So I've been contemplating getting a fish. I feel like I need a little responsiblity. And my friend, Amy says that if I can keep a fish alive, then I'm ready for relationships with other people.
But I can't decide for sure. So I set up a poll on the side. Please participate. Maybe this is how I'm going to make all my future decisions. Blog Polling.
I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Who Needs Sleep?
Clearly not me as it's currently 12:23 am and I'm blogging. I've already tossed and turned for over an hour. I even threw pillows at the wall in expression of my great frustration. Of course, then I had to go retrieve them so I could make another vain attempt at sleep.
Epic. Fail.
So I'm blogging. Maybe there's something on my mind that just needs to get out so everything can rest peacefully tonight. Maybe.
Maybe? Ha! Of course there is. My brain is in overdrive most of the time. And it likes to get extra agitated right as I'm trying to go to sleep. Come on! You've had all day to think about things and analyze things and decide things and imagine things and sleeping time is when you decided to really kick it into gear?!
What's that? You tell me I've been ignoring bigger issues throughout the day? I'm purposefully ignoring things and people who make me want to bang my head against the wall? Wait! I'm putting important, yet tedious or uncomfortable tasks on the back-burner in the hopes that they'll resolve themselves?
Oh ya. I totally do that. Oops.
But you know what? Some issues I can't deal with on my own. Some issues need to be resolved with a second party. I can't wave my magic fairy wand and make people use their words. I can't use my crystal ball and see into the future to know if certain people and events are going to continue to perplex me. I can't use my Jedi mind tricks to have people do my bidding. (Obviously if I had any of these powers, I would only use them for good)
And in some circumstances, I try. I really really do. I've made a few goals this year. I refuse to call them Resolutions because those rarely go well. So Goals it is.
Goal #1- Be a nicer person. I'm trying not to be so sarcastic. More importantly I'm trying to be more encouraging and supportive of my friends and family and their endeavors. I'm also working on my road rage. Mostly because I can't yell out "Whore" when my nieces are in the car because they are at the age where they really pick up on things. I'm trying not to be as critical. It may not seem like I'm making much progress. But I really am trying.
Goal #2- Be a better communicator. Sometimes I like to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable because I HATE confrontation. Seriously, I'll just convince myself that I'm the one to blame for an awkward exchange or argument or whatever if it means I don't have to confront someone else. Of course, that leads to a lot of stress and anxiety on my part because then I start to believe that I'm some sort of burden on the world and I'm the source of everyone's unhappiness. Okay. That was a little melodramatic, but you know what I mean.
Goal #3- Think. Sometimes I have knee-jerk reactions that aren't always the best. Don't get me wrong, sometimes my initial impression or thought is correct. But I'm trying harder to take deep breaths and really think through things before I make decisions. I'm trying to do this before I respond to emails and text messages too so that I don't say something I might regret.
The frustrating part is that not everyone is making an effort to be a better communicator. And the world is still full of a lot of stupid people that make it really hard for me to be a nicer person. And sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don't always stop to think. And I am human and I make mistakes! I forget that. And other people do too. I'm not going to magically achieve my goals just cuz I want to. I do appreciate little acknowledgements of my successes in these areas though. Hopefully I have the occasional success.
I've had to change a lot of things about my life and how I see life in the present and the future. This last year has been quite the roller coaster. And in some ways, it's calming down. In others...well, I just keep hoping things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Honestly, what else can I do but hope?
So why am I not sleeping? Because I have unrealistic expectations of myself. Because I know I have a million things waiting for me this week. Because I'm trying to be a better person and I feel like I'm failing miserably. Because I have unresolved things that maybe some people can sleep through, but I can not. Because I have life decisions to make. Because I'm afraid I offend people daily. Because I can't stop thinking about all the ways I could have been better last week. Because I'm a girl and apparently that makes me crazy and there's nothing I can do about it. Because it's okay for other people to whine but not me. Because I don't do things half way. Because I'm the type of person who gives 110% to everything and everyone. And because in spite of everything, I still have hope.
See? I bet you wouldn't sleep either if you had all that going through your brain. But then, who needs sleep?
Epic. Fail.
So I'm blogging. Maybe there's something on my mind that just needs to get out so everything can rest peacefully tonight. Maybe.
Maybe? Ha! Of course there is. My brain is in overdrive most of the time. And it likes to get extra agitated right as I'm trying to go to sleep. Come on! You've had all day to think about things and analyze things and decide things and imagine things and sleeping time is when you decided to really kick it into gear?!
What's that? You tell me I've been ignoring bigger issues throughout the day? I'm purposefully ignoring things and people who make me want to bang my head against the wall? Wait! I'm putting important, yet tedious or uncomfortable tasks on the back-burner in the hopes that they'll resolve themselves?
Oh ya. I totally do that. Oops.
But you know what? Some issues I can't deal with on my own. Some issues need to be resolved with a second party. I can't wave my magic fairy wand and make people use their words. I can't use my crystal ball and see into the future to know if certain people and events are going to continue to perplex me. I can't use my Jedi mind tricks to have people do my bidding. (Obviously if I had any of these powers, I would only use them for good)
And in some circumstances, I try. I really really do. I've made a few goals this year. I refuse to call them Resolutions because those rarely go well. So Goals it is.
Goal #1- Be a nicer person. I'm trying not to be so sarcastic. More importantly I'm trying to be more encouraging and supportive of my friends and family and their endeavors. I'm also working on my road rage. Mostly because I can't yell out "Whore" when my nieces are in the car because they are at the age where they really pick up on things. I'm trying not to be as critical. It may not seem like I'm making much progress. But I really am trying.
Goal #2- Be a better communicator. Sometimes I like to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable because I HATE confrontation. Seriously, I'll just convince myself that I'm the one to blame for an awkward exchange or argument or whatever if it means I don't have to confront someone else. Of course, that leads to a lot of stress and anxiety on my part because then I start to believe that I'm some sort of burden on the world and I'm the source of everyone's unhappiness. Okay. That was a little melodramatic, but you know what I mean.
Goal #3- Think. Sometimes I have knee-jerk reactions that aren't always the best. Don't get me wrong, sometimes my initial impression or thought is correct. But I'm trying harder to take deep breaths and really think through things before I make decisions. I'm trying to do this before I respond to emails and text messages too so that I don't say something I might regret.
The frustrating part is that not everyone is making an effort to be a better communicator. And the world is still full of a lot of stupid people that make it really hard for me to be a nicer person. And sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don't always stop to think. And I am human and I make mistakes! I forget that. And other people do too. I'm not going to magically achieve my goals just cuz I want to. I do appreciate little acknowledgements of my successes in these areas though. Hopefully I have the occasional success.
I've had to change a lot of things about my life and how I see life in the present and the future. This last year has been quite the roller coaster. And in some ways, it's calming down. In others...well, I just keep hoping things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Honestly, what else can I do but hope?
So why am I not sleeping? Because I have unrealistic expectations of myself. Because I know I have a million things waiting for me this week. Because I'm trying to be a better person and I feel like I'm failing miserably. Because I have unresolved things that maybe some people can sleep through, but I can not. Because I have life decisions to make. Because I'm afraid I offend people daily. Because I can't stop thinking about all the ways I could have been better last week. Because I'm a girl and apparently that makes me crazy and there's nothing I can do about it. Because it's okay for other people to whine but not me. Because I don't do things half way. Because I'm the type of person who gives 110% to everything and everyone. And because in spite of everything, I still have hope.
See? I bet you wouldn't sleep either if you had all that going through your brain. But then, who needs sleep?
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Blog it Out
I know I've been absent. But my life has been a little bit busy recently. (You'll understand when you read about all the Epic Adventures I've been on)
I've been trying to get my life under control. But I think I've just decided to accept the fact that I have no control over a lot of things. I could be going really crazy, but I'm holding it together pretty well. Well, I'm mostly holding it together. At the very least, I have some plans and I'm working on not having as much anxiety.
OH! And I read an article in a magazine that says that women who have tidy homes have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol compared to those who live in clutter. And this is according to research from UCLA. So take that. Cleaning really does help my stress.
Writing helps my stress too. So I'm going to try to do more blogging. It might just be ramblings, so you're under no obligation to read it. But it'll be here if you need entertaining. You know, sometimes it just helps to blog it out.
I've been trying to get my life under control. But I think I've just decided to accept the fact that I have no control over a lot of things. I could be going really crazy, but I'm holding it together pretty well. Well, I'm mostly holding it together. At the very least, I have some plans and I'm working on not having as much anxiety.
OH! And I read an article in a magazine that says that women who have tidy homes have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol compared to those who live in clutter. And this is according to research from UCLA. So take that. Cleaning really does help my stress.
Writing helps my stress too. So I'm going to try to do more blogging. It might just be ramblings, so you're under no obligation to read it. But it'll be here if you need entertaining. You know, sometimes it just helps to blog it out.
2013: The Year of Epic Adventures
I spent New Years Eve at Angie's house and we had lots of tasty food, fun games and good company. And the chosen soundtrack for the evening? The Lord of the Rings. It made everything seem very Epic. So I decided that was going to be the theme for the new year. 2013: The Year of Epic Adventures.
I've already had several.
Epic Adventure #1-
We had a roommate move out. Lindsey and I decided not to search for another roommate. Now we have an office/guest room/exercise room/lots more storage space. It's been nice. In related news, the apartment stays cleaner now.
Epic Adventure #2-
I flooded the apartment. Not the entire apartment really, just the laundry room and part of the kitchen. Turns out that the apartment has had an ongoing problem. But we had a pretty mild winter last year so it didn't happen. Apparently the washer drain pipe is on an exterior wall that was not properly insulated and so in extreme (or sometimes not so extreme) freezing temperatures, the water in the pipe would freeze. And then if you tried to do laundry and weren't paying attention because your washer had never flooded before, the water that is supposed to go down the drain backs up and comes back into the apartment, down the wall and onto the floor, spreading out into the kitchen as the gallons continue to flow. We used the mop a lot for a few weeks as we went through a few ill-conceived "fixes" from the complex manager and handyman. But we got smart and started to keep an eye on the washer, so we didn't have to mop as much water per incident. Finally, they cut a big ole hole in the wall and sprayed more insulation around the pipe. The wall is still missing, but we haven't had any more incidents. Now if only we had a working doorbell.
Epic Adventure #3-
I took and passed my PTCB exam. I got my certificate and can now put the letters CPhT after my name. Yep. I'm that cool. Not only did I pass, but I rocked that test.
Epic Adventure #4-
I finished my 180 extern hours. Ugh. 180 UNPAID extern hours. In 4 weeks. So much unpaid work. And they offered me a job. Since I don't have anything else lined up, I accepted for now. But I'm not totally thrilled about it and have a few other projects on the horizon.
Epic Adventure #5-
I went on a California Adventure Trip! I visited a friend in Palm Desert for a couple days. And then I got to go to Disneyland for 5 days. And...I got an Annual Passport to Disneyland. Check off a Bucket List Item! AND I can guarantee many more California and Disneyland based Epic Adventures in the future.
Epic Adventure #6-
I did a self make-over this week. New hair, new make up looks, new Wendi. I've had a frustrating month filled with some very negative thoughts about myself. So I thought it was time for a fresh approach to life and fresh look is always a good place to start. I'll post some pictures later.
I don't have specifics on the next adventure, but you can be sure it will be Epic.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Getting Up to Date and a Little Randomness
My life has been crazy. There's really no other way to describe it. It's just pretty much out of control. Well, out of my control anyway. Where to start?
SCHOOL:
Well, I have finished all my classroom work. I passed my final exam for the program. I'm currently working at Senior Care Pharmacy. Well, it's my Externship. My UNPAID externship. But I'm working 40 hours a week to get my 180 hours done for certification. At this pace, I should be done in just over 4 weeks from starting. And I've been doing this for a week now.
I actually really enjoy it. And they've already offered me a position to stay on after I finish my externship. YAY! AND the managing Pharmacist talked to me the other day about going to Pharmacy School. Since then, I've been doing a lot of research into Pharmacy Schools and the pre-admissions requirements for said programs. It's a lot of work. I think I'd really like to do it. I just don't know if it's the right course for me. It would probably take me 2 years to get thru the prereqs since I was a history major and didn't have to take a lot of science classes. Oh and I'd still be working throughout the process so it's not like I can really go to school full time. And Pharmacy School is expensive. There would definitely be student loans involved. I'd likely have to relocate, because, let's face it, the odds of me getting into the University of Utah's Pharmacy School are not great. And do I do all this, 6+ more years of school, in case I have to have a career for life, but really hoping I get to get married and have a family? I know the two aren't mutually exclusive, but still. It's causing me more than a little anxiety.
I'm still studying away too because I have to take the National Pharmacy Technician Certification Exam still.
FAMILY:
Kevin got his mission call to Washington DC North mission. He leaves January 23rd. He's super excited. Tyler has crashed 2 of my family's cars in the last 4 months. My mom and Kevin are going with Kristie, Scott, Emma and Adam to Disneyland in a week. I'm jealous. Mostly because I'm so stressed out, I could use an escape. But alas, I must wait a while longer. We did family pictures a couple weeks ago. I'll get around to posting some soon.
HOLIDAYS:
Thanksgiving was tasty. And the few days before that, Angie and I went on a little jaunt down to sunny California. It was so nice and warm. We sat by the pool for hours and got just enough sun so that when we returned to Utah, we weren't the whitest people in the state. It was such a fun girls trip! And I definitely needed some California time. A most productive trip.
Christmas was good. My mom copied my friend Lacee and did something a little different, gift-wise, for those of us still "at home". We got a "Need It", "Want It", "Read It" and a "Wear It". AND I got my very own Costco membership. I love me some costco and I look forward to using it and especially for getting gas, which I use more of now that I have a daily commute. For my Read It, I got an Amazon Kindle gift card. So I'm looking for suggestions on what books to get. Of course, the nieces and nephew were ADORABLE for Christmas. I'll post more on that later when I get pictures done. (Have I mentioned what a disaster my life is right now?)
RANDOM:
Well, Bealynn, my super messy, drives-me-crazy, roommate is moving out. She told us at the end of November. Lindsey and I decided not to fill the room. It's just going to be the 2 of us now. And we're pretty excited about it. Bealynn hasn't moved all her stuff out yet, but like the cleaning nerds that we are, Lindsey and I are SUPER anxious to sanitize her portions of the house.
I saw The Hobbit. It was awesome! Also, it was completely spontaneous and before it officially opened. So that was extra fun.
My random piece of wisdom for the day:
"Love is wanting to punch someone in the face. But not actually doing it."
I got a stress fracture during Scarlet Pimpernel and have been wearing a special boot for the last 3 weeks. I don't wear it to work and I think that it's starting to take it's toll. I felt a twinge on Sunday (couldn't wear the boot cuz I had to play the organ). So I've been a good girl and have worn it when I'm not at work. I even wore it all day Christmas. But it still hurt a bit today. That's probably a sign that I should wear it to work. Maybe it would be enough just to get some good stand/walk around all day shoes for work. I'm on my feet for a full shift and my feet and back are really suffering for it.
I think that's all for now. If I think of more, I'll share. Otherwise, look for a end of year/beginning of year post soon.
SCHOOL:
Well, I have finished all my classroom work. I passed my final exam for the program. I'm currently working at Senior Care Pharmacy. Well, it's my Externship. My UNPAID externship. But I'm working 40 hours a week to get my 180 hours done for certification. At this pace, I should be done in just over 4 weeks from starting. And I've been doing this for a week now.
I actually really enjoy it. And they've already offered me a position to stay on after I finish my externship. YAY! AND the managing Pharmacist talked to me the other day about going to Pharmacy School. Since then, I've been doing a lot of research into Pharmacy Schools and the pre-admissions requirements for said programs. It's a lot of work. I think I'd really like to do it. I just don't know if it's the right course for me. It would probably take me 2 years to get thru the prereqs since I was a history major and didn't have to take a lot of science classes. Oh and I'd still be working throughout the process so it's not like I can really go to school full time. And Pharmacy School is expensive. There would definitely be student loans involved. I'd likely have to relocate, because, let's face it, the odds of me getting into the University of Utah's Pharmacy School are not great. And do I do all this, 6+ more years of school, in case I have to have a career for life, but really hoping I get to get married and have a family? I know the two aren't mutually exclusive, but still. It's causing me more than a little anxiety.
I'm still studying away too because I have to take the National Pharmacy Technician Certification Exam still.
FAMILY:
Kevin got his mission call to Washington DC North mission. He leaves January 23rd. He's super excited. Tyler has crashed 2 of my family's cars in the last 4 months. My mom and Kevin are going with Kristie, Scott, Emma and Adam to Disneyland in a week. I'm jealous. Mostly because I'm so stressed out, I could use an escape. But alas, I must wait a while longer. We did family pictures a couple weeks ago. I'll get around to posting some soon.
HOLIDAYS:
Thanksgiving was tasty. And the few days before that, Angie and I went on a little jaunt down to sunny California. It was so nice and warm. We sat by the pool for hours and got just enough sun so that when we returned to Utah, we weren't the whitest people in the state. It was such a fun girls trip! And I definitely needed some California time. A most productive trip.
Christmas was good. My mom copied my friend Lacee and did something a little different, gift-wise, for those of us still "at home". We got a "Need It", "Want It", "Read It" and a "Wear It". AND I got my very own Costco membership. I love me some costco and I look forward to using it and especially for getting gas, which I use more of now that I have a daily commute. For my Read It, I got an Amazon Kindle gift card. So I'm looking for suggestions on what books to get. Of course, the nieces and nephew were ADORABLE for Christmas. I'll post more on that later when I get pictures done. (Have I mentioned what a disaster my life is right now?)
RANDOM:
Well, Bealynn, my super messy, drives-me-crazy, roommate is moving out. She told us at the end of November. Lindsey and I decided not to fill the room. It's just going to be the 2 of us now. And we're pretty excited about it. Bealynn hasn't moved all her stuff out yet, but like the cleaning nerds that we are, Lindsey and I are SUPER anxious to sanitize her portions of the house.
I saw The Hobbit. It was awesome! Also, it was completely spontaneous and before it officially opened. So that was extra fun.
My random piece of wisdom for the day:
"Love is wanting to punch someone in the face. But not actually doing it."
I got a stress fracture during Scarlet Pimpernel and have been wearing a special boot for the last 3 weeks. I don't wear it to work and I think that it's starting to take it's toll. I felt a twinge on Sunday (couldn't wear the boot cuz I had to play the organ). So I've been a good girl and have worn it when I'm not at work. I even wore it all day Christmas. But it still hurt a bit today. That's probably a sign that I should wear it to work. Maybe it would be enough just to get some good stand/walk around all day shoes for work. I'm on my feet for a full shift and my feet and back are really suffering for it.
I think that's all for now. If I think of more, I'll share. Otherwise, look for a end of year/beginning of year post soon.
Slacker
That would be me. A Big Slacker! I know you, my avid readers, have been greatly distressed by my MIA status here on the blog. I humbly beg your forgiveness. I will endeavor to do better.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Gratitude Day 1 - 2012
Yes it's that time again. Time to bake. Time to eat turkey. Time to go shopping. Time to be grateful.
On this, the first day of November, I am grateful for this last year. Just the fact that I've survived, is enough for gratitude. But also, I've learned so much. I learned that I'm stronger than I thought. I've also learned that it's ok not to be strong all the time. It's ok to rely on others sometimes. I've learned that sometimes you have to take chances. Sometimes the risk is rewarding. Sometimes things don't go according to plan. Sometimes you want to punch people in the face. Sometimes you realize there are people in your life you can't survive without. Sometimes you need a break and it's ok to take one.
I've learned a lot this year. That is just the tip of the iceberg. And as difficult as this part year has been, I'm grateful for every lesson learned.
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