I was talking to my friend about people never being satisfied with things. You know, your one friend complains about not having enough of one thing and your other friend is complaining about having too much of the same thing. Interesting, isn't it?
Anyway, it got me to thinking about my own life philosophy on satisfaction. I was lucky enough to have parents who really did a great job of keeping me anchored in reality. I didn't get everything that I wanted. Not even close. What I did get were a lot of life lessons about not having everything I ask for and being told to learn to deal with it because life isn't fair and you don't always get what you want. Also, my parents were really great about helping me understand that you decide how happy and conent you are with life.
I think it is because of this that I am a fairly content person. Do I have things I'd like to be different? You bet your belly-button I do(appreciate that I made this G-rated). Do I complain from time to time? Of course. Who doesn't? Do I know that there are some things I don't have control over? Yes.
I know that I can't always control my situations, but I can control my attitude. Trust me it's not always easy. But I am trying to keep a positive outlook. And interestingly enough, I'm actually a fairly easy going girl.
Oh don't get me wrong, I'm a super intense person and hold myself to crazy high standards. I accept that at this point in time I am in "___Fill in the blank___" situation and that's okay, but I will continue to work to get better/improve/do better/do more.
What I'm trying to say is that I've Got Satisfaction. I understand and accept that everything isn't going to be perfect(according to my plans) and that I'm not always going to get me way. And I know there are some things out of my control, so why even waste time and energy complaining about it? Plus, think about it...that person you're complaining about having too much_______ might be the very person who wishes they had more_______. And they're just too polite to punch you in the face.
I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
I'm So Brave
This morning I went to my brother's house where his awesome wife helped me check off one of the scariest things on my 30 Before I Turn 30 list. She made me eggs for breakfast. Nothing too fancy. Scrambled with cheese. And I probably could have figured it out, but I didn't want to botch it and hate them for the rest of forever. And she gave me some helpful tips so I can make them myself someday. Thanks Kristie! She took a picture so there's proof.
Cut me some slack! I had just rolled out of bed and threw my hair back and I don't like posing for pictures. So it looks like I'm barely gagging them down. But I actually kind of liked them. They probably won't become a basic staple. But now I know I can eat them!
Thanks Kristie and Emma for having me over for breakfast! And especially for helping me check off something!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Cut me some slack! I had just rolled out of bed and threw my hair back and I don't like posing for pictures. So it looks like I'm barely gagging them down. But I actually kind of liked them. They probably won't become a basic staple. But now I know I can eat them!
Thanks Kristie and Emma for having me over for breakfast! And especially for helping me check off something!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
These Are My Happy Thoughts
I used to think I was THE Wendy from Peter Pan. I mean, how cool would that be, right?! I kept waiting for Peter Pan to come flying in my window and take me off to Neverland. AND I imagined myself marrying someone named Peter(It's nice to know that I've been delusional since I was a small child). I guess back then I was fairly confident that I would be able to produce the happy thoughts required for lift off. These days, I'm not sure that's always true. And since I now have the opportunity to marry someone named Peter, I really need to be better prepared.
So here are some of my Happy Thoughts...
Obviously:
The Nieces. Seriously I would die without these girls! I love their faces SO MUCH! Everything about them makes me smile(that's because I'm the aunt, not the mom, so everything is adorable). I'm pretty sure I'd really only need this happy thought to fly, but just in case...
Reese Peanut Butter Cup MINIS!!! If they sold these in bulk at Costco, I would buy them! SIDE NOTE: If they do sell these at Costco, don't tell me. They are just the perfect ratio of chocolate to peanut butter. They're really tasty.
I love music! I love when songs pop into my head and then burst out my mouth. And I love when music is on and I can't help but start dancing. It makes me smile just thinking about some of my awesome dance moves. And I love that I have friends who join in with their own super cool dance moves.
My friends! I would be a crazy person without them(okay, a crazIER person). And I'm realizing there are several of my favorite people I don't have pictures with. That's going to have to be rectified(CECILY!). And Angie, aren't you so glad this is the only picture I could find of the two of us? It's super flattering of both of us, don't you think?
This is Fleagle Beagle. He's been with me since the beginning. And yes he lives with me. No he does not sleep with me(does that make anyone feel better?). He's seen me through thick and thin. He's wiped a lot of tears and snotty noses(the latter was a LOOONG time ago). He always listens. And he makes me happy.
What? It's the Happiest Place on Earth! Okay, technically, this is the castle at Disney World, which is "Where Dreams Come True". But semantics, right?
It's not a glamorous list, but still. These are some of the things that make me happy. And somedays, it's good to remind yourself that there are things that make you happy. Sometimes you might have to look really hard. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes they are big things. Sometimes it's as simple as movie night with a friend. It's whatever makes you smile to think about. You know the smiles that you can't seem to stop from creeping on your face? Those are your happy thoughts.
So here are some of my Happy Thoughts...
Obviously:
It's not a glamorous list, but still. These are some of the things that make me happy. And somedays, it's good to remind yourself that there are things that make you happy. Sometimes you might have to look really hard. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes they are big things. Sometimes it's as simple as movie night with a friend. It's whatever makes you smile to think about. You know the smiles that you can't seem to stop from creeping on your face? Those are your happy thoughts.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Enough
My wonderfully, brilliant and talented friend Robynn, had this GENIUS idea to start a Creative Writing Club. I haven't written anything for a really long time, I mean, aside from my blog posts. And I used to write quite a bit. Writing has always been one of the easiest ways for me to express myself. I've been using my music to kind of escape the torturous trials of the last couple years, and particularly this last year. I've been wanting to write a song(remember my 30 Before I Turn 30 list? Yeah, it's on there), but lyrics are hard for me. Which is odd, because poetry never has been.
Anyway, last night was the first time we were all making submissions to the club. The internet is an awesome tool. We attach our documents and send them off and then each read the others and send them back with comments and suggestions and encouragement. I really didn't know what to write. I've been thinking about for days now, and nothing was coming. But as I was driving home from a friends house last night, it suddenly just composed itself in my head. And eventhough I wrote it at about 1:00 a.m. this morning, it actually turned out pretty good. And it was more than a little cathartic. It makes me feel very vulnerable, which is something I'm not good at being. I feel too often like I need to be strong all the time. But I feel like I needed to share it. Eventually I'll take bits an pieces of this and other parts of me and form it into lyrics and ultimately a song. And I'll figure out a way to share that with you too. But for now...
Anyway, last night was the first time we were all making submissions to the club. The internet is an awesome tool. We attach our documents and send them off and then each read the others and send them back with comments and suggestions and encouragement. I really didn't know what to write. I've been thinking about for days now, and nothing was coming. But as I was driving home from a friends house last night, it suddenly just composed itself in my head. And eventhough I wrote it at about 1:00 a.m. this morning, it actually turned out pretty good. And it was more than a little cathartic. It makes me feel very vulnerable, which is something I'm not good at being. I feel too often like I need to be strong all the time. But I feel like I needed to share it. Eventually I'll take bits an pieces of this and other parts of me and form it into lyrics and ultimately a song. And I'll figure out a way to share that with you too. But for now...
Enough
The tears
streamed down my face; hot but not unfamiliar.
To be perfectly honest, I was growing too accustomed to their
presence. At this point they had become
just a part of everyday life. A welcome
one, really, as it meant I was at least still alive and feeling something. I knew I could control them or even stop
them, if I so desired. But they were
like old friends now. I wanted them to
linger; to hear out all my problems. And
I usually felt better after their visits.
All the
signs had been there for two years. Had
I been blind to them? Or had I seen them
but tried to push them away into that overflowing river of denial? How many chances had I given him? Too many.
And how many had he wanted? Not
one. How I had I spent two years of my
life thinking I was going to save something that he was so determined was not
to be saved?
Why didn’t
he want me? What was it about me that he
suddenly found so revolting? Wasn’t
there one thing he could see in me worth fighting for?
Oops. I really shouldn’t pull at those
threads. Suddenly every insecurity I’ve
ever had poked their ugly heads out and started waving and shouting “Pick
me! Pick me!”.
Obviously I
must not be pretty enough. He’s made it
oh so very clear that he’s not attracted to me.
I’m sure my looks are subpar. And
considering that he’s always talking down to me, he must think I’m incredibly
stupid. I’ve never really felt “not
smart enough” before. I’ve always
thought I was a fairly intelligent person; above average even. But I’m sure that’s got to be part of
it. I’m just too dumb for him. I’m a bad cook, don’t keep house well enough,
do the laundry wrong, not sympathetic enough, not loving enough.
Not enough.
I guess
that’s what it boils down to. I’m not
enough.
Those
thoughts had crept into my head before.
They really took hold and bothered me.
I spent two years trying to find ways to be “enough”.
But now, I
finally realize that I will never be enough.
I don’t know what his expectations are.
I don’t know how he pictured things going in his head. But I’m pretty certain whatever picture is in
his head, doesn’t include me. He’s just
not brave enough to say it; to make the first move. He’s forced me into this position to have me
be the one to end it; to call it quits.
And why shouldn’t
I? There must be someone out there who
thinks I’m pretty enough. There’s got to
be a guy who thinks I’m smart enough. I
have to believe that someday some guy will think I’m a good enough cook, a good
enough house keeper, a good enough person, a good enough reason to get up in
the morning.
And don’t I
deserve to be someone’s “enough”?
Umm....If I made you cry, I'm really sorry about that.
Gorgeous Subjects, Gorgeous Weather
This is the third time these lovely people have had me take their family pictures. I guess I didn't screw up the first 2 times. And I think this round turned out pretty good...if I do say so myself.
You're Going to Think I'm a Pothead
So I was forcibly removed(fine, not forcibly, but I was definitely not welcome) my apartment Sunday night. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (I've actually found myself referring to a lot people as He/She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named recently...I might have anger management issues that I'm desperately trying to mask), invited her entire family over to the apartment for dinner and gave us 12 hours notice. Normally this wouldn't be too big of a deal, but my other roommate and I had planned a special Sunday dinner for the three of us and we were trying to make the weekend kind of an adventure since we were both bummed we weren't going on trips. Plus, she didn't ASK she TOLD.
But I digress....
Since I was not allowed at home, I looked for a plan B. Well, the parents and brothers left for California Sunday morning. So they weren't going to be home to feed/entertain me on a Sunday evening. Turns out that Kristin and Chris and Taylor had plans up at Chris' dad's house. Thank goodness for Scott and Kristie and Emma coming to the rescue. When I got over to my mom's house to squat for the night, I found I did not have a lot of food options. DUH! They went out of town. They got rid of any perishables that might expire. But Scott and Kristie were kind enough to take in poor homeless me and give me a hot meal and entertain me for a bit. Thanks guys.
But after that, still afraid to go home to whatever disaster would be left by She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and her relatives, I returned to my basement sanctuary and watched Harry Potter 7 pts 1 & 2. Yes I am that awesome.
I'm not sure what was in the spaghetti that Kristie fixed, but I had some really random and several far-too-deep thoughts while watching the movies. And because I know you will all continue to love me, inspite of my craziness, I'm going to share them with you.
So you know how Harry, Ron and Hermione have the horcruxes to find(sorry! Spoiler alert! Although, if you don't know what I'm talking about, crawl out from under the rock or swallow your pride. Read the books or watch the movie! Seriously!)? And they have that locket? And they have to take turns wearing it until they can destroy it? And it makes them all cranky, but Ron worst of all? I got to thinking, "What kind of horcruxes am I carrying around?" I mean, obviously I'm not carrying around pieces of some evil soul. But stick with me. Don't we all carry around toxic experiences from our lives? We hoard them and cling to them, when really, we just need to take the sword of Gryffindor to them and destroy them once and for all. Maybe it's awful things people have said or done to us. Maybe it's terrible things we think about ourselves. Maybe it's actually people in our lives that poison our minds. Cut them out, kids. Remember how cranky Ron got? And then he threw a temper tantrum and left. And when it came time to destroy it, Ron found it wasn't easy, but he somehow found the strength to do it. We need to, too. (see what I mean about too deep? I mean it's Harry Potter, for crying out loud!)
Next: When Ron comes back, Hermione is all kinds of mad at him. He does his best to explain why he came back and she relents a little. Harry asks her later, "You're not still mad at Ron, are you?" And Hermione replies, "I'm always mad at him." I'm sorry but it made me laugh. Tell me you don't think that's amusing...because it's true. We all have those people in our lives that we love to death, but there's always a little part of us that's mad at them because sometimes people are stupid. And sometimes loving a person means wanting to punch them in the face.
I always get a little teary eyed when Dobby the House Elf dies.
Voldemort is a brilliant villian name. It sounds evil.
When I read the book and imagined the big conflict at Hogwarts between the Death Eaters and the remaining members of the Order of the Pheonix etc, I never really imagined very many people. I never thought about the Death Eaters growing in number much beyond what was at the cemetary the night Cedric Diggory dies. But when I was watching last night and they show the vast number of Death Eaters and terrifying magical allies, I thought "Of course they would increase in number." First, there are always going to be those who just kind of lean evil anyway. You know, the sickos who get their jollies torturing and killing people. Second, I suppose that to some people what Voldemort was promising would be appealing, particularly if they were unhappy with the current system(isn't that how some politicians get elected?). Third, you have those who will join out of fear. And of course, you can't forget the ones that are blackmailed to help or brainwashed to join the fight as pawns. So yeah. Lots of bad guys. And isn't Voldemort a lot like Satan? If you haven't considered it...you should.
I full on cry when Professor Snape dies. And I cry all through the memories he gives Harry. Every time.
Nagini gives me nightmares. I don't do snakes.
I always root for Neville. And Luna. And Neville and Luna.
Daniel Radcliff is REALLY short.
I barely recover from Snape and Fred dies(or is it George, I always forget). And Lupin and Tonks! It really gets to be more than my heart can handle.
I'm not really sure why I get so attached to fictional characters, but I cry more during some movies and books than I have in actual real life sad situations(which is why I refuse to watch Nicholas Sparks movies. Seriously don't even ask me to.).
I appreciate that they use the original actors for the 19 years later part at the end of the movie. But it's REALLY stretching the imagination. Especially with the girls. They're probably going to age pretty well. Ron and Harry, not so much. But I still like it.
When I read the book, I cried when I found out Harry named his kid Albus Severus.
But I digress....
Since I was not allowed at home, I looked for a plan B. Well, the parents and brothers left for California Sunday morning. So they weren't going to be home to feed/entertain me on a Sunday evening. Turns out that Kristin and Chris and Taylor had plans up at Chris' dad's house. Thank goodness for Scott and Kristie and Emma coming to the rescue. When I got over to my mom's house to squat for the night, I found I did not have a lot of food options. DUH! They went out of town. They got rid of any perishables that might expire. But Scott and Kristie were kind enough to take in poor homeless me and give me a hot meal and entertain me for a bit. Thanks guys.
But after that, still afraid to go home to whatever disaster would be left by She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and her relatives, I returned to my basement sanctuary and watched Harry Potter 7 pts 1 & 2. Yes I am that awesome.
I'm not sure what was in the spaghetti that Kristie fixed, but I had some really random and several far-too-deep thoughts while watching the movies. And because I know you will all continue to love me, inspite of my craziness, I'm going to share them with you.
So you know how Harry, Ron and Hermione have the horcruxes to find(sorry! Spoiler alert! Although, if you don't know what I'm talking about, crawl out from under the rock or swallow your pride. Read the books or watch the movie! Seriously!)? And they have that locket? And they have to take turns wearing it until they can destroy it? And it makes them all cranky, but Ron worst of all? I got to thinking, "What kind of horcruxes am I carrying around?" I mean, obviously I'm not carrying around pieces of some evil soul. But stick with me. Don't we all carry around toxic experiences from our lives? We hoard them and cling to them, when really, we just need to take the sword of Gryffindor to them and destroy them once and for all. Maybe it's awful things people have said or done to us. Maybe it's terrible things we think about ourselves. Maybe it's actually people in our lives that poison our minds. Cut them out, kids. Remember how cranky Ron got? And then he threw a temper tantrum and left. And when it came time to destroy it, Ron found it wasn't easy, but he somehow found the strength to do it. We need to, too. (see what I mean about too deep? I mean it's Harry Potter, for crying out loud!)
Next: When Ron comes back, Hermione is all kinds of mad at him. He does his best to explain why he came back and she relents a little. Harry asks her later, "You're not still mad at Ron, are you?" And Hermione replies, "I'm always mad at him." I'm sorry but it made me laugh. Tell me you don't think that's amusing...because it's true. We all have those people in our lives that we love to death, but there's always a little part of us that's mad at them because sometimes people are stupid. And sometimes loving a person means wanting to punch them in the face.
I always get a little teary eyed when Dobby the House Elf dies.
Voldemort is a brilliant villian name. It sounds evil.
When I read the book and imagined the big conflict at Hogwarts between the Death Eaters and the remaining members of the Order of the Pheonix etc, I never really imagined very many people. I never thought about the Death Eaters growing in number much beyond what was at the cemetary the night Cedric Diggory dies. But when I was watching last night and they show the vast number of Death Eaters and terrifying magical allies, I thought "Of course they would increase in number." First, there are always going to be those who just kind of lean evil anyway. You know, the sickos who get their jollies torturing and killing people. Second, I suppose that to some people what Voldemort was promising would be appealing, particularly if they were unhappy with the current system(isn't that how some politicians get elected?). Third, you have those who will join out of fear. And of course, you can't forget the ones that are blackmailed to help or brainwashed to join the fight as pawns. So yeah. Lots of bad guys. And isn't Voldemort a lot like Satan? If you haven't considered it...you should.
I full on cry when Professor Snape dies. And I cry all through the memories he gives Harry. Every time.
Nagini gives me nightmares. I don't do snakes.
I always root for Neville. And Luna. And Neville and Luna.
Daniel Radcliff is REALLY short.
I barely recover from Snape and Fred dies(or is it George, I always forget). And Lupin and Tonks! It really gets to be more than my heart can handle.
I'm not really sure why I get so attached to fictional characters, but I cry more during some movies and books than I have in actual real life sad situations(which is why I refuse to watch Nicholas Sparks movies. Seriously don't even ask me to.).
I appreciate that they use the original actors for the 19 years later part at the end of the movie. But it's REALLY stretching the imagination. Especially with the girls. They're probably going to age pretty well. Ron and Harry, not so much. But I still like it.
When I read the book, I cried when I found out Harry named his kid Albus Severus.
Friday, June 1, 2012
A Cry For Help
With only a handful of months left before I turn 30(insert groan here), I'm posting an update on my 30 Things to do Before I Turn 30 list(original post HERE). The things that are cossed out are things that are at least 90% done. Anything that isn't crossed off, I need some help with. Please help!
If we delve into the inner workings of Wendi's brain(no fear, we won't go far, I don't want to terrify you), we discover that if she doesn't accomplish her 30 Before 30 List, I'll feel like a big fat failure on my 30 birthday, having not accomplished anything(even if I cross off 29 of the 30 things, I'll still feel like I have accomplished nothing. Explaining this would take you to the scary place, so just go with it). To put it simply... Since I'm not married, don't have kids, don't have a career and have done nothing of note in my life, if I don't complete this list, it's going to be a really sad birthday...like with tears(and those just might happen anyway if I think of the afore mentioned items I do not have)...and you all know that since I'm dead inside, if I cry, it's REALLY bad.
Here's my cry for help.... HELP!
30 Things to do Before I Turn 30
(In no particular order)
1. Go Camping (it's been a while since I've been and I miss it...this trip should also include fishing because I like that too)
2. Get rid of my Data Plan (I don't have enough self-control to stay off Facebook and other soul-sucking things)
3. Go ice skating(I don't think I've been since I was 12)
4. Attend a yoga class
5. Get a spray tan (I've never been tanning- fake baking or spray tanning)
6. Eat Eggs (my mom doesn't like eggs so I've never really eaten them...but I should probably at least try them before I turn 30)
7. Compose a piece of music (It's been far too long and I'm feeling inspired)
8. Visit a State I've never been to
9. Stay up all night (it's been a long time since I've pulled an all nighter...but I think I'm up to the challenge)
10. Get a massage (Never had one...but I want one)
11. Learn to swim (laugh all you want...I doggie paddle...but I mean business now)
12. Kiss in the rain (there's a lot of back story to this one and I'm not going to explain it)
13. Brush up on my French (That would be the language...in case you're confused)
14. Take a tap class (I can tap, but I've never really taken a class. I'd like to take a ballroom dance class...but it's awkward when you go to those by yourself.)
15. Be able to do the splits (I'm actually getting really close...how many 30 year olds do you know that can do the splits?)
16. Watch 5 movies everyone quotes but I've never seen (there's more than 5, but I need to start somewhere)
17. Read 5 "Classics" (Cuz I want to feel literate)
18. Make 6 new recipes (I love to cook)
19. Learn a new car-related skill (as a single woman, I really should know more than I do)
20. Learn a new handy man skill (If I knew how to fix things I wouldn't have to sit on my washer during the spin cycle...on the down side...How do I coerce guys to my house if I know how to fix things?)
21. Learn a new computer skill (I'm pretty tech savvy...but I'm a nerd)
22. Go on a spontaneous trip
23. Make a 72 hour kit (cuz, you know, I should be prepared)
24. Wear a bikini (I never have and I if I'm ever going to, shouldn't it be before I'm 30...plus I'm working out and looking pretty hot right now)
25. Memorize 2 piano pieces (I don't memorize as much anymore...and I really should)
26. Try new dishes at restaurants (I have a tendency to just order the same thing every time)
27. Do something I've been too scared to do (I don't have anything specific in mind)
28. Go to a foreign Country
29. Get a stamp in my passport (I've had one for 4 years dang it!)
30. Have the perfect kiss (thank you FRIENDS for this idea)
I know you're all intrigued about some of the crossed off items. Don't ask. I'm not telling all the stories. Just be glad those aren't the ones you have to help me with.
If we delve into the inner workings of Wendi's brain(no fear, we won't go far, I don't want to terrify you), we discover that if she doesn't accomplish her 30 Before 30 List, I'll feel like a big fat failure on my 30 birthday, having not accomplished anything(even if I cross off 29 of the 30 things, I'll still feel like I have accomplished nothing. Explaining this would take you to the scary place, so just go with it). To put it simply... Since I'm not married, don't have kids, don't have a career and have done nothing of note in my life, if I don't complete this list, it's going to be a really sad birthday...like with tears(and those just might happen anyway if I think of the afore mentioned items I do not have)...and you all know that since I'm dead inside, if I cry, it's REALLY bad.
Here's my cry for help.... HELP!
30 Things to do Before I Turn 30
(In no particular order)
1. Go Camping (it's been a while since I've been and I miss it...this trip should also include fishing because I like that too)
2. Get rid of my Data Plan (I don't have enough self-control to stay off Facebook and other soul-sucking things)
3. Go ice skating(I don't think I've been since I was 12)
4. Attend a yoga class
5. Get a spray tan (I've never been tanning- fake baking or spray tanning)
6. Eat Eggs (my mom doesn't like eggs so I've never really eaten them...but I should probably at least try them before I turn 30)
7. Compose a piece of music (It's been far too long and I'm feeling inspired)
9. Stay up all night (it's been a long time since I've pulled an all nighter...but I think I'm up to the challenge)
11. Learn to swim (laugh all you want...I doggie paddle...but I mean business now)
12. Kiss in the rain (there's a lot of back story to this one and I'm not going to explain it)
13. Brush up on my French (That would be the language...in case you're confused)
14. Take a tap class (I can tap, but I've never really taken a class. I'd like to take a ballroom dance class...but it's awkward when you go to those by yourself.)
15. Be able to do the splits (I'm actually getting really close...how many 30 year olds do you know that can do the splits?)
16. Watch 5 movies everyone quotes but I've never seen (there's more than 5, but I need to start somewhere)
17. Read 5 "Classics" (Cuz I want to feel literate)
19. Learn a new car-related skill (as a single woman, I really should know more than I do)
21. Learn a new computer skill (I'm pretty tech savvy...but I'm a nerd)
22. Go on a spontaneous trip
23. Make a 72 hour kit (cuz, you know, I should be prepared)
25. Memorize 2 piano pieces (I don't memorize as much anymore...and I really should)
28. Go to a foreign Country
29. Get a stamp in my passport (I've had one for 4 years dang it!)
I know you're all intrigued about some of the crossed off items. Don't ask. I'm not telling all the stories. Just be glad those aren't the ones you have to help me with.
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