Don't Hate Me Cuz I'm... Happy?

I'm a happy person. Everyone just needs to deal with it. Even growing up people criticized me for being "too happy".

Really? Is there such a thing? I suppose that, comparatively speaking, I might be a little intense sometimes for people to handle.

What I want to know is why you would want me to be anything else? Do people want me to be miserable? I mean, I suppose you should expect someone in my situation to be walking around with a storm cloud over their head. But no one should want or wish me to be utterly miserable. On the contrary, I would think, people should be hoping I could find happiness again.

Don't misunderstand. Most of you amazing folk are very supportive and encouraging and I know you are happy that I am happy. There are a few(some that I encounter regularly and a few I wish I didn't ever have to see again) who judge me and my happiness.

And you know what I will happily give them? An extra big smile! So there.

And why shouldn't I be happy? Do you have any idea what my life has been like these last 2 years? No. You don't. And there's a good chance you're not going to find out. It's not something I want to think about and relive constantly. And by judging me and telling me that it's unbecoming (or whatever far more derogatory word you want to use) for a person in my "situation" to "already" be functioning in society, makes me feel like a terrible person. And I'm not a terrible person.

Furthermore, I am not cold and unfeeling(at least I assume not considering the gallons of tears I've shed during this and my many other trials not to mention the rainbow of positive emotions i experience daily). I'm actually a very passionate person and it's incredibly frustrating that people make me doubt that or even convince me that I am cold and unfeeling.

So, when you see me smiling and being a freaking ray of sunshine, just accept it. Smile back. Don't judge me. Be happy for me. It's really ok that I move on with life. Trust me. I've earned my chance to be so happy.

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Gratitude Day 65

I am grateful for(in no particular order)...

Mucinex
Vicks vapor rub
Hot showers
Nap time
Vitamin C
Taco soup
Sweatpants

Yup I might be a little sick. I spent a couple days in denial, but now I'm hard at work trying to get better. I kind of want to live in my sweatpants, but I have to go to school. I guess my big weekend plans will involve sweatpants(if I haven't recovered by then).

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Gratitude Day 64

Today I am grateful for my Long Term sub job. Today was day #1 of about 90. But it was awesome! I loved it! It's great because I feel like an actual teacher instead of a glorified babysitter. And it's teaching choir and General Music. I feel like I actually do a pretty good job.

Of course this was the first day, but still...at least I didn't run home crying. And a great start like this makes me more confident about the long haul.


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Midnight Musings

Yes. I should be sleeping.  But I'm not.  I have a cold and it's causing a headache that my Tylenol has yet to penetrate.  So my brain is going a million miles a minute(I also took Mucinex and the decongestant in that tends to make me a little edgy....it also makes me have super crazy dreams...after I eventually get to sleep) and I thought you'd all enjoy a little rambling...

I start my long-term subbing job as Choir Teacher at Millcreek Junior High tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous.  Not about tomorrow, or any day in the next 2 weeks, not really(end of semester).  I'm nervous about preparing the 9th graders for their Festival.  I have to teach them 3 pieces and then take them and have them perform it.  They also have to sight read, and I get to teach them how to do that too.  Okay, thinking about that makes my head hurt more...moving on...

We're getting new carpet in the living room of the apartment on Wednesday.  We have to move all the furniture tomorrow night into the kitchen... We need some manly help.  On Thursday, we're getting new linoleum(sp?) in the kitchen so everything has to be moved back into the living room, plus we have to move the stove, fridge and washer and dryer off the floor.  More manly help please.

Remember how I'm taking my blog private?  Yeah you need to tell me your email address, if you haven't already, or you are going to be in tears come the end of the week when you can't access my brilliance.

I'm going to South Pacific at Capitol Theater on Wednesday.  I'm SUPER excited!

I'm wondering if you can get a British Boy with a British Accent and not get British Teeth.

I was talking to my roommate this morning about relationships and divorce and stuff.  I think relationships work when both people are more concerned about the happiness of the other person than they are their own.  If you are thinking about and taking care of the other person, and they are thinking about and taking care of you, then you both have your needs met and you don't even have to think about yourself.  When people get selfish, relationships fall apart. 

I want to travel.  I have a passport I've never used.  That's sad.

I calculated and I think I made 16 pounds of caramels this Holiday Season.  We aren't going to talk about how many pounds I ate.

I love dancing.  I miss dancing.  I should dance more.

When did groceries get to be so expensive?  I mean really!  It's getting ridiculous! 

Today, I set up the wireless router for the apartment and helped the roommates get hooked up.  Yup.  I'm basically a computer genius!

I'm itching for an adventure.  I don't know what exactly...it's a work in progress.

Well, this doesn't seem to be helping my headache.  My head might explode(and not in a good way).  And I really need to sleep since I will be getting up in about 6 hours.

Gratitude Day 63

I am grateful for my new roommates!  You'll be hearing more about them I'm sure.  There names are Lindsey and Bealynn. 

This morning we cleaned and organized the kitchen.  We chatted and laughed and there was some freaking out about bugs and some killing and disposing of bugs(you might be surprised to learn I did the killing...or it might not surprise you at all) and just had an all around good time. 

I'm really excited to get to know these girls better and spend time with them.  So far, it's been great having roommates.  I don't have to come home to an empty house.  I don't have to sit all by myself during the day or evening.  But I don't feel smothered.  So that's good.

I love my new apartment and am so grateful I found it and my new roommates!

Gratitude day 62

I am grateful for New-ness.

I'm grateful for the New Year! 2012 is going to be EPIC!
I'm grateful for New beginnings!
I'm grateful for New friends!
I'm grateful for a New apartment!
I'm grateful for New roommates!
I'm grateful for New experiences!
I'm grateful for a New job(remember how I start long-term subbing on Tuesday?)
I'm grateful for New life lessons.
I'm grateful for New adventures.

Out with the old, in with the new. 2012, you look good enough to kiss!


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Gratitude Day 61

I know I've done this one before, but I think it's worth repeating.

I'm grateful for my family. They put up with me invading their space on super short notice. They have put up with my crazy busy schedule and my popping in and out during the day and night. They deal with my female mood swings and grumpiness.

They helped me move in. And yesterday, they helped me move out and into a new apartment. I love that I have so many brothers to lift heavy things. It means I have to lift fewer heavy things.

And my parents are great. They may not always agree with the decisions I make, but they taught me to make good decisions. I am most grateful for that!

My family us awesome!


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