It's Time for Some Change

Ugh!  Life is rough sometimes.  I thought things needed a little freshening.  When I was growing up, my mom would randomly rearrange furniture in the house.  I now wonder if that wasn't one of her ways of dealing with stress.  Furniture arrangement was something she could control.  Meh.  Whatever the reason, I rearranged the living room yesterday and today I'm doing a little life redecorating.

Things are a little bit of a disaster right now.  Not like DISASTER!  Just chaotic.  And I've been trying to tackle all aspects at once.  This was not only complete uneffective, but actually made it worse, I think.  So this morning I came up with a plan.

Step 1- Get a new job.  I have a certain amount of control over this one.  The job I have is not the right fit for me.  I'll leave it at that.

Step 2- Forget Facebook.  I won't be going completely offline, but I need to withdraw from the Facebook work in a substantial way.  I can't keep reading about how so many people are getting the things I want or about how awful the world is.  And all the Facebook Politicking is exhausting me.  Plus, I really shouldn't care what everyone is doing.  I think I thought I was living vicariously through the seemingly more exciting lives of others.  Instead, I was just resenting the fact that I wasn't getting to have the things I thought I should have.  Some of those things are within my power to have, others, not so much.  But it's time I stop getting so frustrated at the world because of what people write on Facebook, which is probably slightly exaggerated.  No offense, folks.  Just the way it has to be.

Step 3-  New exercise routine.  I think I'm going to take up Kickboxing.  I think it'll be good for the aggression I have.  I think a balanced routine of Kickboxing and Yoga (and some Just Dance 3 with Angie) ought to help me chill out a little. Plus, I'll be working out.

Step 4- I have got to get out of my house at least 2 times a week and do something that isn't work.  It's rough because I work 1-8 and in the morning I'm trying to get things done around the house.  But I seriously need human contact (that isn't work).  So if anyone wants to help me not go insane, let me know!

Step 5- Be Positive.  I've been letting a lot of negative thoughts creep in my mind and take hold.  And it's not okay.  It's tearing me apart from the inside out.  It makes me angry at myself for letting them in.  If anyone has any good suggestions for helping out with this, I'd really appreciate them.

Step 6- Continue with the Epic Adventures.  Some of them might not seem very exciting to you folks, but I've got to find something cool in my life some days.

That's what I've got for now.  And as you can see, the blog has had a facelift.  I'm going for the Meg from Hercules inspiration.  I'm a Damsel.  I'm in Distress.  I can handle it.  Have a nice day.

Epic Adventure #8

I got my Utah Pharmacy Technician License.  Well, I don't have a hard copy, but I have a number and potential employers can go online to DOPL and look it up and see that I have an active license.

What does that mean?  It means that I can A) stop doing delivery clerk stuff at work and finally be a tech and B) look for a job at a hospital, should I so desire.  I'd really like a 7 on/7 off job.  I think I could really like that kind of schedule.  But I can't be too picky.  I'll even take PRN if it will get my foot in the door.  I've applied at Intermountain and University of Utah Hospital.  We'll see how it goes.

Epic Adventure #7

Mandy and Garrett were nice enough to throw a big old Oscar Night party on Sunday.  It was a lot of fun for the kids and adults alike.  And there was a ton of great food.

Grant, Garrett and Angie's brother, is apparently a Sushi Master.  So we tried our hands at homemade sushi.  It turned out pretty good I think.  Tasty and pretty. 

We thought we could eat it all.  We were mistaken.  But we are pretty impressive Sushi Chefs now.  And no one has died from side effects of homemade sushi consumption (at least to my knowledge).

My Brilliant New Idea

So I've been contemplating getting a fish.  I feel like I need a little responsiblity.  And my friend, Amy says that if I can keep a fish alive, then I'm ready for relationships with other people. 

But I can't decide for sure.  So I set up a poll on the side.  Please participate.  Maybe this is how I'm going to make all my future decisions.  Blog Polling.

Who Needs Sleep?

Clearly not me as it's currently 12:23 am and I'm blogging.  I've already tossed and turned for over an hour.  I even threw pillows at the wall in expression of my great frustration.  Of course, then I had to go retrieve them so I could make another vain attempt at sleep.

Epic. Fail.

So I'm blogging.  Maybe there's something on my mind that just needs to get out so everything can rest peacefully tonight.  Maybe.

Maybe?  Ha!  Of course there is.  My brain is in overdrive most of the time.  And it likes to get extra agitated right as I'm trying to go to sleep.  Come on!  You've had all day to think about things and analyze things and decide things and imagine things and sleeping time is when you decided to really kick it into gear?!

What's that?  You tell me I've been ignoring bigger issues throughout the day?   I'm purposefully ignoring things and people who make me want to bang my head against the wall?  Wait!  I'm putting important, yet tedious or uncomfortable tasks on the back-burner in the hopes that they'll resolve themselves?

Oh ya.  I totally do that.  Oops.

But you know what?  Some issues I can't deal with on my own.  Some issues need to be resolved with a second party.  I can't wave my magic fairy wand and make people use their words.  I can't use my crystal ball and see into the future to know if certain people and events are going to continue to perplex me.  I can't use my Jedi mind tricks to have people do my bidding. (Obviously if I had any of these powers, I would only use them for good)

And in some circumstances, I try.  I really really do.  I've made a few goals this year.  I refuse to call them Resolutions because those rarely go well.  So Goals it is.

Goal #1- Be a nicer person.  I'm trying not to be so sarcastic.  More importantly I'm trying to be more encouraging and supportive of my friends and family and their endeavors.  I'm also working on my road rage.  Mostly because I can't yell out "Whore" when my nieces are in the car because they are at the age where they really pick up on things.  I'm trying not to be as critical.  It may not seem like I'm making much progress.  But I really am trying.

Goal #2-  Be a better communicator.  Sometimes I like to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable because I HATE confrontation.  Seriously, I'll just convince myself that I'm the one to blame for an awkward exchange or argument or whatever if it means  I don't have to confront someone else.  Of course, that leads to a lot of stress and anxiety on my part because then I start to believe that I'm some sort of burden on the world and I'm the source of everyone's unhappiness.  Okay.  That was a little melodramatic, but you know what I mean.

Goal #3-  Think.  Sometimes I have knee-jerk reactions that aren't always the best.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes my initial impression or thought is correct.  But I'm trying harder to take deep breaths and really think through things before I make decisions.  I'm trying to do this before I respond to emails and text messages too so that I don't say something I might regret.

The frustrating part is that not everyone is making an effort to be a better communicator.  And the world is still full of a lot of stupid people that make it really hard for me to be a nicer person.  And sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don't always stop to think.  And I am human and I make mistakes!  I forget that.  And other people do too.  I'm not going to magically achieve my goals just cuz I want to.  I do appreciate little acknowledgements of my successes in these areas though.  Hopefully I have the occasional success.

I've had to change a lot of things about my life and how I see life in the present and the future.  This last year has been quite the roller coaster.  And in some ways, it's calming down.  In others...well, I just keep hoping things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Honestly, what else can I do but hope?

So why am I not sleeping?  Because I have unrealistic expectations of myself.  Because I know I have a million things waiting for me this week.  Because I'm trying to be a better person and I feel like I'm failing miserably.  Because I have unresolved things that maybe some people can sleep through, but I can not.  Because I have life decisions to make.  Because I'm afraid I offend people daily.  Because I can't stop thinking about all the ways I could have been better last week.  Because I'm a girl and apparently that makes me crazy and there's nothing I can do about it.  Because it's okay for other people to whine but not me.  Because I don't do things half way.  Because I'm the type of person who gives 110% to everything and everyone.  And because in spite of everything, I still have hope.

See?  I bet you wouldn't sleep either if you had all that going through your brain.  But then, who needs sleep?

Blog it Out

I know I've been absent.  But my life has been a little bit busy recently. (You'll understand when you read about all the Epic Adventures I've been on)

I've been trying to get my life under control.  But I think I've just decided to accept the fact that I have no control over a lot of things.  I could be going really crazy, but I'm holding it together pretty well.  Well, I'm mostly holding it together.  At the very least, I have some plans and I'm working on not having as much anxiety.

OH!  And I read an article in a magazine that says that women who have tidy homes have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol compared to those who live in clutter.  And this is according to research from UCLA.  So take that.  Cleaning really does help my stress.

Writing helps my stress too.  So I'm going to try to do more blogging.  It might just be ramblings, so you're under no obligation to read it.  But it'll be here if you need entertaining.  You know, sometimes it just helps to blog it out.

2013: The Year of Epic Adventures

I spent New Years Eve at Angie's house and we had lots of tasty food, fun games and good company.  And the chosen soundtrack for the evening?  The Lord of the Rings.  It made everything seem very Epic.  So I decided that was going to be the theme for the new year.  2013: The Year of Epic Adventures.

I've already had several.

Epic Adventure #1-

We had a roommate move out.  Lindsey and I decided not to search for another roommate.  Now we have an office/guest room/exercise room/lots more storage space.  It's been nice. In related news, the apartment stays cleaner now.

Epic Adventure #2-

I flooded the apartment.  Not the entire apartment really, just the laundry room and part of the kitchen.  Turns out that the apartment has had an ongoing problem.  But we had a pretty mild winter last year so it didn't happen.  Apparently the washer drain pipe is on an exterior wall that was not properly insulated and so in extreme (or sometimes not so extreme) freezing temperatures, the water in the pipe would freeze.  And then if you tried to do laundry and weren't paying attention because your washer had never flooded before, the water that is supposed to go down the drain backs up and comes back into the apartment, down the wall and onto the floor, spreading out into the kitchen as the gallons continue to flow.  We used the mop a lot for a few weeks as we went through a few ill-conceived "fixes" from the complex manager and handyman.  But we got smart and started to keep an eye on the washer, so we didn't have to mop as much water per incident.  Finally, they cut a big ole hole in the wall and sprayed more insulation around the pipe.  The wall is still missing, but we haven't had any more incidents.  Now if only we had a working doorbell.

Epic Adventure #3-

I took and passed my PTCB exam.   I got my certificate and can now put the letters CPhT after my name.  Yep.  I'm that cool.  Not only did I pass, but I rocked that test.

Epic Adventure #4- 

I finished my 180 extern hours.  Ugh.  180 UNPAID extern hours.  In 4 weeks.  So much unpaid work.  And they offered me a job.  Since I don't have anything else lined up, I accepted for now.  But I'm not totally thrilled about it and have a few other projects on the horizon.

Epic Adventure #5-

I went on a California Adventure Trip!  I visited a friend in Palm Desert for a couple days.  And then I got to go to Disneyland for 5 days.  And...I got an Annual Passport to Disneyland.  Check off a Bucket List Item!  AND I can guarantee many more California and Disneyland based Epic Adventures in the future.

Epic Adventure #6-

I did a self make-over this week.  New hair, new make up looks, new Wendi.  I've had a frustrating month filled with some very negative thoughts about myself.  So I thought it was time for a fresh approach to life and fresh look is always a good place to start.  I'll post some pictures later.

I don't have specifics on the next adventure, but you can be sure it will be Epic.