The Frogs Like the Tissue Paper

Random, right?  Prepare yourself for a whole post like that...

RANDOM: Sometimes I look at my life right now and think, "WHAT?  How did this happen?  It's so...AWESOME!"  I mean, yes, getting a divorce is less than awesome.  But I didn't realize how truly unhappy and even miserable I was until now.  I must be a fairly good actress since most people didn't really know anything was wrong(yes, I'll be happy to accept an oscar...well, a nomination at least).  I know I don't talk about the divorce much.  And I don't want to smear his name through the mud or anything unseemly like that.  But I've been unhappy for at least a year and a half.  I can't count the number of times I've cried in the last 2 years(but at least once a day is a safe estimate).  I suppose something like that should have tipped me off to the state of my happiness, or rather, unhappiness. 

RANDOM: I was talking to one of my younger theater friends a few months ago, during Sleepy Hollow rehearsals, and she was talking about the guy she was dating. She said something about how she would be happy to give up doing shows for him. You have to know her to understand what an amazing statement this was. She's a theater major.  I know she loves shows.  And she said to me that she never thought she'd find a something she'd rather have than theater(I'm paraphrasing, of course).  And I thought to myself, "That is exactly what I want."  The only reason I started doing theater again is because of the no kids thing.  I needed something to distract me from the life I couldn't have.  Don't get me wrong, I really like doing shows.  But I'd give it up in a second for the chance at that other life.   

RANDOM:  And you know what, I can count how many times I've cried since I left.  I cried that night.  I cried the night I went to the house to split the stuff up.  And I cried one other night about 2 1/2 weeks ago, but that was just because I was feeling so overwhelmed with all the things that seemed so out of my control.  Oh, and I cried on Sunday during sacrament meeting. That was entirely my mom's fault.  It was testimony meeting...need I say more?  (And I kind of teared up writing that paragraph about my adorable friend loving her man more than theater...I'm not counting it)

RANDOM:  Sometimes, when I can't go to sleep at night, I imagine I'm somewhere else.  Anywhere else.  I've been to Hogwarts, a Galaxy Far, Far Away, Narnia, Neverland, Middle Earth, Elizabethan England, Olympus, Disneyland(yes, I visit even more often than you thought) and many, many other places.  Sometimes, I just need to escape.  But you know what, I haven't had to do that for a few weeks now.  I think it's because I've got a pretty good happy place here in reality(you know it's good when Disneyland can't even compete)!

RANDOM:  Crocheting clears my mind.  It also makes my wrists hurt.  I haven't crocheted for a while.

RANDOM:  I don't sing in the shower.  Well, I rarely sing in the shower.  I sing just about everywhere else.  But not in the shower.  My brothers all sing in the shower.  I know because my bedroom shares a wall with said shower and I often get serenaded in the morning(the very early morning).  I will sing before I get in the shower, but rarely will I actually sing while I'm IN the shower.

RANDOM:  Sometimes I listen to Taylor Swift music.  It's one of my guilty pleasures.

RANDOM:  I really don't eat a lot of junk food.  I have bags of candy I got for my birthday that remain unopened.  I go through phases of having a bit of a sweet tooth.  But they rarely last longer than 2 weeks. 

RANDOM:  I really like cooking.  It's another one of those things that soothes me.  I do NOT like choosing what to cook!  Especially when I'm cooking for other people.  But I do like cooking for other people.  I also don't love the aftermath of cooking...which is why I try to clean as I go. 

RANDOM:  If I could go anywhere in the world it would be Paris.  I studied French in Jr High and College.  I even brushed up on it 3 years ago when a trip to Paris was cruelly dangled in front of me and then yanked away at the last minute(I'm not bitter).  I want to go to the museums.  I want to go to all the places I've read about in my history studies (Versailles, here I come).  I want to go to Disneyland Paris(judge all you want, I plan on going to every Disneyland park before I die).  I want to drive through the French Countryside.  I want to eat French food.  Of course, I'd also want to go to London.  But that's entirely doable from Paris.

RANDOM:  I'm not a sit-around-and-do-nothing vacationer.  When I go places, I GO places!  I want to see things and do things.  Don't take me to the beach and hand me a book and expect me to be happy for hours.  Not going to happen.  Plus, I have a very fair complexion and would turn into a lobster(and unhappy one at that) in short order.

RANDOM:  I love Apples to Apples.  Amy, do you remember how I video conferenced in for your birthday party and played Apples to Apples?  That was Josh's first exposure to me.  I'm surprised he lets you talk to me still.  Poor Josh.  I'm not sure he realized exactly what he was getting himself into.  Oh well.  You have a cute baby.

RANDOM:  I'd go back and do High School again.  Not Junior High.  But High School for sure.  It wasn't particularly emotionally scarring for me(although there are a few people and experiences I could've done without). 

RANDOM:  I want to go on a cruise.  But I'm terrified the boat might sink.  I mean it's a floating city, right?  Cities don't float!  I mean, where's Atlantis?  Oh on the bottom of the ocean.  And don't even get me started on the Titanic.  However, I'm willing to give it a go.  With the right person, of course.  What?  I'd need someone to hold my hand and tell me I wasn't going to die.  Also, I really want to swim with dolphins.  Have I mentioned that for like 5 years I wanted to be a Marine Biologist?  But I have a slightly irrational fear of the water...so that didn't work out so well.  Also, I like in Land-Locked Utah.

RANDOM:  I don't have a favorite color.  I do prefer Blues and Greens though.  And Pink and Purple. 

RANDOM:  I like being busy.  But I also like just sitting with friends and watching a movie.  Or staying up all night talking.  And I love inside jokes. 

RANDOM:  All growing up, when I'd picture "Prince Charming" (don't judge me, you all know you did it too...well at least the girls did).... he looked nothing like that certain someone I married.  I'm not sure I've ever said that out loud before. 

Did you survive all that?  I'm sorry.  But I had a little bit of Blog Vomit.  I think it's out of my system.  Besides, you were all getting tired of just reading my Gratitudes anyway.