My Brain is Full of Snot

My allergies have struck again.  And my sinuses feel like they might explode.  But I also feel like I should blog.  I'm gonna warn you, this is probably not going to be super coherent.

Sudafed really works well to decongest me.  However....an unfortunate side effect, for me anyway, is that it wires my brain.  Honestly I could be dead exhausted and still not be able to sleep while on Sudafed.  Unfortunately, I can't sleep without Sudafed right now.  Not really a great situation, huh?  I figure I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night.  And it was not good sleep.

But it's all good.  I only had a 15+ hour day.  Nothing like leaving the house at 7:30 am and not getting home until 10:30.  And by about hour 8 of piano playing, I can't tell sharps from flats and time signatures are more like guidelines than rules (SIDE NOTE: 5/8 time....really Andrew Lloyd Webber?!  Really?!)

I have the worst sinus headache EVER right now.  I don't know how I'm supposed to function.  It's only Tuesday kids!  I wanted to be finished with 3 medications test by the end of this week.  I'm thinking that's probably not going to happen.  Not okay.

You know how everyone has that breaking point?  Yep.  I'm getting close to mine.  I can feel it.  And the allergy thing isn't helping.

Oh!  About the allergies.  Apparently our house has been operating with out a furnace filter.  So pretty much all kinds of dirt, dust and debris have been flying around our house, unchecked.  No wonder I haven't been able to breathe most mornings.

I almost broke down 3 different times in rehearsal today.  I'm not sure if it's stress, or the allergies, or the lack of sleep...probably a combination.

Also, I'm trying really hard not to think about what was happening in my life a year ago.  I mean, it's unavoidable really.  It's part of my history; part of who I am.  But since we're coming up on the year mark, it's getting a little more focus than I'd really like it to have.

And I actually think it's worse that I'm doing another show this time of year.  It's like things have come full circle.

Have I mentioned how much my sinuses hurt?

If I thought punching people in the face would solve problems, I'd be punching A LOT of people.  But, my parents taught me not to hit.  Not only that, but they taught me to be nice, even to the people I want to punch in the face.  Man!  Parents ruin all the fun!

I need some absolutely irresponsible crazy fun time.  Anyone have suggestions?

Remember how I'm turning 30 soon?  Yep.  I definitely remember.

I'm sitting here thinking about when I can schedule a nervous/emotional breakdown.  Yeah...that's just not going to happen anytime soon.  I just don't have time for it.  That should be healthy.  I'll just keep holding it all in until I have the time to let it erupt.  It's gonna be a doozy.  Especially if I can't schedule it in until closer to the holiday season when I'm done with the show.  That should be GOOD.

If I thought banging my head against the wall would make me less frustrated, I'd walk around banging my head against walls everywhere I go.  My parents didn't teach me not to bang my head against walls....so sometimes I try it...just to see if it'll finally make all my problems go away.  It hasn't yet.  I'll keep you posted.

Life could always be worse.  I just have to keep telling myself.  Cecily and I were talking on the way in to the University of Utah this morning and as much as life sometimes sucks, things could always be worse.  I'm very blessed.  I have a job I love.  I mean, really.  I get to play the piano.  And people pay me for it.  If that's not living the dream, I'm not sure what is.  I have a great family who is always there for me, no matter what.  I have amazing friends who somehow find time in their busy lives to put up with my craziness.  I really do like studying Pharmacy Technician stuff (even though I'm terrified I'm going to give someone the wrong medication and kill them).  I'm healthy (allergies aside).  I have nieces and a nephew who love me unconditionally.  And an amazing sister and sister-in-law who don't mind letting me share a little of my mothering with their kidlets.  And while there are a lot of things about my life I hope change soon(ish), I know I'm far better off now than I was a year ago in my previous situation.  But somedays, it's hard to remember that.

And honestly, when my brain is this full of snot, it's hard to do anything but want to drill a hole in my head and drain it.  Don't worry.  I won't.