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, eating.
Maybe I'll have time for fun. But it's not like I have an over active social calendar right now, as it is.
But I really excel at the whole being busy thing. And I'm just ready to feel like I have a purpose.
But you know what, I like it. I really thrive when I am busy. It means I have to structure and schedule myself so much better. It's hard to organize stuff when you have nothing to organize. I'm so much more productive when I have loads to do.
Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8-3 I'm at school. Awesome. After Monday morning, I'll get to go to more than just 1 class all day and that will help my sanity. Seriously. 6 hours of math is so much! I took my 3rd test on Friday. It didn't go quite as well as my first 2 tests. I got 92%. But that still puts me on track to not have to take the final. So that's good. I'm spending a good chunk of my weekend finishing the last 3 chapters and making sure I am ready to go on that last test. And then I can go register for my next classes. I love this whole go at your own pace thing! It's really nice for people like me.
And then in the evenings I've got rehearsal for Scarlet Pimpernel. With the craziness of summer, we're not rehearsing every night yet, but it's enough to keep me entertained in the evening.
Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll be playing up at the University of Utah.
I've got homework I'll have to do in the in between times. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, eating.
Maybe I'll have time for fun. But it's not like I have an over active social calendar right now, as it is.
But I really excel at the whole being busy thing. And I'm just ready to feel like I have a purpose.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
A New Sleep Cycle
To start off this post, I should probably tell you all that I'm rehearsing for another show. Someone finally had a little too much peppermint schnapps and cast me in another show. I'm in the Ensemble of Scarlet Pimpernel at Centerpoint. I'm pretty excited, whatever the reason for my casting might be, because I actually to sing in this show...and like be on stage for more than 3 minutes...and I think you'll be able to see my face and tell it's me. Added bonus: I get to be a whore (okay, the script says "Tart", but we all know what that means)! And you know I love taking as many of those whoring opportunities as I can.
A side effect of this show (and a few others things) is that I'm on a completely different sleep cycle now. It's the Show Sleep Cycle. I get home from rehearsal at like 10:05ish at think I should get ready for bed and fall asleep. WRONG! I'm all wound up from rehearsal. My brain is going a million miles an hour and I can't get it to turn off!
And so you're getting this lovely and quite random post.
Today, I started my first day of my first class of Pharmacy Technician training. It's Pharmacy Technician Math. I got my book early and did the first 5 chapters so I would be prepared to take a test today. You see, it's set up so that you can move as quickly as you and finish the class early, just so long as you at least finish by the "End Date". Technicially my end date is in like 3 weeks. I probably won't require much past this week. I managed to take 2 tests today and scored 100% on both of them. Yes. I am that awesome. I'm really aiming to do well on all 4 tests because if I get at least 90% on all 4 tests, I don't have to take the Comprehensive Final. And I think that's brilliant! I've got another chapter and a half before test number three and then 3 chapters for test number four. I think Test number 3 is going to be the hardest. But I'm hoping to be able to finish up both tests on Friday and be done with the class. That way I can move on to my other Pharmacy classes. This one was kind of a pre-requisite to the rest of the stuff. I understand why, but since I don't have other pre-reqs to finish, I'm stuck in this class MWF (so I can play the piano T/TH) from 8-11 and 12-3. For those who struggle with math, that's 6 hours each day. 6 hours of math. Yup. By hour 5, my eyes were burning and I had a blister on my right ring finger (because I don't hold a pencil "correctly") because I haven't had to write this much for a LOOONG time. AND my neck and shoulders hurt like the dickens from all the hunching over doing my homework so intensely and over-zealously. I'm definitely looking forward to taking 2 classes at a time.
So remember back when I was subbing the 8th grade boys and they all wanted to stalk me on Facebook so I had to go all covert with my privacy settings? Well, I've actually been back and forth over the last week or so about changing those. Right now, I'm unsearchable. Unless you find me through a mutual friend, it's next to impossible to track me down and try to "friend" me. I find myself pretty grateful that I haven't changed those. Let's just say there may be a stalking incident in my future and at least I know I'm sort of okay on Facebook. On that note, I'm going to be laying low for a bit on the Facebook so as not to attract attention and allow creepers to find me. I know I have the power to "Ignore" friend requests, but it's a bit of a delicate situation and until I figure out how exactly to handle it (body guard, boyfriend...a big imposing one...now accepting applications), it's best to just limit the possibilities.
Besides, cutting down on the Facebook will be healthy for me. I've been a bit (HA!) stressed lately. And so I've been working on trimming the fat, so to speak. If it's not something I even moderately enjoy, if it's making me want to punch people in face, if it is just taking up precious time without producing anything positive in my life, it's GONE. I won't list all the things I've eliminated in the last week, but it's LENGTH-Y! And yes. I feel better already. I'm just going to start getting CRAZY busy and I want to make sure I can maintain a balance and some semblance of sanity. I'm going to be going to school, playing at the University of Utah, and rehearsing the show. Plus there's all the normal person things to fit in, seeing my nieces and eating.
When I put in my contacts in the morning, I sing "I can see clearly now the rain is gone". Every morning. It's usually just in my head. When I switch to fresh contacts, I usually sing out loud.
Have I mentioned how much I love my piano talent? I love it. I got to use it at rehearsal last night to help out. And then I went to rehearsal with the manly men tonight to play as well. I get really frustrated with myself sometimes because I feel like I should be better. Sometimes when I play, I KNOW I should be better. And that's the worst kind of frustrating. I also hate that no matter how confident other people are in my abilities, I always feel incredibly inferior to so many people. This doesn't just go for playing the paino, unfortunately. I get really frustrated when I realize how absolutely average I am in a group of very talented people.
I'm trying really hard to be more tolerant of my one roommate. And the limits have been pushed SEVERAL times. But I'm not writing this post from a prison cell, so I guess we'll call it success.
I can't believe how quickly the last year has past. I'm in such a different place that I was a year ago. It kind of boggles my mind. In some ways I can't believe it's only been a year; in others, it's hard to realize it's already been a year. It's been such a rollercoaster. And such an adventure in ways I would never have imagined (I mean Pharmacy Tech...really?!). But I wouldn't change a thing.
Except that I wish I were sleeping right now. I guess I should get off the internets and give it a try again.
Oh, and come see me in The Scarlet Pimpernel. Monday, Wednesday, Friday cast. And apparently we're selling tickets pretty quickly, so get on it! And yes, I'm even doing the show on my birthday. It will be a nice distraction from the big 30. Don't tell my cast. Remember how I'm cancelling my birthday this year? Except the presents. I want the presents. :)
A side effect of this show (and a few others things) is that I'm on a completely different sleep cycle now. It's the Show Sleep Cycle. I get home from rehearsal at like 10:05ish at think I should get ready for bed and fall asleep. WRONG! I'm all wound up from rehearsal. My brain is going a million miles an hour and I can't get it to turn off!
And so you're getting this lovely and quite random post.
Today, I started my first day of my first class of Pharmacy Technician training. It's Pharmacy Technician Math. I got my book early and did the first 5 chapters so I would be prepared to take a test today. You see, it's set up so that you can move as quickly as you and finish the class early, just so long as you at least finish by the "End Date". Technicially my end date is in like 3 weeks. I probably won't require much past this week. I managed to take 2 tests today and scored 100% on both of them. Yes. I am that awesome. I'm really aiming to do well on all 4 tests because if I get at least 90% on all 4 tests, I don't have to take the Comprehensive Final. And I think that's brilliant! I've got another chapter and a half before test number three and then 3 chapters for test number four. I think Test number 3 is going to be the hardest. But I'm hoping to be able to finish up both tests on Friday and be done with the class. That way I can move on to my other Pharmacy classes. This one was kind of a pre-requisite to the rest of the stuff. I understand why, but since I don't have other pre-reqs to finish, I'm stuck in this class MWF (so I can play the piano T/TH) from 8-11 and 12-3. For those who struggle with math, that's 6 hours each day. 6 hours of math. Yup. By hour 5, my eyes were burning and I had a blister on my right ring finger (because I don't hold a pencil "correctly") because I haven't had to write this much for a LOOONG time. AND my neck and shoulders hurt like the dickens from all the hunching over doing my homework so intensely and over-zealously. I'm definitely looking forward to taking 2 classes at a time.
So remember back when I was subbing the 8th grade boys and they all wanted to stalk me on Facebook so I had to go all covert with my privacy settings? Well, I've actually been back and forth over the last week or so about changing those. Right now, I'm unsearchable. Unless you find me through a mutual friend, it's next to impossible to track me down and try to "friend" me. I find myself pretty grateful that I haven't changed those. Let's just say there may be a stalking incident in my future and at least I know I'm sort of okay on Facebook. On that note, I'm going to be laying low for a bit on the Facebook so as not to attract attention and allow creepers to find me. I know I have the power to "Ignore" friend requests, but it's a bit of a delicate situation and until I figure out how exactly to handle it (body guard, boyfriend...a big imposing one...now accepting applications), it's best to just limit the possibilities.
Besides, cutting down on the Facebook will be healthy for me. I've been a bit (HA!) stressed lately. And so I've been working on trimming the fat, so to speak. If it's not something I even moderately enjoy, if it's making me want to punch people in face, if it is just taking up precious time without producing anything positive in my life, it's GONE. I won't list all the things I've eliminated in the last week, but it's LENGTH-Y! And yes. I feel better already. I'm just going to start getting CRAZY busy and I want to make sure I can maintain a balance and some semblance of sanity. I'm going to be going to school, playing at the University of Utah, and rehearsing the show. Plus there's all the normal person things to fit in, seeing my nieces and eating.
When I put in my contacts in the morning, I sing "I can see clearly now the rain is gone". Every morning. It's usually just in my head. When I switch to fresh contacts, I usually sing out loud.
Have I mentioned how much I love my piano talent? I love it. I got to use it at rehearsal last night to help out. And then I went to rehearsal with the manly men tonight to play as well. I get really frustrated with myself sometimes because I feel like I should be better. Sometimes when I play, I KNOW I should be better. And that's the worst kind of frustrating. I also hate that no matter how confident other people are in my abilities, I always feel incredibly inferior to so many people. This doesn't just go for playing the paino, unfortunately. I get really frustrated when I realize how absolutely average I am in a group of very talented people.
I'm trying really hard to be more tolerant of my one roommate. And the limits have been pushed SEVERAL times. But I'm not writing this post from a prison cell, so I guess we'll call it success.
I can't believe how quickly the last year has past. I'm in such a different place that I was a year ago. It kind of boggles my mind. In some ways I can't believe it's only been a year; in others, it's hard to realize it's already been a year. It's been such a rollercoaster. And such an adventure in ways I would never have imagined (I mean Pharmacy Tech...really?!). But I wouldn't change a thing.
Except that I wish I were sleeping right now. I guess I should get off the internets and give it a try again.
Oh, and come see me in The Scarlet Pimpernel. Monday, Wednesday, Friday cast. And apparently we're selling tickets pretty quickly, so get on it! And yes, I'm even doing the show on my birthday. It will be a nice distraction from the big 30. Don't tell my cast. Remember how I'm cancelling my birthday this year? Except the presents. I want the presents. :)
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