Sorry to break it to ya folks, but it just doesn't exist.
You know how when you go shopping and you have a very specific outfit/dress in mind? And for some reason you can never find it?
Duh! You're not a designer. That thing you've created in your mind exists only there. You can look and look and look but you're never going to find that perfect outfit.
You get disappointed. And frustrated. Why is it so hard to find something that you like? Um because you aren't just looking for something you like. You're trying to satisfy the unrealistic expectation of that perfect outfit that doesn't exist because you imagined it!
Finally, you start to open your mind up to the possibility that there might be something out there that could be "good enough." The unreasonable part of your brain will try to tell you that you would be "settling" for something "less". Not true.
You start looking around with a new perspective. This dress has all of these characteristics...but not this one or this one. I guess it's okay. This dress is the wrong color, but otherwise...oh but it doesn't fit quite right. This dress is pretty good...actually it's really good. And it's really versatile. It just needs a little accessorizing.
So you buy it. And you realize that you actually really like it. In fact, it might even be better than that dress you had in your head. It fits great. It works for so many different occassions. You even found the perfect pair of shoes to complement it!
Before you know it, it's your favorite piece of clothing and you don't know how you could live without it. And you've forgotten all about that "perfect" dress.
Good story, huh? Ya, I wasn't really talking about a dress.
I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Sometimes All You Need is a Plan
Things have been going pretty well the last few days.
First, I had a job interview yesterday at the University of Utah hospital. It was interesting. It was a "group interview" with me and one other woman. The other woman had 20 years of experience as a Pharmacy Tech. I was not amused.
But it's okay! I have 2 more interviews at Intermountain facilities on Friday! YAY! IMC and Alta View. Definitely a good thing since what I was originally promised at my current job is NOT what they've delivered. So not okay.
I've been working hard on not checking the Evil Facebook as often. And I think it's helping. I'd still be better off if I didn't check it at all, but it's like a nicotine addiction. And I need a patch system to slowly dial down the drug. Ha Ha Stupid Facebook.
I've been doing some working out. I found a couple YouTube Kickboxing workout vidoes that I like. I'm also considering getting a punching bag and then putting pictures of faces on them. Then I can punch people in the face. I think it would be therapeutic. There's just some people I want to punch at least every other day. (SIDE NOTE: Did I mention that I punched myself in the face the other night? Well I did. It hurt. Fortunately I did not break my nose. That would have been awkward to explain in the emergency room.)
I spent some time with my niece Emma. My nieces and nephew always bring happiness to my life. Plus, I was helping out a bit since Emma's little brother, Adam has had croup and Emma's mommy needed a little break. Service always makes you feel good.
Anyway, it's nice to have a plan. Trust me, I know things don't always go according to plan. But still, I had to do something because I was really starting to come unhinged. I still need to work a few things out. Seriously I might have some anger management issues because punching people in the face is all too appealing to me sometimes. But I'm getting better.
Also, stay tuned for some Epic Adventures that are upcoming.
First, I had a job interview yesterday at the University of Utah hospital. It was interesting. It was a "group interview" with me and one other woman. The other woman had 20 years of experience as a Pharmacy Tech. I was not amused.
But it's okay! I have 2 more interviews at Intermountain facilities on Friday! YAY! IMC and Alta View. Definitely a good thing since what I was originally promised at my current job is NOT what they've delivered. So not okay.
I've been working hard on not checking the Evil Facebook as often. And I think it's helping. I'd still be better off if I didn't check it at all, but it's like a nicotine addiction. And I need a patch system to slowly dial down the drug. Ha Ha Stupid Facebook.
I've been doing some working out. I found a couple YouTube Kickboxing workout vidoes that I like. I'm also considering getting a punching bag and then putting pictures of faces on them. Then I can punch people in the face. I think it would be therapeutic. There's just some people I want to punch at least every other day. (SIDE NOTE: Did I mention that I punched myself in the face the other night? Well I did. It hurt. Fortunately I did not break my nose. That would have been awkward to explain in the emergency room.)
I spent some time with my niece Emma. My nieces and nephew always bring happiness to my life. Plus, I was helping out a bit since Emma's little brother, Adam has had croup and Emma's mommy needed a little break. Service always makes you feel good.
Anyway, it's nice to have a plan. Trust me, I know things don't always go according to plan. But still, I had to do something because I was really starting to come unhinged. I still need to work a few things out. Seriously I might have some anger management issues because punching people in the face is all too appealing to me sometimes. But I'm getting better.
Also, stay tuned for some Epic Adventures that are upcoming.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
It's Time for Some Change
Ugh! Life is rough sometimes. I thought things needed a little freshening. When I was growing up, my mom would randomly rearrange furniture in the house. I now wonder if that wasn't one of her ways of dealing with stress. Furniture arrangement was something she could control. Meh. Whatever the reason, I rearranged the living room yesterday and today I'm doing a little life redecorating.
Things are a little bit of a disaster right now. Not like DISASTER! Just chaotic. And I've been trying to tackle all aspects at once. This was not only complete uneffective, but actually made it worse, I think. So this morning I came up with a plan.
Step 1- Get a new job. I have a certain amount of control over this one. The job I have is not the right fit for me. I'll leave it at that.
Step 2- Forget Facebook. I won't be going completely offline, but I need to withdraw from the Facebook work in a substantial way. I can't keep reading about how so many people are getting the things I want or about how awful the world is. And all the Facebook Politicking is exhausting me. Plus, I really shouldn't care what everyone is doing. I think I thought I was living vicariously through the seemingly more exciting lives of others. Instead, I was just resenting the fact that I wasn't getting to have the things I thought I should have. Some of those things are within my power to have, others, not so much. But it's time I stop getting so frustrated at the world because of what people write on Facebook, which is probably slightly exaggerated. No offense, folks. Just the way it has to be.
Step 3- New exercise routine. I think I'm going to take up Kickboxing. I think it'll be good for the aggression I have. I think a balanced routine of Kickboxing and Yoga (and some Just Dance 3 with Angie) ought to help me chill out a little. Plus, I'll be working out.
Step 4- I have got to get out of my house at least 2 times a week and do something that isn't work. It's rough because I work 1-8 and in the morning I'm trying to get things done around the house. But I seriously need human contact (that isn't work). So if anyone wants to help me not go insane, let me know!
Step 5- Be Positive. I've been letting a lot of negative thoughts creep in my mind and take hold. And it's not okay. It's tearing me apart from the inside out. It makes me angry at myself for letting them in. If anyone has any good suggestions for helping out with this, I'd really appreciate them.
Step 6- Continue with the Epic Adventures. Some of them might not seem very exciting to you folks, but I've got to find something cool in my life some days.
That's what I've got for now. And as you can see, the blog has had a facelift. I'm going for the Meg from Hercules inspiration. I'm a Damsel. I'm in Distress. I can handle it. Have a nice day.
Things are a little bit of a disaster right now. Not like DISASTER! Just chaotic. And I've been trying to tackle all aspects at once. This was not only complete uneffective, but actually made it worse, I think. So this morning I came up with a plan.
Step 1- Get a new job. I have a certain amount of control over this one. The job I have is not the right fit for me. I'll leave it at that.
Step 2- Forget Facebook. I won't be going completely offline, but I need to withdraw from the Facebook work in a substantial way. I can't keep reading about how so many people are getting the things I want or about how awful the world is. And all the Facebook Politicking is exhausting me. Plus, I really shouldn't care what everyone is doing. I think I thought I was living vicariously through the seemingly more exciting lives of others. Instead, I was just resenting the fact that I wasn't getting to have the things I thought I should have. Some of those things are within my power to have, others, not so much. But it's time I stop getting so frustrated at the world because of what people write on Facebook, which is probably slightly exaggerated. No offense, folks. Just the way it has to be.
Step 3- New exercise routine. I think I'm going to take up Kickboxing. I think it'll be good for the aggression I have. I think a balanced routine of Kickboxing and Yoga (and some Just Dance 3 with Angie) ought to help me chill out a little. Plus, I'll be working out.
Step 4- I have got to get out of my house at least 2 times a week and do something that isn't work. It's rough because I work 1-8 and in the morning I'm trying to get things done around the house. But I seriously need human contact (that isn't work). So if anyone wants to help me not go insane, let me know!
Step 5- Be Positive. I've been letting a lot of negative thoughts creep in my mind and take hold. And it's not okay. It's tearing me apart from the inside out. It makes me angry at myself for letting them in. If anyone has any good suggestions for helping out with this, I'd really appreciate them.
Step 6- Continue with the Epic Adventures. Some of them might not seem very exciting to you folks, but I've got to find something cool in my life some days.
That's what I've got for now. And as you can see, the blog has had a facelift. I'm going for the Meg from Hercules inspiration. I'm a Damsel. I'm in Distress. I can handle it. Have a nice day.
Epic Adventure #8
I got my Utah Pharmacy Technician License. Well, I don't have a hard copy, but I have a number and potential employers can go online to DOPL and look it up and see that I have an active license.
What does that mean? It means that I can A) stop doing delivery clerk stuff at work and finally be a tech and B) look for a job at a hospital, should I so desire. I'd really like a 7 on/7 off job. I think I could really like that kind of schedule. But I can't be too picky. I'll even take PRN if it will get my foot in the door. I've applied at Intermountain and University of Utah Hospital. We'll see how it goes.
What does that mean? It means that I can A) stop doing delivery clerk stuff at work and finally be a tech and B) look for a job at a hospital, should I so desire. I'd really like a 7 on/7 off job. I think I could really like that kind of schedule. But I can't be too picky. I'll even take PRN if it will get my foot in the door. I've applied at Intermountain and University of Utah Hospital. We'll see how it goes.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Epic Adventure #7
Mandy and Garrett were nice enough to throw a big old Oscar Night party on Sunday. It was a lot of fun for the kids and adults alike. And there was a ton of great food.
Grant, Garrett and Angie's brother, is apparently a Sushi Master. So we tried our hands at homemade sushi. It turned out pretty good I think. Tasty and pretty.
We thought we could eat it all. We were mistaken. But we are pretty impressive Sushi Chefs now. And no one has died from side effects of homemade sushi consumption (at least to my knowledge).
Grant, Garrett and Angie's brother, is apparently a Sushi Master. So we tried our hands at homemade sushi. It turned out pretty good I think. Tasty and pretty.
We thought we could eat it all. We were mistaken. But we are pretty impressive Sushi Chefs now. And no one has died from side effects of homemade sushi consumption (at least to my knowledge).
My Brilliant New Idea
So I've been contemplating getting a fish. I feel like I need a little responsiblity. And my friend, Amy says that if I can keep a fish alive, then I'm ready for relationships with other people.
But I can't decide for sure. So I set up a poll on the side. Please participate. Maybe this is how I'm going to make all my future decisions. Blog Polling.
But I can't decide for sure. So I set up a poll on the side. Please participate. Maybe this is how I'm going to make all my future decisions. Blog Polling.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Who Needs Sleep?
Clearly not me as it's currently 12:23 am and I'm blogging. I've already tossed and turned for over an hour. I even threw pillows at the wall in expression of my great frustration. Of course, then I had to go retrieve them so I could make another vain attempt at sleep.
Epic. Fail.
So I'm blogging. Maybe there's something on my mind that just needs to get out so everything can rest peacefully tonight. Maybe.
Maybe? Ha! Of course there is. My brain is in overdrive most of the time. And it likes to get extra agitated right as I'm trying to go to sleep. Come on! You've had all day to think about things and analyze things and decide things and imagine things and sleeping time is when you decided to really kick it into gear?!
What's that? You tell me I've been ignoring bigger issues throughout the day? I'm purposefully ignoring things and people who make me want to bang my head against the wall? Wait! I'm putting important, yet tedious or uncomfortable tasks on the back-burner in the hopes that they'll resolve themselves?
Oh ya. I totally do that. Oops.
But you know what? Some issues I can't deal with on my own. Some issues need to be resolved with a second party. I can't wave my magic fairy wand and make people use their words. I can't use my crystal ball and see into the future to know if certain people and events are going to continue to perplex me. I can't use my Jedi mind tricks to have people do my bidding. (Obviously if I had any of these powers, I would only use them for good)
And in some circumstances, I try. I really really do. I've made a few goals this year. I refuse to call them Resolutions because those rarely go well. So Goals it is.
Goal #1- Be a nicer person. I'm trying not to be so sarcastic. More importantly I'm trying to be more encouraging and supportive of my friends and family and their endeavors. I'm also working on my road rage. Mostly because I can't yell out "Whore" when my nieces are in the car because they are at the age where they really pick up on things. I'm trying not to be as critical. It may not seem like I'm making much progress. But I really am trying.
Goal #2- Be a better communicator. Sometimes I like to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable because I HATE confrontation. Seriously, I'll just convince myself that I'm the one to blame for an awkward exchange or argument or whatever if it means I don't have to confront someone else. Of course, that leads to a lot of stress and anxiety on my part because then I start to believe that I'm some sort of burden on the world and I'm the source of everyone's unhappiness. Okay. That was a little melodramatic, but you know what I mean.
Goal #3- Think. Sometimes I have knee-jerk reactions that aren't always the best. Don't get me wrong, sometimes my initial impression or thought is correct. But I'm trying harder to take deep breaths and really think through things before I make decisions. I'm trying to do this before I respond to emails and text messages too so that I don't say something I might regret.
The frustrating part is that not everyone is making an effort to be a better communicator. And the world is still full of a lot of stupid people that make it really hard for me to be a nicer person. And sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don't always stop to think. And I am human and I make mistakes! I forget that. And other people do too. I'm not going to magically achieve my goals just cuz I want to. I do appreciate little acknowledgements of my successes in these areas though. Hopefully I have the occasional success.
I've had to change a lot of things about my life and how I see life in the present and the future. This last year has been quite the roller coaster. And in some ways, it's calming down. In others...well, I just keep hoping things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Honestly, what else can I do but hope?
So why am I not sleeping? Because I have unrealistic expectations of myself. Because I know I have a million things waiting for me this week. Because I'm trying to be a better person and I feel like I'm failing miserably. Because I have unresolved things that maybe some people can sleep through, but I can not. Because I have life decisions to make. Because I'm afraid I offend people daily. Because I can't stop thinking about all the ways I could have been better last week. Because I'm a girl and apparently that makes me crazy and there's nothing I can do about it. Because it's okay for other people to whine but not me. Because I don't do things half way. Because I'm the type of person who gives 110% to everything and everyone. And because in spite of everything, I still have hope.
See? I bet you wouldn't sleep either if you had all that going through your brain. But then, who needs sleep?
Epic. Fail.
So I'm blogging. Maybe there's something on my mind that just needs to get out so everything can rest peacefully tonight. Maybe.
Maybe? Ha! Of course there is. My brain is in overdrive most of the time. And it likes to get extra agitated right as I'm trying to go to sleep. Come on! You've had all day to think about things and analyze things and decide things and imagine things and sleeping time is when you decided to really kick it into gear?!
What's that? You tell me I've been ignoring bigger issues throughout the day? I'm purposefully ignoring things and people who make me want to bang my head against the wall? Wait! I'm putting important, yet tedious or uncomfortable tasks on the back-burner in the hopes that they'll resolve themselves?
Oh ya. I totally do that. Oops.
But you know what? Some issues I can't deal with on my own. Some issues need to be resolved with a second party. I can't wave my magic fairy wand and make people use their words. I can't use my crystal ball and see into the future to know if certain people and events are going to continue to perplex me. I can't use my Jedi mind tricks to have people do my bidding. (Obviously if I had any of these powers, I would only use them for good)
And in some circumstances, I try. I really really do. I've made a few goals this year. I refuse to call them Resolutions because those rarely go well. So Goals it is.
Goal #1- Be a nicer person. I'm trying not to be so sarcastic. More importantly I'm trying to be more encouraging and supportive of my friends and family and their endeavors. I'm also working on my road rage. Mostly because I can't yell out "Whore" when my nieces are in the car because they are at the age where they really pick up on things. I'm trying not to be as critical. It may not seem like I'm making much progress. But I really am trying.
Goal #2- Be a better communicator. Sometimes I like to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable because I HATE confrontation. Seriously, I'll just convince myself that I'm the one to blame for an awkward exchange or argument or whatever if it means I don't have to confront someone else. Of course, that leads to a lot of stress and anxiety on my part because then I start to believe that I'm some sort of burden on the world and I'm the source of everyone's unhappiness. Okay. That was a little melodramatic, but you know what I mean.
Goal #3- Think. Sometimes I have knee-jerk reactions that aren't always the best. Don't get me wrong, sometimes my initial impression or thought is correct. But I'm trying harder to take deep breaths and really think through things before I make decisions. I'm trying to do this before I respond to emails and text messages too so that I don't say something I might regret.
The frustrating part is that not everyone is making an effort to be a better communicator. And the world is still full of a lot of stupid people that make it really hard for me to be a nicer person. And sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don't always stop to think. And I am human and I make mistakes! I forget that. And other people do too. I'm not going to magically achieve my goals just cuz I want to. I do appreciate little acknowledgements of my successes in these areas though. Hopefully I have the occasional success.
I've had to change a lot of things about my life and how I see life in the present and the future. This last year has been quite the roller coaster. And in some ways, it's calming down. In others...well, I just keep hoping things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Honestly, what else can I do but hope?
So why am I not sleeping? Because I have unrealistic expectations of myself. Because I know I have a million things waiting for me this week. Because I'm trying to be a better person and I feel like I'm failing miserably. Because I have unresolved things that maybe some people can sleep through, but I can not. Because I have life decisions to make. Because I'm afraid I offend people daily. Because I can't stop thinking about all the ways I could have been better last week. Because I'm a girl and apparently that makes me crazy and there's nothing I can do about it. Because it's okay for other people to whine but not me. Because I don't do things half way. Because I'm the type of person who gives 110% to everything and everyone. And because in spite of everything, I still have hope.
See? I bet you wouldn't sleep either if you had all that going through your brain. But then, who needs sleep?
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